1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Ab96

    Ab96 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2015
    12
    I feel this may be a rant so I apologise in advance.

    Why is this disease so so evil?? Why on earth if there was a god would he do this? I feel selfish for being upset, upset that I want my grandad to be there in body AND mind when I get married, when I have children.

    I want the man that took me to the market every Wednesday in the winter, and swimming in the summer. Who taught me to ride my bike, taught me to swim, helped me learn to ready and write, worked in my school, done everything he possibly could for me.

    I want him here, I don't want him to get upset because he's frustrated, I want him to laugh, and take me home in the car, and do a silly dance to 'my old mans a dustman'

    I want him to read the paper again, I want him to be able to tie his own shoelaces and zip up his coat.

    And now I feel selfish because it's all about what I want, when he's the one suffering. I just hate this


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  2. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    Oh Ab, never apologise for such a heartfelt rant :)

    Of course you want your grandad, and you want him to be as you remember him. It's wonderful that you obviously had such a great relationship.....but all the more painful for you when he's ill :(

    My daughter is getting married this year. In her case it's her grandma who has dementia, but I know she feels as you do that she wants her to be there, and to see her (hoped for) children. It's not to be, I'm afraid, my mum would find it too challenging....

    I hear you, Ab, and am sending you massive (((hugs)))

    Lindy xx
     
  3. Ab96

    Ab96 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2015
    12
    Thankyou so much Lindy, it's lovely being here, I feel like no one else understands, but I don't feel alone here, thankyou again xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,343
    Merseyside
    That how I feel about my Dad.

    People on here do understand & feel the same anger, sadness etc that you do. Keep posting.
     
  5. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,096
    Male
    Bristol
    I know how you feel Ab, my OH is not who she was and it's hard. Lindy put the rest better than I could.
     
  6. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    332
    rct
    Hi!..im my dads carer and there are times when i have a big rant as many could recall on here.
    In between those times we laugh together struggle together and learn about his disease.
    Im putting all my adrenalin into courses and campaigning for people with dementia and carers saying the blunt truths to those that dont want to hear it .
    From goverments to supermarkets gps etc..because its bad enough that my dad has to have a disease that isnt even classed as a disability to be medically supported by people who havent a clue!

    On the positive we go to choir pottery arts and crafts even bowls. Hes physically challenged by it sometimes but has become an amazing artist and potter. I kid you not. All thanks to the alzheimers groups..

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
     

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  7. Ab96

    Ab96 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2015
    12




    Thankyou, your dad's work is beautiful xx
     
  8. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637
    Rant away we all understand and feel and know your frustrations.

    Take each day as it comes and live in the moment, not the past or the future .... Right here and now. There will I hope be moments you can still treasure with your grandad, grab each one and hold on to them, they will help you to get through the darker days.
     
  9. Ab96

    Ab96 Registered User

    Apr 2, 2015
    12
    Thankyou Tears Falling, such a lovely thing to say, need to pull my socks up! Xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  10. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637

    Ha ha. Leave your socks where there are....they are having their own moment...:)
     
  11. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    Hello Ab,
    I feel angry too. Angry that my second husband with whom I found out what it was really like to be loved has this terrible disease and all the things we had hoped to do together are no longer possible.
    I find sometimes that being angry makes it easier to cope. I do not really know who I am angry with- I just have that child's refrain going round in my head IT'S NOT FAIR.
    I find the angry feeling makes it easier to cope when I have to fight the system. I do not shout at anyone, but feeling angry inside helps me cope. If an official person actually shows some empathy and really makes me feel they do know what it is like then I am likely to just cry.
    Sometimes you need to be angry
    Tre
     

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