My mum has been in a very good home for two years. I chose the home for it's approach to care, but it's a 50" drive away. I visited three times a week at first then twice a week. The last year, once a week. To be honest it was a relief when we were stopped from visiting as I find it increasingly stressful as she can't converse, and is restless, and wanders. However now we are allowed in the garden and she is a lot worse. I feel so confused by my feelings. I miss here, I feel so guilty I put her in a home and I know that she is happy to see me when I first arrive. But I find it really hard to visit in the garden where she looks uncomfortable, and stressed. I can't do her nails or walk the corridors with her and I feel I can't make the visit work. I've decided I must visit more frequently to stop myself feeling guilty, but I long to not have her in my head making me feel so sad and as if I will never be properly happy again. I'm sorry to have these selfish feelings, but I wondered if anyone else is struggling with visiting under covid restrictions?