Feeling blank.

[MirandaT]

My mum died on Sunday, and all the I was sitting with her during her last days I wouldn't let myself think about what happened afterwards, I just tried to be in the moment with her. I thought I would feel relieved, and I am for her, but not for me. It was awful seeing her reduced to a helpless shell but at least she was here. And now she's not. I'm religious, but she's still not here. Skyped my sister in Spain yesterday, she couldn't stay with mum as she had work and her son back in Spain, and she wanted to know about mum's last hours. I couldn't tell her how awful mum looked at the end, just said that she looked very peaceful. She said she had a great empty lake inside her and we cried that we are now orphans - a bit silly when we are both in our 50's I suppose.
There's lots to do now, family will come from all over to the funeral and will need feeding, accommodating, transporting; there's mum's finances to sort out to hand over to the executors; her possessions to sort through; letters to write...... And I just want to shut myself away for a week.

 

[Dill]

Hi MirandaT
I send you my condolences.
You were there for your Mum, that's the most important thing.
People will rally round and help you with food, transport etc. when the time comes, ask - people like things to do to help.
Try and tackle one thing at a time, make a list. Also rest as much as possible, hard to say, but it makes coping easier.
Your comment about being an orphan struck a chord, that's the first thing I said to my sister when my Dad died, its an empty horrible feeling I know.
I send you my condolences and a hug.
Dill

 

[cragmaid]

Miranda I am so sorry for your loss. My Mum is nearing the end of her journey now and I know she believes she will meet all those who have gone before. I wish a wonderful reunion with her loved ones for your Mum and to you I hope you can feel the comfort of knowing you have done your job well...you have you know.
With sympathy...Maureen.x.

 

[Gigglemore]

So sorry for your loss. You have done the important thing which was being with your Mum at the end. Don't take on too much, I'm sure your relatives can book their own accommodation. You have had a draining time. Wishing you strength to get through this painful time.

 

[MirandaT]

Funeral all planned, accommodation all sorted - my cousin's barn conversion has lots of floor space! Have come down to London for the weekend to stay with my nephew and his partner and meet up with a cousin here. They are all 30-somethings and full of life, so being with them is cheering me up too - feels a million miles away from dementia. I feel a bit callous, like I've put being in mourning 'on hold', but it does feel good to have a change of scene.