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Feeling alone

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
Hi
My mum suffers with vascular dementia and at the moment I am finding it difficult to come to terms with. I have recently moved away from living close to my parents due to circumstances not related to the dementia and I am finding it difficult to deal with my mums problems. I am 22 and she is 47 and I don't have anybody around me of my own age that understands what i am going through and I find a lot of people don't want to even try and understand or listen. I am feeling really on my own with it because I don't feel able to talk to the rest of the family about how it makes me feel so I was wondering if there is anybody willing to talk?
Thanks
 

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Hi
My mum suffers with vascular dementia and at the moment I am finding it difficult to come to terms with. I have recently moved away from living close to my parents due to circumstances not related to the dementia and I am finding it difficult to deal with my mums problems. I am 22 and she is 47 and I don't have anybody around me of my own age that understands what i am going through and I find a lot of people don't want to even try and understand or listen. I am feeling really on my own with it because I don't feel able to talk to the rest of the family about how it makes me feel so I was wondering if there is anybody willing to talk?
Thanks
Hello Kilgara and welcome to TP . I am so sorry to hear about your mums Vascular dementia and at such a young age too! Do try and tell someone how you feel . Is there a family member you can talk to? My husband got Alzheimers and Vascular dementia so if you have any questions or worries do fire away and I will try and answer them there's always help and support on this side from members x


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malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
north east lincolnshire
my daughter is on facebook my wife/her mum is now 44 with alzheimer's and i'm sure she would love to talk to you,she has also made friends with a girl on here from leicestershire in a similiar position.
 

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
my daughter is on facebook my wife/her mum is now 44 with alzheimer's and i'm sure she would love to talk to you,she has also made friends with a girl on here from leicestershire in a similiar position.
Hi is your daughter on TP it would be nice to be able to speak to someone in a similar situation
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,769
England
Hi Kilgara and welcome.

This is the place to help you deal with your feelings. We all have a great understanding of dementia and how you are feeling. Please post as much as you want, ask any questions you want and even scream and shout as much as you want.

Friends will shy away, dementia is a difficult illness to understand and to some people can be frightening so keep your friends as friends for social times and use TP to unburden and seek help and support.

Take care.
 

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
Hi Kilgara and welcome.

This is the place to help you deal with your feelings. We all have a great understanding of dementia and how you are feeling. Please post as much as you want, ask any questions you want and even scream and shout as much as you want.

Friends will shy away, dementia is a difficult illness to understand and to some people can be frightening so keep your friends as friends for social times and use TP to unburden and seek help and support.

Take care.
Thank you all for your posts. A lot of things just seem so confusing to me. i try reading up on information about dementia at it just makes everything even mor confusing. I know that my mums dementia has been caused by a stroke (well I think that's right) but if she isn't having any more strokes then how is it getting worse? How quickly will she deteriorate? Will it get worse? How can I help her, especially with not living near and not being able to see her right not? How do I respond to some of her questions? There is just so much that I am so confused about.
 

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
I must have missed that one when I looked down them hut I have had a look at it now, thank you
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,769
England
Thank you all for your posts. A lot of things just seem so confusing to me. i try reading up on information about dementia at it just makes everything even mor confusing. I know that my mums dementia has been caused by a stroke (well I think that's right) but if she isn't having any more strokes then how is it getting worse? How quickly will she deteriorate? Will it get worse? How can I help her, especially with not living near and not being able to see her right not? How do I respond to some of her questions? There is just so much that I am so confused about.

Dementia is a progressive disease and that is about all that is certain. Some people progress slowly living a very good life with some support and medication. It is hard but it really is best to take it a day at a time and not anticipate anything because it may not happen. Everyone living with dementia will get some of the problems but not all of them. Deal with them when they appear not worry about them appearing.

The main things at first are to sort legal things out such as making a will so everyone knows what your Mother's wishes are though she may already have done this. Then there is Lasting Power of Attorney which means your Mother will decide who she wishes to take care of her finances should she find it difficult and there is also one for health and welfare too.

