1. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi I'm very new to this page, I have been helping look after my mom since my dad died in 2011 and to be quite honest it isn't getting any easier or better. Mom was diagnosed a few months ago with altzimers and dementia. The doc thinks she's had it about 4 yrs. I have a two children a husband and dog! Plus two older sisters. Till recently I did most things for mom but now my eldest sister has started helping more. But why I'm feeling so sad and want to cry more often than not is the fact in the last two weeks mom has fallen three times. Each of us have took it in turns picking her up. She phoned me saterday at 9pm , she was crying on phone asking me to go round and pick her up. She's 92. She was on floor, my hubby helped her up, she was so confused and crying which she isn't usually. When we got her on her feet and helped her in the lounge she kept sayin ohohohohohohoh it went on and on. Then she stopped and wanted to know why it was happening to her. I explained about the dementia, I told her about what was happening . She said she wanted to go in a home, then said she didn't want putting away, she then started on the ohohohohohohoh again. Then wanted all the lights off . I was very upset as even though she's fallen before and we have had to clean her up from poo and weeing herself this seemed way more worse. She wouldn't have doc . And said she wanted to go to bed, then halfway to bed she wanted to know where she was going, then she wanted to check it to was off, lights off heating off. I took her in toilet, and she kept saying helpmehelpmehelpme, this went on and on, she didn't need help, she was then talking to my dad, saying why did you go, repeating that over and over. I visited her Sunday, she was so quiet, and today she was so confused about everything. It's just horrid, she keeps saying enjoy your life, you get too old too soon. I really don't think she realises what effect she's having on us . Dos anyone else know why they repeat them selves over Nd over, it's very frightening.:confused:
     
  2. Owly

    Owly Registered User

    Jun 6, 2011
    538
    hallo Princess, welcome to the forum though it's sad that you have to be here. We all understand the awful difficulties that dementia brings both to the sufferer and their family who are usually trying to juggle too many demands and priorities. The person with dementia often doesn't have any idea at all how dreadful things are for the rest of the family trying to cope with all the daily demands not to mention the sudden crises.

    I'm wondering whether your Mum is having a urine infection (UTI) as that can make them worsen suddenly and also makes them prone to additional falls. You can get a sample from her by putting an old clean bowl in the toilet, so she wees into it. Then you'll need to put the urine in a sample bottle (can buy from chemist) and get it to the doctor for testing.

    It's good that you're close enough to mum to go and help pick her up. What if she couldn't get to the phone though? Does she have a Lifeline kind of alarm that she wears all the time?
     
  3. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

    I'm sorry that the present situation with your mum has brought you here, but you are amongst people who understand and you can speak very freely about all your concerns. Perhaps we can help you consider the options going forward.

    Your mum sounds like my mother-in-law was two years ago. Falling, confused, frightened of being on her own. In fact she fell and lay on the floor overnight on one occasion, unable to call for help, and she told us afterwards she really thought that that was going to be 'it'. After that, she no longer wanted to be on her own and she moved from hospital into a care home.

    Thinking about it objectively, do you think your mum is safe to be left on her own?

    As Owly says, if she falls again, will she always be able to summon help via a pendant or a telephone?
     
  4. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Hello Princess t.

    Just want to say hello.

    Initially, the grieving process floored me. Now, I feel it in the background (behind the irritation, despair and the day to day 'normalcy' of mum's terrible disease -- not to mention some healthy humour and anger).

    I would love to cry buckets. Feel the need to but can't right now.

    I'm so sorry you are going though this too. It sounds like you are grieving. Absolutely understandable. I'm sorry.
     
  5. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi

    Mom did have a uti just before Easter and put on meds, they seemed to work. She also had a panic alarm fitted when dad died, she refused to use it or test it and demanded it was removed.
     
  6. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi

    I think you are right I feel like my lovely mom died in 2011. She hates her life as much as we do.
     
