Feeling a bit lost tonight.

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by CLAIREDAY, Apr 25, 2015.


    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    I only joined this site last week as my father was going to be sent to a nursing home from the hospital but sadly he did not make it.
    As I could not do anything tonight I went with some friends the theatre and sitting next to us were some of the nurses from the ward my father was in.
    I put Dads death aside in the theatre and the nurses were pleasant.
    I am just feeling annoyed / upset I had to get in to an argument with the social worker about the ownership of the house when Dad was at death's door.
    Obviously I had to defend my right to the house as it is my home but it was upsetting at a sad time.
    One good thing though is I have got our dog who is great company and Dad and Mum are probably playing with our 4 departed dogs and the ones they had in childhood which I never met. They knew each other's dogs as they met when they were 9.
    Our dog went to Mum's funeral and he will be at Dad's. He behaved himself but I am sure Dad will not mind if he does bark.
    When the curtains closed he gave Mum a woof.

  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Deepest sympathy on your sad loss, ClaireDay, and wishing you peace at such a hard time.
  3. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    North East Lincs
    Hi Claireday what a beautiful post at this very difficult time for you. My thoughts are with you at this very sad time.
  4. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Oh claireday, so sorry xx
  5. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    NW England
    So very sorry Claireday.

    brambles x
  6. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    I am very sorry for your loss x
  7. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    Oh clareday so sorry to hear of your loss. Thoughts are with you xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    Thank you all for your condolences in spite of the fact I am a new member.
    I was only told about this site last week. I wish I had known before.
    As there is little I could do today I went to my aerobics class, myself and a friend are going out for lunch soon and we will be coming back for our dogs so we may take them for a walk or they will take us for a walk this afternoon.
    Tomorrow I will have to visit the funeral director to discuss more detailed arrangements and I will start to apply for probate. Neither of my parents left any funeral wishes and my father was not really involved in my mother's funeral arrangements as the dementia had started with him.
    They did leave wills in respect of the estate.
    Dougal the dog keeps on looking round the house trying to find Mum and Dad.
    So far I have had 5 people in the wider family phone me to say don't put him in kennels if I want to go on holiday ect.
    They said they would love to look after him. The funeral directors like Dougal as well.

  9. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Thank goodness you have Dougal. I wonder how I would have coped back in January when my husband died. My little Lhasa Apso stayed so close to me - sleeping on the bed all night and then visiting her late Master's bed first thing in the morning to check if he had by some chance returned home. Now we are both in such a routine which gets me through the bad days. Take care of yourself. Loving thoughts WIFE
  10. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I'm very sorry to read about your loss- but I hope you find comfort in knowing that your Mum and Dad are reunited.


    Lyn T XX
  11. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    Sincerely sorry to hear about your Dad.
    Dougal is lucky to have such a loving family, I hope he gives your Dad a farewell 'woof' too.:)
    I wish you strength and peace to continue through the hard times. x
  12. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    Oh Claire, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It is a lovely thought taking Dougal to the funeral.

    I didn't take my Dougal to my husband's funeral because I thought he might bark too much!! As it was a woodland burial, I thought he might want to chase the squirrels too.

    Take care of yourself.
  13. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Thinking of you and of your loss, much love Rose x

    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    Hi Jan

    We know there is always the risk of dogs barking at funerals but all of the family love dogs and they generally want their own dog at their funeral.
    The driver of the Limo has volunteered to come in and take him out if there are problems.
    They can not have him in the Limo as there is a very remote chance the next user could be allergic to dogs. Funeral cars are cleaned between funerals but they can not take risks.
    The minister has said funerals should be what the person wants and interruptions happen from children etc so dogs are no different.
    I am not sure if he knew Mum was in the coffin or if he heard the sound of the curtains closing when he barked.

  15. J2e

    J2e Registered User

    Apr 24, 2015
    I have a Jack Russell terrier and through both the loss of Dad 4 years ago and Mum almost 12 weeks have found the dog walking routine really helpful.

    Good ol' dogs. May Dougal be a comfort and routine giver as you go through these difficult times


    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    Hi Jane

    Dogs are always there to get you through the bad times and share in the good.
    Dougal's previous owner died and our dog died the same day on his 17th birthday.
    We had a phone call asking if we would like him.
    We collected him immediately and he was in the house 2 hours after the death of our previous dog.
    He had to put his own sadness aside when he was only 5 months old to comfort us.

  17. Sasky

    Sasky Registered User

    Jan 29, 2014
    Ashford, Kent
    So so sad, I have two chocolate Labradors and they are the only thing that are keeping me going since the loss of my darling Mum and best friend 5 months ago. Without them I don't know what I would do as I miss my Mum so much

    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    Dougal is keeping very close to me at the moment.
    I don't know if he is trying to console me or if he is worried because he has lost 2 of his owners recently. Probably he is wondering who would look after him if I go ill or something along those lines.
    The truth is I have a very big wider family and we tend to think of all the dogs as belonging to everybody.
    If somebody goes ill somebody will come and get the dog and he will be looked after.
    One dog was unfortunate once as he had to be handed on to 3 different people as his owner was in hospital for 52 days.
    Fortunately the owner was able to step out of the ward and it was summer so his dog was able to visit on several occasions.
    No dog has been in a kennel.

  19. J2e

    J2e Registered User

    Apr 24, 2015
    Don't worry too much about the why Claire. If I were you I'd just enjoy the company of Dougal for a while.


    CLAIREDAY Account on hold

    Apr 22, 2015
    Dad's funeral has been organised.

    Just to let everybody know Dad's funeral has been organised for the 14th May 3 weeks after he died.
    Mum's took about the same time as you have to take in to account when people are available.
    Knowing where his assets are has made things easier. I would recommend people give a list of where their money etc is held to ease matters at a distressing time.
    Dougal is looking at the laptop screen and appears to be taking an interest.
    I suppose it is his house and money as well.


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