Hello,I am new here. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers five years ago when she was eighty.She is in a nursing home in Ireland and my Dad now lives on his own. My sister and I live here in the UK with our families.We go back to see Mum as often as we can - usually about every 5 weeks but since October she does not speak very much and does not remember anyone not even my Dad. It is her birthday on Thursday and this will be the first time that i will not speak to her. I miss hearing her voice even though the last few years she was so angry and said the nastiest things. I came back last Sunday and for the first time I did not kiss her goodbye. I could not bring myself to do it for some reason. i just walked out of her room as if I would be back in later. My Dad is finding it so hard but he never complains. My sister is not coping very well either and my brother leads his life as normal - he wont go to see her as he says he finds it too hard....as if we don't. We used to be all so close and now we only seem to be resenting each other. I feel so sad and for the first time since Mums diagnosis I wake up crying and I am supposed to be the one who keeps everyone else going.I think this is why I registered here tonight. Sorry to waffle on. Guess I am justfeeling sorry for myself. When Mum lived with us for awhile over here 2 years ago things were much tougher and I was not like this. For some reason her birthday is affecting me. Wish I could just pick up the phone and hear her voice on thursday.