1. Devonmaid

    Devonmaid Registered User

    Sep 23, 2007
    51
    Dartmoor Devon
    Good morning all . Maybe I am over reacting but both my sister and I are feeling a bit upset and confused . At the meeting to assess our Mum in hospital, it was stated that the best place for her is an EMI unit . We have found one, its a nice as one can be and close to where she lived with my step Dad Ken which means that visting will be easy for him . She is not allowed to go home but is staying in hospital until a place becomes available for her in the unit , there was one but someone else got in as a priority > Mum seems quite settled at the hospital, its a small unit and they are only at half acpacity so have lots of time for the patients which is good . Kem will continue to live at their flat and seems to have accepted that Mum cant come home , we still ring him regularly and care about him which is more than his own family do ! However, both my sister and I had phone calls over the weekend from Ken asking us to go to the flat and clear Mums stuff out . We had already discussed with Ken re taking some of Mums bits and bobs to the EMI unit when she moves in so that hopefully familiar things may just help her to settle but now he wants us to take everything . I live a long way from them but my sister is in the doorstep and went to see him yesterday , he already had all her photos bagged up , all her clothes in bin bags , all her toiletries in bags and is saying that he wants to start afresh ( he is 87 ) with no reminders of Mum . I have told my sister that I think we should inform his family and that they must come and try to sort this out , they have done nothing whilst Mum has been in hospital , never been to see her or visted their Dad and I really think that they must come and have a chat with him , there must be a reason for this, he must be upset and depressed but surely, it wont do any good to get rid of everything that reminds him of our Mum ?
    Love Kate
     
  2. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Gosh what a state of affairs.

    Well assuming he and your mum always had a good relationship then you can only guess that he is very depressed or suffering a breakdown of some sort.

    I think you definitely need to contact his family - he may have spoken to them already?

    Was he under a lot of stress when he was caring for your mum? Could it be a breakdown of some sort?

    I think you need to act on this sooner rather than later because if he is serious then you may wish to consider putting your mum in a home closer to you and your sister?

    I'm so sorry this has happened especially when everything seemed to be getting in place.

    Thinking of you all.
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Oh dear, Kate!

    It does sound as if Ken is very depressed. Probably the strain of caring for your mum, and this present upheaval, is more than he can bear. He needs to see a doctor as a matter of urgency. All this clearing out may be a sign that he is feeling suicidal again, and if he is 'clearing the decks', but not talking about it, that's even more worrying, it means that he is serious.

    Regarding your mum's things, would it be possible for your sister to take them away and store them for a while? I really don't think he's planning to 'start again', and when he's feeling better he'll want them back.

    It's an awful situation for you, especially as you're so far away, but I hope your sister can get him some help quickly.

    Love,
     
  4. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Kate,

    I hope that your step dad's family come to help him out. You and your sister have been doing a marvelous job.

    I think from your previous post concerning your step dad that his family need to act now. Obviously this is all to much for him and he needs a lot of support.


    Kate, I don't think this is his intentions it's just he is distressed with all the happenings of late and he is just not thinking straight. Stress and the elderly don't mix well. Maybe, if your sister has no joy with his family then she could get in touch with his GP.

    Worrying times for you both.
    Best Wishes Taffy.
     
  5. Devonmaid

    Devonmaid Registered User

    Sep 23, 2007
    51
    Dartmoor Devon
    Thanks for replies, I have been in touch with my step brothers and step sister and told, not asked, but told them to go and see their Dad straight away , like now . One of them is retired and lives only 15 miles away so no excuses will wash . My sister knows Mum and Kens doctor well and she has already requested that Ken has a home visit today . Theirs is a flat in sheltered acommodation so we have also rung the warden who is going to spend some time with Ken this afternoon . It has to be depression , he has been a dedicated carer to Mum until it all got too much for him when she deteriorated , poor soul , he must be very lonely indeed and in despair . I am going tomorrow by train to visit Mum and go and see him also and if none of his family have been , I shall be very angry and tell them so . My sister has taken the personal stuff of Mums for now, has them at her house until we know what the score is with Ken , I think he is just at the end of his tether bless him .
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Kate, you're doing all you can possibly do, and bless you for caring.

    Ken's family should be thankful that you are looking after him, and be prepared to take some responsibility, but I won't hold my breath!

    I hope tomorrow's visit goes well, let us know.

    Love,
     
  7. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Kate,

    Don't get to angry with Ken's family, I appreciate why you feel the need to, but if they haven't witnessed the situation, they probably just don't understand. Getting angry will only make you feel worse. Be matter of fact, calm as you can be. Just say, we are concerned that he seems to be cutting off now mum is in hospital, and we think he will regret it later, could you talk to him about it?

    I would also involved the GP (Oh, you said you had - how did that go?)

    Hope it works out.

    Love

    Margaret
     

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