Feel like I'm on a rollercoaster

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by JanB17, Jun 22, 2015.

  1. JanB17

    JanB17 Registered User

    Jun 22, 2015
    1
    Sale, Cheshire
    Hi,

    My Mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimers for just over 6 years. Until march she was in residential care & was on a very even keel with no major changes in her condition. At the end of March she became ill with a UTI & ended up in hospital for 8 weeks. Her condition deteriorated rapidly to the extent that she wasn't eating, is now doubly incontinent and unable to walk (she could walk with assistance before the UTI) She now hasn't eaten properly for the last 3 months & is getting buy on Complan and tiny amounts of food.

    Mum has now been discharged to a nursing home where she has been for the last 4 weeks. Last week I had a call from the home to say she was being admitted to hospital as she had become dehydrated. The hospital couldn't get a needle in to administer fluids as her veins were collapsing. My sister & were advised that Mum is now in the terminal stages of the disease and were asked if we wanted her to be admitted to hospital, or return to the home to receive palliative care. We don't want Mum suffering any more & don't want her to end her days in hospital.

    She is drinking small amounts of fluid & is spending more & more time asleep. My question is probably one to which there is no definitive answer- how long can she go on like this? I just feel she is slipping away more & more each day

    I'm struggling with my emotions, as much as I don't want to lose my Mum who I love dearly, I also want her to be at peace if that makes sense.

    I'm new to this forum & would welcome any help/advice from people who have been through or who are going through a similar situation with their loved one.

    Thanks for reading xx
     
  2. disi

    disi Registered User

    I can't offer any help or advice but send you a big hug and love xxx
     
  3. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    581
    Hi Janb17

    I know exactly how you feel. We went through a similar situation with my MIL. During visiting the doctor was there and advised us that she was on the last leg of her journey. Not eating, unable to swallow even thickened liquids. She lasted for 5 weeks. Sleeping mostly. We asked that she be kept pain free and comfortable, which included patches to reduce the fluid on her chest, and pain relief. There was a syringe driver available if it was needed which was authorised by the GP. We too wanted it to be over quickly, but when we realised she was comfortable, we knew she would go in her own time.

    We were both with her at the end and it was a peaceful passing.

    Express your concerns to the nursing staff, that's what they are there for.
     
  4. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Thinking of you at this difficult time Jan, hope your mum is being kept comfortable and that you are able to spend as much time with her as you need to say your goodbyes.
     
  5. tillyws

    tillyws Registered User

    Jun 23, 2015
    1
    It is a rollercoaster

    Hello,

    I know exactly how you feel, my Gran whom I adored died on Saturday just gone, I've no idea why im torturing myself by reading these forums, but I feel I may be able to offer some advice.

    Nan had a fall about four weeks ago, not to the floor more of a stumble, she's been diagnosed for about four years, but we think she's had symptoms for about 8 or 9 years. As a result of this fall, she got scared and refused to get out of bed (she was in a specialist dementia care home), she then stopped eating, she'd only eat yogurt, maybe just one a day but in the last week she refused all food, just spat it out. She was by this point about 4 1/2 stone I should think.
    We were visiting daily by this point as we could see there was no going back from this state, her speech then became very poor, it was just goobledegook, but amongst it all she told me she loved me which I shall treasure forever.

    the doctor wanted her in hospital two weeks ago as she was dehydrated, but we refused, like you,we were adamant she wasn't going to end her days in hospital. She finally slipped away Saturday morning.
    In answer to your question, no this is no answer as to when it will happen, but it does seem that four or five weeks of no food is about all the body can cope with, in my opinion, of course. I wish your mum peace.

    Tillyws

     
  6. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Tillyws just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your dear Nan. Such a comfort that among the painful memories you have the precious memory of her saying she loved you.
     

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