feel this is the end for Mum

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by tomkitten16, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    You are in my thoughts.
     
  2. Bear44

    Bear44 Registered User

    Sep 28, 2015
    126
    USA
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    I lost my mother when she was only 58, I am so sorry for your pain
     
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,192
    Toronto, Canada
    Thinking of you
     
  4. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Thank you all for your support and kindness -it means a LOT to me. Well we went to sit with Mum this morning and the end seems near.Poor Mum is semi conscious and has fast rattly breathing ;All fluids and puree have been removed now -basically the staff swab her mouth with water; the pump hasn't been administered as the district nurse has said Mum seems comfortable and morphine injections will be administered as and when needed -Is it ''normal''for someones eyes to stay open even toward the end? When my Dad died age 58 from cancer,I don't remember his eyes staying open .All I can say is Mum is being made as comfortable as possible and the care home staff are being fantastic; I hope though Mum will not have to endure another night. x
     
  5. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    My thoughts are with you (((( )))) xxx
     
  6. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    I suspect that Mum's eyes aren't seeing this world much now and her brain simply hasn't told her eyes to close.
    I'm pleased to hear she is not in pain nor anxious, Just talk to her and tell her it's OK to go...
    |Still thinking of you.x.x.
     
  7. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    What a lovely way of putting it!

    There is a school of thought that some people need to be 'given permission' to let go. Whether it is true or not, I don't know but I did remember this when my MIL was near the end. I told her that all she had to do was relax and go when she was ready - she left us a few hours later.
     
  8. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Mum's long journey finally ended last night at 10.20pm;I feel guilty as I was at home asleep in my bed ;How could I sleep when she was leaving us?
    I feel empty but peaceful if that makes sense ?
    Thank you to everyone for your support ,kind words and making me feel not so lonely xxx Lorraine
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,141
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read about your mum. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength. Please try not to feel guilty.
     
  10. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    It makes perfect sense, Lorraine. So sorry for your loss but glad she is at peace now. And please banish all thoughts of guilt from your mind right now, your Mum would have been glad you were getting some sleep, I bet you've not had much in the last...well, goodness knows how long.

    Thinking of you and your family xxx
     
  11. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    So sorry of the loss of your dear mum . Sending condolences to you and your family . Don't feel guilty as she is at peace now


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,223
    Female
    The Sweet North
    My deepest sympathy on the loss of your Mum. Her journey has ended and she is at peace. No need to feel any guilt whatsoever, tomkitten. If your Mum could have known you were sleeping she would have been pleased, I am sure, and slipped away knowing you were resting.
     
  13. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    My deepest sympathies to you am sure that your mum would have been glad that you were resting she is at peace now xxxxx
     
  14. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    If I could have any awareness, when about to take my last breath, that my Daughter was sleeping I would pass on peacefully. You were with your Mum when she needed you to be-and that's what counts. Your Mum is now at rest and her struggles are over; she would not have wanted you to feel guilty for not being there.

    Please accept my condolences.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  15. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    Your Mum is at peace, you let her know you loved her and she could leave.....and she left.
    Now be at peace in yourself, you did all you could.
    Thinking of you with sympathy.x.x
     
  16. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,474
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Makes perfect sense to me. I was at home in bed too when the call came. Guilt is the last thing you should feel after your devotion to your mum. Deepest sympathy to you and hoping you continue to feel at peace.
     
  17. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,995
    UK
    A nurse once told me that sometimes people wait for their loved ones to leave so they can pass quietly away.

    I am sorry she has left you but your love for her shines through.
     
  18. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Yes, I was going to say this. It is very common for a relative to sit with someone for hours on end, only to slip away when they have nipped out to the loo or for a cuppa etc.

    TomKitten, your beloved mum is at peace now, you will always hold her in your heart. If you want to see her again, look in the mirror, she lives on in you. xx
     

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