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feel this is the end for Mum

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by tomkitten16, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    #1 tomkitten16, Sep 12, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2015
    I haven't posted anything for over a year now so here goes.Mum has vascular dementia mixed with Alzheimers,she is 76 and has lived in a wonderful care home for the past 3yrs.She has had this horrible illness for about 8 yrs.On sunday she fell and was taken to hospital with a broken hip which was operated on under gen anaesthetic ( mon).Since then she has deteriorated rapidly;she looks a waxy colour,she cannot swallow and is supposedly being fed stage 3 fluid and a tsp of puree ;she is semi concious most of the time with her eyes partially open;she is not now on any intravenous fluids and not catheterized presumably as she is not taking fluids no urine is being produced; her mouth is dry and open and her neck looks swollen;This is all so shocking that I'm finding this hard to describe;I just wish she could slip away as my sister and our two children feel so desperately sorry for her and we feel so useless.When we visit or ring for updates on Mum ,the hospital staff just say she's ok which she evidently is n't.I just feel so so sad and wish the end would come for her soon.
     
  2. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    I am so sorry to hear of your mum's condition (((tomkitten)))
     
  3. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Thank you
     
  4. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    I'm so sorry, tomkitten, this must be a dreadful time for you. All I can do is send hugs and sympathy, wishing it could be more.

    xx
     
  5. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Thank you xx
     
  6. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637
    Sorry to read that your mum is so unwell. Keep visiting, holding her hand and giving her your love. She will be aware that you are there even if dementia is in control.

    Wishing you all peace.
     
  7. Sasky

    Sasky Registered User

    Jan 29, 2014
    103
    Ashford, Kent
    So sorry, I know exactly what you are going through this is what happened to my Mum after she broke her hip it's heartbreaking. I am thinking of you
     
  8. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Mum still won't let go

    Mum is still hanging on to life;her care home manager visited her yesterday in hospital and we have all agreed that Mum is at end of life and should be moved to her care home where she will be allowed to die with love and care;she looks like she has had a brain bleed according to her care home manager and she is unresponsive with her eyes half open and a very dry mouth.She is being fed teaspoons of porridge and purees- again only about 4 teaspoons a day.I hope she does make it back to the home as they are an exceptional team of caring people and at least she would feel the love they have for her there.We have been to see Mum and we have told her to go peacefully as her Mum and our Dad are waiting for her.I never thought I could ever feel so sad and I feel for my sister,my 16yr old son and niece- that will be all that is left of my lovely family.I only hope that Mum gets the peace soon that she so deserves.
     
  9. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    So hope that the move back to care home goes well for your mum and that you find the strength to get through what is to come. So sorry, but don't know what to type next, so please take care of yourself.
     
  10. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    Thankyou so much;Mums due back in her care home as soon as the hospital bed is delivered to recieve love and palliative care ;just hope the end of her horrific journey is peaceful .
     
  11. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    I too hope that your mother is able to return to her care home and that her passing is gentle. Sending much love to you, Tomkitten, and your family.
     
  12. woodbrooklabs

    woodbrooklabs Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    45
    Hope your mum gets back to the care home and is peaceful with everyone around her.x
     
  13. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Your Mum's CH is definitely the best place for her. She will be with people who know her and who will help her on her final journey.

    I hope all will be peaceful.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  14. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,110
    Toronto, Canada
    I hope the move goes smoothly and your mother will be back among those who love and care for her.
     
  15. Blogg

    Blogg Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    64
    My thoughts are with you at this difficult time (())
     
  16. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    So sorry to read about your poor Mum. Hope she is soon back at her care home to be made as comfortable as possible. Thinking of you and your family at this emotional and painful time. Take care.
     
  17. Weary

    Weary Registered User

    Aug 1, 2014
    86
    I'm so sorry, I know how awful it is waiting for your loved one to pass and feeling so helpless. Hang on in there all our thoughts are with you . I hope your mum passes gently soon then you will both be released from this horrible illness.
     
  18. MeganCat

    MeganCat Registered User

    Jan 29, 2013
    356
    South Wales
    I hope you manage to get her discharged, it will be a nicer environment for your remaining time together xx thinking of you
     
  19. SisterAct

    SisterAct Registered User

    Hi Tomkitten
    So sorry to hear about your Mum. I think this is the worst time as you feel you are in limbo. I hope you manage to get her back to the NH in time so she can get the care with dignity that she deserves.
    Sending (((((hugs))))) for you and your Mum.
    Luv
    Polly x
     
  20. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    342
    merseyside
    mum back in her CH

    Mum finally got back to her lovely care home complete with hospital bed.The staff are amazing and turn her every 2 hrs;she is totally incontinent now but only produces tiny amounts of urine as she;s not drinking anything;the staff try to give her stage 3 thickened fluids via a syringe but its not always successful;Mum's GP has taken her off all meds as she is unable to swallow;I assume that she has forgotten how to swallow but the CH staff say the reflex may come back;I don;t know. but she does have a slow deliver morphine patch ;I don't think Mum will ever walk again as she is so weak she lies in this vast padded bed watching childrens tv.She looks so much more cared for a nd the staff keep her mouth moist ;It is heart breaking to watch her -I ask myself how long can this go on; Mum hasn't eaten or drunk anything properly for 3 weeks.I wish the end would come for her as there is no dignity with this wretched illness.
    Thank you everyone for your kind words-they mean a lot as there is only me, my sister and our 2 teenage children in our family and sometimes it is difficult to talk to each other as it is too painful x
     

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