After a difficult time last week when my husband refused point blank to get in the car to go to daycare I have had to put him into respite initially for three weeks with a view to permanency. He was also becoming incontinent and would not let me change him until he was ready, sometimes for hours. But I miss him so much and cannot stop crying, I know he is well cared for in the care home and when I phoned today to check on him they said he was quite cheerful, but I cannot stop thinking that I would rather have him home with me and put up with everything this dreadful disease throws at me. I know its stupid and I know I cannot cope at the moment but the thought of life on my own is unbearable. The thought that he might never come back to the home we have shared for over 40 years is so painful. It is like a bereavement but knowing that he is just 10 miles away. I will just have to wait and see how he is in three weeks, although in my heart of hearts I dont think I can give him the care and attention he needs.