Feel like ive been hit by a bus

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by elwoodlpool, Mar 18, 2007.

  1. Hi all im really struggling to cope today (Mothers day) Ive got feelings of anger and really mad, Thinking why should it be my mum who is ill. Like everyone else has there mum with them on a day like today and my mum is away in a home at the age of 52. I feel like im gonna loose the plot today i know ive been having a hard time with my depression and everything but today something just dont feel right. I feel like just being on my own to cry myself stupid. Im suppose to be a bloke too.


    Hope youre all well

    Mark
     
  2. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Mark, hang on in there - if it helps at all - there are plenty of us here hurting, angry, sad, grieving today especially - and not just for our mothers ... this day triggers so much - me, I had to 'back off' and come away early from my mum today - and find some solace in TP where I know there are lots of others feeling - well - feeling like we've been hit by a bus - as you say ..... no need to explain things, people just KNOW .....

    There's another thread here on Mother's Day - and I've come to TP and can't even contribute to it this afternoon ..... I'm too emotional about stuff today ....

    Lose the plot and have a good cry ..... it will do no-one any harm and might do you the world of good .... that's my philosophy for today ... swap you my baggy eyes in the morning?

    Thinking of you and sending you a hug,

    Karen, x
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    #3 Grannie G, Mar 18, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2007
    Dear Mark,

    I`m so sorry your mother isn`t there for you. There is obviously an enormous gaping hole, where she should be


    `Like everyone else has there mum with them on a day like today and my mum is away in a home at the age of 52. `
    But everyone else doesn`t have their mum with them on a day like today. I`m sorry Mark, but it`s true.

    I have a friend, with children aged 12 and 8, who lost his wife 4 years ago, to a brain tumour.
    I have worked with children who have lost their parents at very young ages.
    How many on TP are without their mums today.

    I know you can`t appreciate the pain of others just now, you don`t know them, their lives don`t affect you. All you can see is your dear mum in a home, suffering from a devastating illness, while you are all alone and want her back.

    Please try to calm yourself. It`s nothing to do with being a bloke. It`s to help yourself through this ordeal and hopefully to be able to get through it.

    I don`t want this to sound like emotional blackmail, but how would your mum feel if she could see you in such a state.

    Sit yourself down, fix your eyes on an object, and count as you breathe. Steady your breathing, and concentrate on your breathing. Count as you breathe. Try to think only of your breathing. Try to get to 500. Try to make yourself still inside.

    Try Mark. Take care. With love
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Mar 18, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2007
    Yes it must be because your depress your feeling like that, as long as you recognise that your be fine and who can blame ya . I know I would be feeling the same as you if it happen to my mother at the age of 52 not far of from my age 48 , gosh so young , go with the flow and cry better out then in and sharing it with us all is good , helps to more forward , well that’s how I perceive it , but that’s only me who not living in your shoes .

    Smile as those tears drop ,because your mother may be lost in to the land of dementia , but has given you lovely happy memories together when younger , that what I would say to my son who is 27 to think like if it happen to me remember how I was was how are love can never die , all I know it seem that your mother would be proud of you for caring loving her so much to feel what your feeling for her .
     
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Sylvia, I don't disagree with what you say - but I have to say generally I can't subscribe to the 'there is always someone worse off than you' philosophy (which I know may help some people here from time to time ... not saying it's wrong just isn't always the right thing)

    Mother's Day has always been a painful day for me personally ... and this year is impacting me harder than ever ..... I have my own unique reasons to be angry ... to be sad ..... sure, I've got friends I know will be finding it harder than me - and others who are still able to 'celebrate' and good luck to them ....

    I don't think comparisons always help .... in fact, if I feel, as Mark has done today, that if I say I've been hit by a bus, the last thing I need is knowing someone got hit by an express coach ... it denies my permission to experience my own personal pain .....

    Mark, I know you miss your mum - but you are NOT alone,

    Love, Karen, x
     
  6. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Hi Mark

    It's so very sad that you and your Mum are going through this when your mum is so young.

    My Mum is 76 and in a home, and I know how difficult I have found it - I can't bear to think about how things would have been if this had all happened over 20 years ago, before my kids were even born.

