Hi everyone! This is my first post but I'm sure it won't be my last...
I became my husband's carer after he suffered a minor stroke. He was left with severe balance issues. However, he is now showing multiple issues which I believe are due to dementia, possibly vascular?
His short term memory is virtually gone. We've tried lists but he forgets to look at them. He has left his credit card in multiple shops and I'm forever hunting for items that he's put in the wrong place.
He was a very capable DIYer but recently took five days to put up two wall lights - blowing umpteen fuses. He has given up now and they don't work.
He has a bad temper with a very short fuse...which culminates in foul language and throwing things. We were on a ferry recently (which we've done countless times as we live on an island,) and he got fed up queing to get off- marched up to a couple of ferry staff who were talking and said, very loudly "how the **** do you get off this ****** boat?"
He speaks very loudly because he is now flatly refusing to wear his hearing aids and won't (or can't) tell me why.
He often asks me if I remember people, places and/or events that took place with his first or second wife (I'm no. 3) and then tells me I'm being difficult or forgetful when I don't remember these things.
My biggest worry is that his driving has become very erratic to the point of being dangerous. If he looks away from the road, he veers off in the direction that he's looking. A few days ago, he was out for hours and told me (chuckling and shaking his head) that all 6 nuts had fallen out of one wheel and the wheel had come off. He's been getting our car ready (for 9 months) for its' MOT which was due a year ago. I don't think he should be driving at all but if he has to stop, it will be a massive blow to him. Nevertheless, I have finally pursuaded him to come to the Dr with me.
Today, I was crushed by yet another example of his memory loss. We're moving house to be nearer to my grown up children and he's been attempting small jobs (like the lights). We'd discussed how to do a job and this morning it became apparent that he'd done it in the method that we rejected. I know it sounds small but you guys get it. Straw, camel and my back broke.
I've been waiting for an operation for 20 months and can normally cope with the pain and stress but more and more, I'm finding that I just can't get out of bed after one of these incidents. I know I'm depressed and really struggling with his behaviour. I can't wait to see the Dr with him but I know it won't change anything (other than maybe stopping him driving).
I'm sorry this is so long but I badly needed to vent and connect with others who understand. I read the entire thread of 'do you ever feel like leaving?". This man was truly my soul mate. We got engaged after a week and have been married for 21 years. I loved and adored him and he loved and adored me - and I felt it. Now, that man has gone and my heart is broken. But yes, I would absolutely walk away but (like so many of us) I simply can't afford to leave.
I'd like to know how PWD react to not being allowed to drive any more. It worries me as I think he'll give up but maybe I'm wrong?
Help!!!
I became my husband's carer after he suffered a minor stroke. He was left with severe balance issues. However, he is now showing multiple issues which I believe are due to dementia, possibly vascular?
His short term memory is virtually gone. We've tried lists but he forgets to look at them. He has left his credit card in multiple shops and I'm forever hunting for items that he's put in the wrong place.
He was a very capable DIYer but recently took five days to put up two wall lights - blowing umpteen fuses. He has given up now and they don't work.
He has a bad temper with a very short fuse...which culminates in foul language and throwing things. We were on a ferry recently (which we've done countless times as we live on an island,) and he got fed up queing to get off- marched up to a couple of ferry staff who were talking and said, very loudly "how the **** do you get off this ****** boat?"
He speaks very loudly because he is now flatly refusing to wear his hearing aids and won't (or can't) tell me why.
He often asks me if I remember people, places and/or events that took place with his first or second wife (I'm no. 3) and then tells me I'm being difficult or forgetful when I don't remember these things.
My biggest worry is that his driving has become very erratic to the point of being dangerous. If he looks away from the road, he veers off in the direction that he's looking. A few days ago, he was out for hours and told me (chuckling and shaking his head) that all 6 nuts had fallen out of one wheel and the wheel had come off. He's been getting our car ready (for 9 months) for its' MOT which was due a year ago. I don't think he should be driving at all but if he has to stop, it will be a massive blow to him. Nevertheless, I have finally pursuaded him to come to the Dr with me.
Today, I was crushed by yet another example of his memory loss. We're moving house to be nearer to my grown up children and he's been attempting small jobs (like the lights). We'd discussed how to do a job and this morning it became apparent that he'd done it in the method that we rejected. I know it sounds small but you guys get it. Straw, camel and my back broke.
I've been waiting for an operation for 20 months and can normally cope with the pain and stress but more and more, I'm finding that I just can't get out of bed after one of these incidents. I know I'm depressed and really struggling with his behaviour. I can't wait to see the Dr with him but I know it won't change anything (other than maybe stopping him driving).
I'm sorry this is so long but I badly needed to vent and connect with others who understand. I read the entire thread of 'do you ever feel like leaving?". This man was truly my soul mate. We got engaged after a week and have been married for 21 years. I loved and adored him and he loved and adored me - and I felt it. Now, that man has gone and my heart is broken. But yes, I would absolutely walk away but (like so many of us) I simply can't afford to leave.
I'd like to know how PWD react to not being allowed to drive any more. It worries me as I think he'll give up but maybe I'm wrong?
Help!!!