Hi, This is the first time I have posted even though i have read many of the postings. I feel really guilty this afternoon as I have not gone to visit my Mum who has some form of Dementia and is in a Care Home. I will try to explain the situation in as few words as possible and hope I do not bore you. Until the beginning of Feb this year my Mum, Dad and sister lived together. My Dad had a stroke approx. 3 years ago and at the same time Mum started with the first signs of Dementia. My sister needed to support herself and had a full time job so she looked after Mum and Dad during the night and as I lived nearby and could afford not to work as my partner supports me I gave up work and looked after them during the day. The Dementia got much worse towards the end of 2005 and it was decided Mum would go into respite for 2 weeks which she did on 4th Feb, but on 6th Feb my dad was admitted to hospital and sadly he died on March 6th. Mums respite care has continued into full time care and unfortunately she does not seem to be settling in very well, she still knows us all by name and when we arrive to visit her which is every day she cries and wants to come home. Mum is also profoundly deaf which is agreat problem to her and also us when we are trying to expain things to her. She came to Dads funeral but I'm not sure she knew whose funeral it was - and she really enjoyed the tea afterwards when she saw all the family - I think she thought it was a party!! She is having good days and bad days and the staff in the home are kind to her and her specialist is trying to get the right balance of medication. Yesterday was one of my worst visits as she kept asking how Dad was. she has done this before, but yesterday she just went on and on saying that she must get home and do his tea as he would be annoyed if she was late, she was really agitated and asked why he had not come to see her.obviously losing my Dad is still very raw for me - I am at the very weepy stage at the moment, and I just did not know what to say to her because she would have forgotten in minutes - she just wanted to know why I was crying.I don't usually cry in front of her but yesterday I am afraid it just came. The Care Home manager suggested I did not visit today, and I have taken her advice but I feel so very guilty because I know Mum will be looking for me, even though she forgets I have been. If you are still reading this saga .thanks, as I am not really talking to anyone about how I feel at the moment - its just good to get it off my chest, even though I am now crying my eyes out.