    There's absolutley nothing wrong in feeling that you need to cry. I was feeling really down a couple of weeks ago (anniversary of Dad dying)- felt that I wasn't up to going in to work, then cried all morning. I can't say I felt totally better afterwards, but it did help a little.

    Male - female - we all need to cry sometimes.

    Take care

    Libs
     
  7. Its the feeling of being alone

    I do try my hardest to cope i think one minute Mark you're ok and the next minute i feek really withdrawn and alone. I know people say time heals but it just dont seem to be working for me, i did see the post about Mothers day but i cant add anything to it, Im just really really down today. I have a busy week this week with my band and stuff and im totally just not up to it. And being self employed i cant have time off, Ive been feeling latley like getting a caravan in the middle of nowere and just having a soul searching time as i feel that messed up nothing seems to help ive been to see my Gp several times and she said she could get me some help and ive heard nothing i know i need help with my feelings. But you get in that zone were you think well ive been depressed since i was 15 and now mum is this way. Whats the point i know i shouldnt because i have a family and it makes me feel selfish. But i really feel im loosing the battle to cope.

    One again thanks for you're support

    Mark
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Mark, I'm so sorry for you. You sound so desperate. Have you been to see your doctor? We're always here for you to talk to, but I think you need more support than we are able to provide.

    Don't worry about 'being a man'. Men are allowed to suffer as well as women, and no-one thinks any the less of you.

    Today will soon be over. These special days are so difficult for all of us.

    Love,
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Karen,

    Perhaps you don`t find it helpful to subscribe to `there`s always someone worse off policy`, but I do and was just trying to offer a more positive approach to Mark.

    My mantra has always been `I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet`, and it works for me.

    I don`t expect anyone else to adopt this way of thinking if they don`t like it, I just express an opinion like everyone else, and share my experience.

    I`m sorry Mother`s day is painful for you. It has always been meaningless to me.

    With love
     
  10. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Mark, maybe the first thing we all need to do is define 'coping' .....

    If that means having a good sob every now and again ... if that means we don't sometimes feel selfish and want to run away from every reponsibility ..... the fact is you're NOT doing (running away) ..... and the fact is sometimes we HAVE to be selfish - if we don't take care of ourselves - how on earth can we be expected to care for others?

    So the prospect of a busy week is not good? Is that putting you under more pressure? Sometimes to me, a 'busy week' ahead means 'losing myself in all the practical' - of earning a living, doing the 'errands' ..... HAVING to switch off emotionally to function in the non-dementia world ... can you see it like that, at all?

    Alternatively, if you feel there is too much to be done, can you break it all down, day by day, and then cross off that list anything which doesn't HAVE to be done? Find yourself that space you crave even if it's only half an hour on Tuesday afternoon, say? But just for that half an hour, know you've planned that in for yourself .....???

    Just ideas, you know I will help however I can ....

    Love, Karen, x
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    On that score, you have no right to be posting on TP today of all days and pontificating about how any of us may feel about the day, nor less 'cope' with it,

    Goodbye, TP

    :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
     
  12. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    I'm quite surprised that you can make such a thoughtless remark today when so many of us are finding it an extremely difficult day.

    It may be meaningless to you - but to a lot of us - it means a great deal.

    Libs
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    My apologies to all I`ve hurt.

    This was not a callous statement.

    I would have loved to have had a mother who gave Mother`s Day the special feeling you all seem to have. By saying Mother`s day is meaningless to me, doesn`t mean I think it is meaningless.

    That is the reason I chose the mantra I try to live by.
     
  14. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    What is the saying, fools walk in where angels fear to tread.?
    Well here is one fool.

    Like so many others on here - sons, daughters, mothers whose children have died - today has been a very difficult day for me - (and I will post elsewhere how I feel it has worked out). We are all hurting - pain is pain and should not be compared.

    I think Grannie G tried to share a way that she has learnt to deal with her own pain - and I think not feeling that Mothers Day was significant for her, reveals a pain that we do not know about. And I think she probably now regrets the way she worded it.

    Karen love, I know that you are hurting - I know what it is to express hurt by getting angry. We are all raw today. One person's comments have hurt you - don't be angry with all of us. You know how much you are valued here - even when you are angry.

