Feeling alone

[emmamarie]

Hello everyone, thank you for your answers to the previous message, I honestly didn't think I'd receive any! Currently I am revising for my gcses and I am struggling because I just want to be with my dad. My dad had been in a nursing home for about 3 months now and the last time I visited he didn't know who I was. I was heartbroken and spoke to a relative who just said 'well you knew it was going to happen'. I was shocked at this response but not suprised as she had not visited my dad while he was in the home as she said it was 'too hard'.Today my dad recognised me and I was so happy , but I wish I could make my family understand how difficult this is for me especially at my age.

 

[Noorza]

Can you find your Senco at school, you don't have to have a earning difficulty, but this is definitely a Special Educational Need right now. They might be able to signpost you into places that can help you on a local basis. Do you have a trusted teacher, adult friend?

If their minds are closed right now, I think it would be a really good idea to get some support, help and advice from some trusted older people in your life.

 

[Tilly Mint]

I've had mum not recognise me but when she's relaxed it just flows when she asks me to do something, she'll use my name so it could be a bit of stress on top of her condition or tiredness that can cause these phases.

The thing is whether she recognises you or not your relationship stays the same and that usually means unconditional love.

It stings a bit when it first happens but then you carry on and it becomes part of how she is and you'll love her regardless as she loved you before you could speak her name.

 

[SoyHJ]

Hi Emmarie. Whether your Dad knows your name or not, he still knows that you are a person he cares a lot about. He loves you regardless of if he can name you. When he does know your name it means so much to you and when you are feeling down, try and focus on moments like that. As for your relative who said 'you knew it was going to happen'. This only shows that he/she has absolutely no idea of what this illness is like for us all to try and deal with. She can't visit him because 'it's too hard'? You, sweetheart, are the strong one here. Certainly stronger than her because you find this so hard but you DO visit your Dad.

As for your GCSEs, you must try and find a teacher you feel comfortable with to talk to. Maybe your year head? Whoever you choose to talk to, you must do this and try and explain how things are for you at the moment. If it helps, show them some of your posts on here. The Exam Officer at your school can arrange to submit a letter to the exam boards explaining that the student is in the middle of difficult family circumstances and the exam boards are usually very considerate. The teacher you speak to will explain more about this and the exam officer will need a letter from your GP to confirm your Dad's situation. Please think hard about who you feel you can talk to. Thinking of you. X

 

[stanleypj]

Hi again emmamarie, I'm glad you're getting help and advice from TP.

But I agree with others that you need to find someone at school to talk to about your problems. The issue of young carers (of which you are one) is often a hidden one and schools need to be fully aware of the pressures you guys are under. Though I'm sure you're a committed student, it's a question of priorities. At the moment, your dad is understandably your priority. It may be that GCSEs will have to wait. But you need to talk this through.

If there were a GCSE in caring, you would get an A*.

 

[Saffie]

There will be a pastoral team in your school so can you speak the member of that team with whom you have the best relationship?
I suspect that you probably have already done that though. It is so very sad for you to be in this situation at such a very young age.

Personally, I have no patience with people who find it too hard to visit relatives or friends in care or nursing homes. They should consider how much harder is it for the person there and for those that are so very close to them, just as you are.

I hope you can find a way to cope with your exams though it must be difficult for you.
Please do as Soy has suggested and ask for help re the examining board too.

You are such a caring and devoted daughter. x