Feeling bereft

[wink62]

As a full time carer single handed to my 80 yr old husband
I have been looking forward to a weeks holiday whilst he is in respite care
I took him in yesterday and it was so heartbreaking I just came home and cried I feel lonely and bereft after 40 years of marriage I've never really been apart from him before
Now I'm packing for my early flight tomorrow and it feels wrong despite knowing how much I need a rest
I'm only 64 and know I have to start making a new life for myself as he will be in residential care soon but still feel strange here alone
I have close family and friends of course but I'm essentially alone even when he's at home because he doesn't speak much and lives in another world which doesn't include me
How sad this terrible disease is its smashed my wonderful marriage in pieces
Hope others are coping with their journeys
Thank goodness for TP

 

[SnowWhite]

Hello Wink.. You sound like you really do need a holiday but it will take you a while to switch off. There is no easy answer but you MUST try to relax. As well as my Mum with Alzheimer's I have an adult daughter with special needs and the first time us two were apart I just could not relax. She goes off for respite now a couple of times a year and she loves It and I can now happily wave her off.

Where are you going? Just some warmth and sunshine will make you feel better. Xx

 

[LadyA]

Hello, Wink62. There are many here who will completely understand how you are feeling. The No Man's Land of being a "midow" - not yet widowed, but, in effect, having to live the life of a widow. The responsibility for everything becomes yours, yet, you aren't as free as if you were single. And maybe worst of all are the well-meaning, but misguided people who murmur about how "relieved" you must be to finally have your life back. Oh, the temptation to give them a slap!

Try to relax and enjoy your break. Your husband will be looked after and safe. And everything else will wait.

 

[wink62]

Sunshine

Hello Wink.. You sound like you really do need a holiday but it will take you a while to switch off. There is no easy answer but you MUST try to relax. As well as my Mum with Alzheimer's I have an adult daughter with special needs and the first time us two were apart I just could not relax. She goes off for respite now a couple of times a year and she loves It and I can now happily wave her off.

Where are you going? Just some warmth and sunshine will make you feel better. Xx

Hi thanks for the reply I'm going to menorca where we have been going for 20 years I'm staying in a spa hotel on the beach so hoping to get some spa treatment
You are right I need to switch off !

 

[MERENAME]

Holiday sounds lovely wink62. Letting someone else take the strain for a while will do you the world of good. Enjoy it as much as you can but even if you aren't be assured it's doing your health good and making you stronger for both yourself and your husband.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Wink

If this is your first respite it will definitely be the most difficult time of your life.

I remember my first respite when I felt as vulnerable as my husband. I was very emotional and held back from phoning the home in case I burst into tears . Eventually I picked up courage and the carer I spoke to said " Don't worry about him. He's a darling" It was so unexpected and such a wonderful thing to hear, it made the rest of the week much easier than I could ever have hoped.

Sadly it was the first and only respite care I had because my husband was only home fo a month when he had to go into permanent care .

I do hope you get some pleasure from your holiday. Your husband will be all right. He has to be, you need the break.

 

[wink62]

Holiday

If this is your first respite it will definitely be the most difficult time of your life.

I remember my first respite when I felt as vulnerable as my husband. I was very emotional and held back from phoning the home in case I burst into tears . Eventually I picked up courage and the carer I spoke to said " Don't worry about him. He's a darling" It was so unexpected and such a wonderful thing to hear, it made the rest of the week much easier than I could ever have hoped.

Sadly it was the first and only respite care I had because my husband was only home fo a month when he had to go into permanent care .

I do hope you get some pleasure from your holiday. Your husband will be all right. He has to be, you need the break.

Thank you for your kind reply I am holding back from phoning as I have been crying a lot since yesterday,but know that he will be fine with all those lovely carers.six people will be doing what I do on my own every day !
I am sure that when I get to Menorca I will be fine ,I'm familiar with the hotel and expect to see people I know ,they will be shocked to see me on my own this year ,but never mind ,I am a Christian and my faith has kept me going through all the horror of dementia so far .god never lets us down and he holds us in the palm of his hand !