• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Feeling down and knackered

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Hi all

Have had a right day of it today, mum saying her friend and his friends are all in the garden and that they want to kill the cat.

She won't settle for bed and gets distracted whilst eating and also wanted to make a phone call to someone who wasn't actually there too! I was so glad I was able to stop her doing that!

I so can't wait for a break and to be back home with my partner as I'm utterly exhausted and loosing so much money taking two weeks off work.

Her anti psychotic has been upped to 1mg as no change since she started on them.

Still dreading her assessment on Monday but seeing her the way she is it's definitely for the best she goes into a residential home for the time being. I need help with her and don't want her to stay where she is. How dare I have her best interests at heart! Who knows what could have happened in between care visits whilst no one was there? I dread to think.....

I'm feeling so down and sad and also frustrated because I end up snapping at her because I'm tired also but so upset to see her so convinced by these illusions and hallucinations as they are so real to her.

This disease is utterly terrible and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,284
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
I think everyone on TP hears your anguish, understands it, shares it and feels for you as so many of us in different ways have faced similar situations and conflicts. Clearly you need respite and time with your close family so take it before the despair becomes overwhelming.
 

Rosnpton

Registered User
Mar 19, 2017
394
Northants
You need and deserve a rest
In a residential home she will be looked after,cared for,safe.
You can't carry on doing everything
So many carers-me included- don't ask for help until at the end of their the ther and ability.
A sick worn out carer is of no use to man or beast
Thinking of you
Ros
Have had a right day of it today, mum saying her friend and his friends are all in the garden and that they want to kill the cat.

She won't settle for bed and gets distracted whilst eating and also wanted to make a phone call to someone who wasn't actually there too! I was so glad I was able to stop her doing that!

I so can't wait for a break and to be back home with my partner as I'm utterly exhausted and loosing so much money taking two weeks off work.

Her anti psychotic has been upped to 1mg as no change since she started on them.

Still dreading her assessment on Monday but seeing her the way she is it's definitely for the best she goes into a residential home for the time being. I need help with her and don't want her to stay where she is. How dare I have her best interests at heart! Who knows what could have happened in between care visits whilst no one was there? I dread to think.....

I'm feeling so down and sad and also frustrated because I end up snapping at her because I'm tired also but so upset to see her so convinced by these illusions and hallucinations as they are so real to her.

This disease is utterly terrible and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app[/QUOTE]
 

Margaret59

Registered User
Apr 4, 2017
132
Yorkshire
Hi Worthitprincess,
You sound as if you need a break and hopefully you will get one soon before you burn yourself out. I know how you feel as I am caring for my partner 24/7 and it is exhausting. Everyone on TP has told me that I need support. I have good days and bad days too and can relate to what you are saying.
It's a great help to me to just log onto TP and let off steam. That way I can get it off my chest and hopefully not reach boiling point. I have my moments but I manage to walk away, even for 5 minutes, into the garden or another room. Big deep breathes and then I am able to get on with it. Not to say that I will always be like that though.
Take care, big hugs,
Margaret x
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Absolutely shattered this morning. Going back to bed in a moment. Got a banging headache and feeling rough :( not the state I need to be in to look after mum :( x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Scouts girl

Registered User
Jan 18, 2017
309
Please take the respite break or like me you will end up with carers burnout and then you will be no help to your mum or yourself. You may find mum enjoys being in a care home having someone to look after her 24/7 and you will have no emotional worries for her safety so may be that will be the time to think of the future care your mum may need. I had to make the awful decision for my mum to have permanent residential care at Christmas as I could not cope any more looking after her 24/7 and when she was diagnosed with vascular/mixed dementia a couple of weeks later I knew that with the advice of her doctor had deep down made the right decision for her to have the specialist care that I could not give her any more. I am, still after a few months, heartbroken that the decision had to be made and I don't have mum living round the corner and the close, loving relationship we once shared is diminishing day by day, BUT I still am coming to terms that it was the only decision that could be made for her. I visit her daily and know that she is getting excellent care for her illness and she is SAFE. I do hope you enjoy the break, we all deserve it.
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Assessment is Monday and I'm feeling less anxious about it because I know it's for the best for her. It doesn't help my time of the month is also here and my hormones are all over the shot too! She's finished her antibiotics today so I wonder whether they may be a change in her behaviour however she was hallucinating this morning even before I gave her pills and that was with a 12 hour gap. She's next to me now talking to her friend Daniel [emoji17]

