Feel so alone

[wedge]

We have been back from holiday nearly a week, Bobs panic attacks got so bad on Monday I had to call an ambulance, he was so agitated and I was afraid for him and for me. The doctor prescriped diazepan for 2 weeks to break the cycle of panic.
He is also having periods when he will suddenly turn on me, accusing me of taking his cigarettes or tonight not letting him have a full glass of wine with his dinner,all completely untrue of course, he will recover after about an hour and does not remember what he has said. This is very frightening to me and to him as it has only happened since our holiday. He also I think has just realised that he has a serious condition, it seems to have hit him suddenly and he keeps saying that he is mental and is going to die.

Please help I know lots of you must have gone through similar things, how do I handle these times when he is imagining thingsw? should I retaliate and tell him its all in his mind? should I walk away? I dont know what to do for the best and I find it so upsetting.

It is even harder as Bobs language skills have all but dissapeared, he cannot comunicate what he feels and also does not understand everything that you say to him.

Wendy

 

[citybythesea]

Wendy,

I've never gone thru this..but I feel for you. There are those that will be able to help you better. I just wanted you to know I feel for you and Bob and both are in my prayers.



HUGS

Nancy

 

[Amy]

Hiya Wendy....so sorry that you are having such a tough spell at present. Is there any pattern to the time of day that Bob has these spells? Sound similar to mum's sundowning....with her they could last several hours in early evening....she would not recognise dad at all...he could not reason with her, though she would still often know me and her neighbours....her behaviour was very difficult for dad to handle....she would have no recollection the following morning....but she did seem to know that something had gone on and that she had been nasty to dad.

I would not retaliate...try and give Bob space if that is what he needs....and sit it out if you can. If you are in fear for your safety..have a plan...someone you can summon.
Love Helen

 

[gigi]

Wendy...

I have no experience of this..

It does sound very similar to Grannie G's recent predicament..

Am sure she'll be on line soon and may be able to offer support..

Love gigi xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:
I think you will find Grannie G has experienced very similar episodes.

We do have odd events at night time, usually between 1.00 am - 4.00 am Then David will be conversing or arguing with someone (not me) - he can get quite worked up. When I attend to him he is upset with me but not threatening. I hope that is NOT the next step.

I am sorry not to be more helpful. Have you informed your consultant? Surely there is some medication that my help to control this.

Love Jan

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Wendy.

MY husband has episodes like the ones you describe and I call them `lapses`. When he has a `lapse`, it is as if there is a barrier between us and I can`t reach him.

When he is aggressive, I walk into another room and tell him I`ll be there when he comes out of it. Otherwise I try to reassure him it is his condition and it will pass.

Now he is used to these episodes. He finds them upsetting but not as frightening as they were. He doesn`t remember anything either, just that he had a funny head. But he will ask if he did or said anything wrong or hurtful.

No-one seems to be able to explain why this happens.

I see from your profile that Bob has Frontal Lobe dementia. My husband has Alzheimers and possible vascular dementia. Even though both men have differences they also have similarities. But my husband is not yet losing much language, so can explain his feelings and what is happening to him more easily perhaps.

He no longer has panic attacks but had them in the earlier stages.

If he turns on you and puts you in the wrong, if you can, accept what he says and correct it. For example, it`s easy enough to say `sorry ` and pour him more wine.

But if it can`t be corrected and he is really unreasonable, I say, `I can see your head is bad again. I`ll go into another room and give you some peace and quiet until it goes.`

It`s frightening for both of you and you have to manage it as well as you can. Sadly it is up to you as you are the only one who has behaviour control. Your husband hasn`t.

Take care xx

 

[wedge]

Thank you

Thank you for your replies and thoughts. I will take your advice Sylvia and try to leave him to recover from his angry times. The CPN has been to see us today, and I feel I have a bit more support than I thought. I know there will be worse times to come, it is so frightening when something new happens.

We are going to see the consultant next week to try and control Bobs depression. The diazipan has turned him into a walking zombie, I am going to cut it back from today.

Thank you again it is comforting to know you are all out there.

Wendy