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Feeling A Little Better

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
Hello Everyone.

Just letting you know that I'm feeling a bit better after the grief came back yesterday when I sent the Will off for probate. I emailed my brother to say how I was feeling after I had sent it and I was ignored.

MaNaAk
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
747
Ah, glad to hear you feel better, I had just responded to your other post. Have another virtual hug......
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
@Helly68.

The apple blossom will be beautiful and the apples sweet. I am overrun with apples. I will also be planning what to do for dad's birthday in a few weeks so that I am not on my own.

MaNaAk
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
747
Yes, I hope so. It is a Braeburn apple, she liked those. She also like Mangoes but I couldn't have the poor gardener at the care home try and make one of those grow in this country....
I think apples stewed freeze quite well, but probably depends if you have an eater or a cooker. We had an old bramley in our garden when I was a child and we were forever stewing apples - sometimes with blackberries for a bit of variety.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
944
Southampton
my nan had a big garden and had a bramley cookers, pears and peach. she used to give us so many apples which i stewed that its lucky it wasnt today with the shortage of loo rolls [maybe too much information ] she also had all number of berries spuds peas in their pods we used to burst runner beans you name like an allotment and we used to hide in the long grass right at the bottom
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
944
Southampton
Hello Everyone.

Just letting you know that I'm feeling a bit better after the grief came back yesterday when I sent the Will off for probate. I emailed my brother to say how I was feeling after I had sent it and I was ignored.

MaNaAk
they need a course communication and compassion
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,652
South coast
The grief monster will jump out give you a slap for a while @MaNaAk . Im afraid its what happens.
I wouldnt bother trying to tell your brother about it - he seems very lacking in empathy about your situation.
Just tell us about it here - we understand
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
Yes it's not so much probate itself it's the people I'm dealing but I got an email this morning from the elder of my two brothers saying that he hopes that I'm which is good. However it's even better coming on here and chatting to people full of experience of these things.

Also my friends and neighbours are doing very well out of my apples!

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
The grief monster will jump out give you a slap for a while @MaNaAk . Im afraid its what happens.
I wouldnt bother trying to tell your brother about it - he seems very lacking in empathy about your situation.
Just tell us about it here - we understand
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I know the funny thing is thought I was starting to get over dad's death a bit more lately but little things bring it all back and as my friend, who was also a carer said, when the second parent dies you find that the grief returns for the first parent. Mum's birthday was last week and dad's will be in a few weeks time.

Hugs to everyone here from

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
944
Southampton
its true when you think of one you think of the other. you are doing so well MaNaAk . dont worry about what he says,give yourself a break and just go with the grief. when you eventually move thats when the grief will kick in again. be kind to yourself and use all the help you are given. you really have been through it. well done for getting through it more hugs jenny
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,101
@MaNaAk I went down dads on Friday and my brother has ripped all the carpets up and plonked them in the hall. It was horrible even though I knew he was going to start clearing things. He has even put a bed in there that he appears to have slept on. I have said a last goodbye to the bungalow now and I won't go again as it holds too many memories and I want to keep dads place in my mind as it was when he was there. It looks like a tip now and I don't want to remember it like that as it is very upsetting. I had to go for a long drive after I left just to clear my mind,. It is my birthday soon and I will take some flowers to the church instead because both mum and dad are there now and it will be nicer.

It's funny how he can spend so much time there now when he could never spend more than ten minutes there when dad was still here. He was famous for his 'I can't stay more than a few minutes' because he was always going somewhere else. Even my mum called him 'the minute man'

I remember dads 88th birthday, when brother and SIL breezed in and gave dad his present but couldn't stay more than a few minutes because they had 'another birthday' to go to. I am sick of them, I really am.

There I have had a rant and maybe you should do the same. I am fed up with being polite and tactful just to keep the peace and it does you no good in the end and leaves you feeling bad.

Big hugs for you @MaNaAk and stay strong.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
203
Thinking of you. This grief thing is multi-faceted. I'm getting near the time when mum fell out of bed the first time. I keep thinking back to how it was last year, before it all went awry.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
944
Southampton
i had a tip this morning when i was discussing clearing the junk in my house and was if something means a lot to you and its hard to part with it but it has to go photo it so you got it forever but can part with it too dont know if that helps
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
Thinking of you. This grief thing is multi-faceted. I'm getting near the time when mum fell out of bed the first time. I keep thinking back to how it was last year, before it all went awry.
Thinking of you as well @CWR. I remember when dad first fell out of bed and ended up spending a night in hospital. Both brothers were told and the one that lived locally was away but didn't come round and see us when he got back.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
i had a tip this morning when i was discussing clearing the junk in my house and was if something means a lot to you and its hard to part with it but it has to go photo it so you got it forever but can part with it too dont know if that helps
Thankyou for that tip@ Jennifer 1967.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,759
Essex
@MaNaAk I went down dads on Friday and my brother has ripped all the carpets up and plonked them in the hall. It was horrible even though I knew he was going to start clearing things. He has even put a bed in there that he appears to have slept on. I have said a last goodbye to the bungalow now and I won't go again as it holds too many memories and I want to keep dads place in my mind as it was when he was there. It looks like a tip now and I don't want to remember it like that as it is very upsetting. I had to go for a long drive after I left just to clear my mind,. It is my birthday soon and I will take some flowers to the church instead because both mum and dad are there now and it will be nicer.

It's funny how he can spend so much time there now when he could never spend more than ten minutes there when dad was still here. He was famous for his 'I can't stay more than a few minutes' because he was always going somewhere else. Even my mum called him 'the minute man'

I remember dads 88th birthday, when brother and SIL breezed in and gave dad his present but couldn't stay more than a few minutes because they had 'another birthday' to go to. I am sick of them, I really am.

There I have had a rant and maybe you should do the same. I am fed up with being polite and tactful just to keep the peace and it does you no good in the end and leaves you feeling bad.

Big hugs for you @MaNaAk and stay strong.
Dear @ Duggies-Girl,

I've just realised it's your birthday soon. I hope you have a nice day with your husband and children. Dad had a lovely last birthday in the care home and I remember phoning the elder of my two brothers on skype which was nice as he got to speak to his grandchildren. I also phoned my youngest brother who was away and his partner answered. They were in a restaurant and his partner picked up the phone which I passed to dad and my brother was happy to let her talk on the phone without speaking himself. During the October half-term that year my other brother came with the family and gave dad a present which was nice but he was very critical of the state of the house! My youngest brother never gave dad a birthday card or present and stopped visiting dad after Christmas. When I played the violin at the care home after dad passed away the care home staff forgot I had two brothers and asked how my 'brother' was. Also I had a card from the daughter of one of the other residents saying that dad would keep talking about his daughter. I could go on as I realise your brother is similar to mine as they always seemed to be too busy. Dad used to make remarks about this long before Alzheimers and mum used to get upset when her eldest son didn't visit his grandmother.

Hugs and I would love to send you birthday wishes.

MaNaAk