1. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    tomorrow I have my first day off since I became step mum's pa. my brother is doing my shift for me as I have my 7yr old daughters school concert to go to, I have filled him in on the does and don'ts etc but I feel so guilty in not going, I will have to have another day off next week as my very good neighbour has died and I would like to go to the funeral but I don't know if I could bear another day off.
    I know I shouldn't feel like this and don't know why I am, just can't help it. thanks for reading it helped to write this, maybe its just me being over protective of her, as she is just coming round to me helping her.
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Heartbroken,
    Firstly is is the guilt monster that rears it's ugly head.
    Your daughter would be disappointed if you don't go and you would still fill guilty in you did not go to the Funeral.
    By the sound of your message you have made all necessary arrangement for when you are not there.
    In my own personal opinion if I was in your shoes I would go to both occassion and there is only so much that you can do.
    I wish you all the best
    Christine
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Heartbroken

    Don't feel guilty. We all need to take time off from caring, and it's important that you don't neglect your own family.

    Be proud of yourself that you have organised everything so well. I'm sure there'll be no problems, and you'll feel more confident next time.

    Enjoy the concert.
     
  4. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Dear Heartbroken.

    I am a millionare because every time I feel guilty I put a pound coin in a box.

    Feeling guilty can make you very rich and very unhappy at the same time.

    On balance, I think I would rather be happy and forget about the guilt. wouldn't you?
     
  5. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    thanks for your kind words
    I will have to start and put a pound in the box each time I feel guilty.
    I've had a nice day though I have thought about Edna a lot but not had a phone call so things must have gone ok.
    Daughters concert was lovely I recorded it so I will take it to show Edna and dad tomorrow, she had 2 parts where she had to stand up on her own I was so proud of her.
     
  6. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear heartbroken,
    If you had let the guilt monster take over you would have missed out on a very special memory with you daughter.
    So glad you went.
    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Glad you enjoyed the concert, heartbroken. You must have been so proud of your daughter.

    Sounds as if Edna was OK too!:)
     
  8. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    spoken to my brother today, yesterday made him realise how bad Edna had got, she was in a bad mood all day, he had to go for a walk at dinner time for a break.
    she was in the same bad mood today dad couldn't do anything right, hope she is happier tomorrow
     
  9. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Heartbroken

    I am so glad for you that you were able to look after your other needs because I personally think that by looking after yourself, you are then able to offer the best of yourself to Edna. I note from what you've said that Edna is in a bad mood and I wondered whether you were beginning to believe that it is because of you (that guilt). No matter what we do, we can't take the illness away.

    It's was so nice to hear that your daughter excelled and you'll have something to show Edna which is nice. Mind you, it might be worth waiting till she's in a better mood!!

    Love Helen
     
  10. kacee

    kacee Registered User

    Mar 29, 2008
    8
    What u are doing for your mum is a wonderful thing. However if u dont do the same for urself it will become very difficult both physically and emotionally.

    If u can step back for a moment, take time to identify ur needs. Your own personal needs. Not those that arise from being a wife mother daughter or friend. Then do a care plan for yourself.
    Basic 3 meals a day, sleep, mental stimulation, freshair, excersise. Personal space and some one or somewhere u can off load and sort out the jumble of thought in ur head.
    This will enable u to care for mum..It is not selfish or indulgent. It is essential selfcare and survival.
    A car gets fuel, oil, MOT, serviced, tyre pressure checked battery charged, new bulbs and cleaned inside and out.
    There are far too many carers out there who dont even allow themselves the same care as their car.

    Ok I dont always practice what I preach.....but I try..;)
    And finding this forum..good move.. I find I cry when reading posts..but it is thereputic and cleansing.
    Everyone shares intimate details and troubling thoughts.
    Sometimes I am so humbled by what I read I cant post reply cause I dont feel worthy. But not one post goes without touching me deeply.
    x
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    That is quite one of the most brilliant analogies I have ever read on this forum .... thank you!

    (Going off for a little therapeutic weep myself) ...... Karen, x
     

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