I went to see mum yesterday in the nursing home and she was asleep when I arrived. I managed to rouse her gently and initially she was chatting about nice things like her cousins visiting from the USA and going shopping in black fog! However her mood switched when I said I had to leave and she became sulky and spiteful. I know it's the illness , not that she accepts she is ill, but after having been told all my life that I am hard, sharp, black and white and why can't we have been closer I have had enough. It all started I think when I was very young and I have always had the feeling that I have always fallen short of how she expects me to behave with her. Yet I am the one who has taken her on holiday , to siblings funerals and weekends away. I know she is at the end of her life and in some ways this would be easier to accept if it was new stuff but it's so hurtful. I have always been there fighting her corner , doing her tax returns , sorting out carers et etc but there has always been something lacking in our relationship and it will. Or change now . I was much closer to my dad, who died at 51 , and my nana (my mums mum) who lived with us when I was a child,. Even my nana said to my mum that we would've closer when I had children of my own andshehas thrown that ack at me over the years too saying we're not. I am so sorry for the rant but this is not all my fault and I couldn't change the way she viewed me when I was child,teenager ...we have never been really close and I would have loved things to be different but they are'nt. I am a very positive person I think and love life and maybe there is envy because my Mum has never been like that, but that's not my fault either ....I am not going to see her for a few weeks now as I am busy with work so maybe the break will be good,but I feel rotten about it ...thanks for reading . It helps to be able to vent sometimes as others know xx