    Mark - real blokes cry too. Get yourself back to your GP and tell her you haven't heard anything - you need help now.
    Much love to you all,
    Helen
     
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    OK, I'm another fool!

    Helen's right, today has been so hard for so many of us.

    Birthdays and anniversaries are hard, but we all suffer them on different days, so there are always others to be supportive.

    Christmas and Mothering Sunday are different, because we are all suffering at the same time. I'm sure many of you remember the disagreements we had at Christmas.

    The stress is intolerable, so what do we do? Should TP close down for Christmas and Mothering Sunday, just the time we most need support? I don't think any of us would want that.

    The only alternative, as I see it, is for us all to accept that we are all suffering, make allowances, and come back tomorrow when things are back to normal.

    Please?

    Love to all,
     
  16. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Mark, Libby. Karen

    I hope your not too upset by the comments today, Mothers Day is very special to a lot of people, its a day when you feel a need to express your love and its difficult when circumstances or illness prevent that.

    I hope the hurt caused lessens with time.

    Love Alex x
     
  17. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
     
  18. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    love.... hugs... and lots of support.
    to MARK,KAREN,and all of you that found mothers day so painfull
    it is a day that means a lot to me as a mother ,that my children found the time ,in their very busy lives ,to spend time with me and show their love , as they do through the year,but i would have found sunday a very lonely day without the special attention lavished on me .as i did for my own mum , when she was alive.Hope today is a better day for you all .
     
  19. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Mark Karen and Libby

    Your pain I hope has eased somewhat by today, Mother’s Day, another one of those awful days to simply get through the best we can, in whatever way we can endure it.

    Feeling angry, feeling sad, maybe looking back with fondness to those Mother’s Day we have enjoyed with love, and maybe just succumbing to a good sob. It’s all part of the grieving process for what we had, and what we have been cheated out of by this dreadful disease.

    Be assured, my hands of support and sympathy are reaching out to you, giving you a massive hug, and sincerely hoping that today is a bit more bearable for you all.

    Love

    Cate
     
  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I shall let you all in to a secret, my mother was never in to Mother Day , so to me also I could never get the point of mother day , when my daughters wanted to make a fuss of me for just one day , then leave me to it for the rest of the year. Then I find out its all a religious thing anyway, just like Christmas, that I also join in , oh and birthdays that’s another thing my mother was never in to , I never got a card from her over the age of 10 , I had to remind her so yes I also feel its meaningless and I admire the courage of Grannie G to say to say so , as mush as I admire the courage of tender face to openly disagree with it .

    I only really join into mother day , because my daughter son use to like doing it for me when younger , now not all of my children where into it also , my son had argument with my daughter I took my daughter side , and then he found out that I pay for something for her room and the man he got and he pay to lay the flooring lay her flooring in her room he got the hump , so my son not got me anything for mother day dose that mean he love me less , oh no his also always forget my birthday also lol the way I brought him up the way my mother brought me up . I know he love me and that’s all I care .

    so my legacy to my children to be emotional strong , cry if you want to , but they is always someone worse of then you . Oh how they hate me saying that to them ,:eek: :rolleyes: :) will I would rather them thinking like that , then having so much anger and pain in the future , then them getting so down that suicide inter they mind , that they do not know how to mange they emotion in a balance way just because I kick the bucket , but then I to can get un balance with my emotion when I am under a lot of stress copying with family and life my own emotion is bam hard to control , I just hope my children understand that its all part of being a human to feel sad now and then , but get up get on with it ;)

    I also respect other people in how they express they pain and I love to read that someone else feels like I do ( meaningless mother day and about always someone worse of ) what help me may not help another. I could go on all day about this, thank god today is another day from yesterday and its all in the past. But I thought I would add my view like every one alse does . :)

    I was luck I enjoyed yesterday my daughter took me for a meal to a restaurant that the atmosphere , was like I was right back in Gibraltar ,I thought what a lovely memories for her in the future , how I must do this more often with my children not just on mother day , how I wish my mother could of done that for me , but then she was from another hard working generation that had no time for children , but I new she love me and that’s all that really matter at the end of the day .
     

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