  7. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi

    Mom always says it will never happen again....yes right. She doesn't think she's bad enough for nursing home and thinks she will be in a nut house....her words.
     
  8. Otiruz

    Otiruz Registered User

    Nov 28, 2015
    255
    Kent
    Hello Princess T - be kind to yourself, your heading ' feel like crying' is entirely understandable and there will not be one person, male or female, who hasn't felt or done the very same. Whatever you decide is best for your Mom will be the absolutely best decision made in her best interests. Sometimes it helps to consider things like her vulnerability, her safety, her medication and your peace of mind. Keep posting - it really does help.
     
  9. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    If you read around the other threads, you'll see this is a very common issue. A person with dementia is rarely going to realise that the time has come when they need 24/7 supervision which the family is not in a position to provide.

    That's when someone has to step in to decide what is in their best interests. Consider their 'needs' rather than their 'wants'.

    However more often than not, it takes a crisis situation to occur before such plans are put in place. My advice would be to start looking around at care homes and have a Plan B ready in case the current situation becomes untenable.
     
  10. softcentre22

    softcentre22 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2015
    7
    Blackburn, Lancashire.
    I can relate to the repitition bit as my dad has severe dementia and he keeps repeating thing things like where am I? Please help me go home. This has been going on for about a year. Within 30 seconds he ask the same question agian and again. This is because he can't remember asking before. With sisease affectin the brain it becomes like a broken gramophone broken needle that keeps playing the same track over and over again.The other thing he keeps saying my brain has gone. His personality has changed completely he is aggressive abusive. Your mum can not possibly realise the effect on you because her perception has been affected. I my self am struggling but I pray you get strength to see you through.
     
  11. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Hi Princess, Welcome to TP. I have gone through much the same with Mum she is 86. Usually when she is bad like that it is a UTI which she seems to get regular, once on antibiotics she will book up for a while. I would get Mum checked out with GP it maybe her blood pressure or another infection. Always people on here that as usually gone through the same if you need advise. Good Luck xx
     
  12. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Thankyou

    Thankyou for replying. I must admit I feel much better talking on here. I'm off to do her housework in a bit, it's just not knowing what you are going to find when you walk in her house, sometimes still asleep, some times on floor, sometimes in bathroom talking to herself in a very strange voice repeating every word over and over.
     
  13. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi

    I'm seeing doc on Tuesday, going to tell her about the falls and memory loss. My eldest sister has started taking over the medical side with mom but mostly with social services. She doesn't always tell me what she's done, but foes tell my other sister, this can be annoying as I see mom the most.
     
  14. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Hi

    Mom is a very private person, hates all the carers and docs going to her house, she keeps saying , when are things getting back to normal? . To be honest I don't know what is normal nowadays. Being able to go on the site is really helping, I feel much better . Thanx x
     
  15. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Thankyou so much for replying. Today she was saying ohohohohohohoh it just went on and on. She also is now saying her brain has gone and can she have a new one? My mom isn't aggressive thank god but she has taken a great dislike to my elder sister, mom told her that if she smelt or need to change her clothes then could she tell her.....so my sister did....wrong move!!!
     
  16. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,732
    We had to ask our doctor for a low dose of daily antibiotics and these solved the problem of looking for or worrying about UTIs. Poor mum, I think people of her generation still remember the stories of the workhouses and the asylums and they are very clear in their heads - it worries them sick even when they do have memory loss. Poor you, it is really hard when someone you love is suffering like this, thinking of you x
     
  17. Princess t

    Princess t Registered User

    Mar 15, 2016
    184
    Is it so wrong?

    I just want a day when I don't have to go visit mom..she's had someone there on and off all week, me three days, i work part time so today is the only day free of work.I will be there all day tomorrow, I just want a day for me. The carer will be there tea time, then I'm on call all night as sister away. Just feel guilty not phoning her or visiting. Hate phoning as she hangs up on me! :( feel very selfish..
     

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