This disease can be so puzzling at times.....[emoji30]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Scouts girl

Registered User
Jan 18, 2017
309
Just to add keep posting on TP, it is a great outlet to let off steam!! With no one judging you or decisions we have to make for our loved ones. Thank you all for listening and support xx
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Yes I couldn't ask for more. I don't feel alone in all this! She's finished anti biotics now so hoping this may change things possibly. We shall see?


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Well I know it won't go down well on Monday but I think it's the only way I can get her up there to be cared for properly instead of sitting alone in a big house waiting for the next care visit (6 hours in between each visit as she only has morning and evening). I'm hoping she will like the time she spends up there and that she will warm to the people there and then hopefully it could be more perminant as night sitters/care is also a fortune at home. We are going on that she has been very poorly and you need to go away for a bit to get better and hopefully she will see it that way and come. That way I can work each day without loosing income and can visit her on my days off! I know the staff are used to this sort of thing all the time and I think will help her settle gently and kindly without any pressure. I'll take my lead from them on Monday....x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
And we are back to the hallucinating again.....definitely not her anti biotics! [emoji17]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Rosnpton

Registered User
Mar 19, 2017
394
Northants
You know you have done everything possible up till now,and will continue to do the best you can in future. If that is a care home with you visiting so be it.
You will feel angry and guilt and convince yourself you were managing and have over reacted etc etc. We all do it. At the end of the day,in a home you will be visiting as her daughter, helping care for her,but without shouldering all the burden on your own.
It does get a bit better slowly. Don't think it ever feels 'right' but she will be safe,have staff that are meant to be awake in the middle of the night as that is their job,not exhausted and meant to be going to work themselves.
I will be thinking of you on Monday and hope with all my heart that the correct decision for all of you is able to be made
Best wishes
Ros
And we are back to the hallucinating again.....definitely not her anti biotics! [emoji17]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Thank you Rosnpton

Does anyone know what to do if she refuses to leave after the care team telling her with me present and also the mental health social worker?

I'm still dreading it and I know she won't go without a fight....[emoji30]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Back to feeling down once again, even with her evening carer here we have had all sorts from drones watching her to her fellas mum coming to visit. I haven't been able to leave the house because she's been so bad. Thank god for online food delivery it's been a god send this week!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Mum&me

Registered User
Feb 10, 2016
10
Remedy

I cared for mum for 6 years . It's over now .
My advice
Avoid arguing with the person you are caring for.
Accept their version of the world if possible
If they are focused on something try carefully to change the subject
It took me a lot of mistakes to come to what I've written . You have to fit into their world as far as you can. I learned to lie and play act really well.
 

Debjac

Registered User
Mar 23, 2017
17
I have just had my first break in 4 years and I wish I had done it sooner my advice do it as soon as you possibly can xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Worthitprincess

Registered User
Aug 11, 2016
68
Well this 2 month trial is with a hope that she will stay for the remainder of her time. She's only 68 but it's so sad I had to do this. It's for her safely and well being plus she will be able to socialise more and do more things during the day instead of sitting at home by herself. I have to let the positives over ride the negative otherwise I would be a bad daughter for just leaving her in Devon and adding more carers into the equation. She can still have a good quality of life but without my worry and burden of it all x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,485
Messages
1,674,817
Members
65,524
Latest member
Denise Brown