If she drives then the DVLA need to know of her diagnosis. This does not mean that she will have to stop driving. My husband continued to drive for 4 years post diagnosis and was tested annually to make sure he was ok to drive. Some members on the forum have driven for much longer, everyone is different.

Take care when talking to your Mum that you do not constantly tell her she is wrong or that you have told her a dozen times the answer to the question she is asking for the thirteenth time in the last five minutes. Her memory will be a problem that is upsetting to her and annoying to you. Don't be upset by your feelings, we have all felt that way.

There is help out there though you may have to shout loud and clear to get the attention you need. Would your Mum accept help from a care agency if she needed it. She may think she does not and is managing well. It will be difficult managing from afar and I am sure someone who has or is caring from afar will be along to offer advice. You can speak to social services and ask for an assessment for your Mum to see what her needs are and what help they can offer.

Please keep asking your questions, there will always be someone who can give you the answer or at least point you in the right direction.

Take care
 

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
Dementia is a progressive disease and that is about all that is certain. Some people progress slowly living a very good life with some support and medication. It is hard but it really is best to take it a day at a time and not anticipate anything because it may not happen. Everyone living with dementia will get some of the problems but not all of them. Deal with them when they appear not worry about them appearing.

The main things at first are to sort legal things out such as making a will so everyone knows what your Mother's wishes are though she may already have done this. Then there is Lasting Power of Attorney which means your Mother will decide who she wishes to take care of her finances should she find it difficult and there is also one for health and welfare too.

If she drives then the DVLA need to know of her diagnosis. This does not mean that she will have to stop driving. My husband continued to drive for 4 years post diagnosis and was tested annually to make sure he was ok to drive. Some members on the forum have driven for much longer, everyone is different.

Take care when talking to your Mum that you do not constantly tell her she is wrong or that you have told her a dozen times the answer to the question she is asking for the thirteenth time in the last five minutes. Her memory will be a problem that is upsetting to her and annoying to you. Don't be upset by your feelings, we have all felt that way.

There is help out there though you may have to shout loud and clear to get the attention you need. Would your Mum accept help from a care agency if she needed it. She may think she does not and is managing well. It will be difficult managing from afar and I am sure someone who has or is caring from afar will be along to offer advice. You can speak to social services and ask for an assessment for your Mum to see what her needs are and what help they can offer.

Please keep asking your questions, there will always be someone who can give you the answer or at least point you in the right direction.

Take care


Hi she has already taken care of the legal side of things with my dad but they have never spoken to me about her wishes. Although it is something I wish she would talk to me about but I guess my parents think it might upset me I don't know and I don't know how to bring the conversation up with them.
She has never drove either so that's one less thing.
She has had social services assessments and she has carers go in 3 times a day and my dad has quit work to become her full time carer.
I try not to get frustrated it can just get hard sometimes and I wish it wasn't happening to her.
 

em_goldy

Registered User
Apr 17, 2015
2
Sydney, Australia
I'm 27 and my mother also has vascular dementia caused a stroke she had in the year 2000. Last year she went in to a nursing home as my dad could no longer care for her. I live a plane ride away from my parents so don't get to see them too often which makes her decline very obvious. I tried to see her in the nursing home over Christmas but broke down and couldn't face her. I don't know when I will be strong enough to see her as she no longer knows who I am so I am really struggling with that. Please know you are not alone (although, trust me, I feel very alone too sometimes). Feel free to msg me if you ever need to talk x


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indigo_87

Registered User
May 2, 2015
5
I'm also in a similar situation, I'm 27 and my dad has vascular dementia too after suffering from a stroke. He still lives at home and my mum has to look after him full time. We have support from social services but it's still scary and isolating. I visit as much as I can and every time I see him I can see that he has deteriorated a little more each time. My dad was once so independent and now he can't even get up without help or form coherent sentences, it's heartbreaking x
 

Kilgara

Registered User
Sep 15, 2013
14
It is hard and a lot of the time I am left feeling so helpless like I want to take it all away but I can't :(


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