My 93 year old Mother was admitted to a residential home 18 months ago with multi infarct dementia- they have beds for people with dementia.We have requested psychiatric assessment but have had 4 visits from a nurse but no consultant.My mothers behaviour with time has become more challenging but everything dealt with via nurse from a distance.Gp zero help.2 days ago I get an email giving us 28 days notice as they feel they can no longer cope with her.We have power of attorney for finance but not health.Psychiatric nurse says We must choose and move her - no help.We have asked now 4 times for a full assessment of her needs as she has a DOLs in place and obviously needs full time care - nobody's interested and she's self funding.So now trying to find a suitable dementia nursing home at short notice and feel totally abandoned -I foolishly thought the hardest thing was putting her in a home - no it's knowing we've got to do it all again to a frail vulnerable elderly blind mother with no help
Feel completely abandoned
- Thread starter Marymars
- Start date
I am so sorry. It might be worth considering employing an independent social worker for a couple of hours. Google them in your area. They are not all that expensive and I have heard quite good things. They would help and support you. warmest, Kindred.
Hello @Marymars
I hope we haven`t got to the state where your mother can be thrown out on the streets, self funding or not. It is shameful for you to be put in this state of anxiety.
Please ask for her to be assessed by a Mental Health Team
If the home is registered for dementia care they should be able to contact the Mental Health team for you.
I hope we haven`t got to the state where your mother can be thrown out on the streets, self funding or not. It is shameful for you to be put in this state of anxiety.
Please ask for her to be assessed by a Mental Health Team
If the home is registered for dementia care they should be able to contact the Mental Health team for you.
Sadly we've asked both informally and formally in a letter and they're too busy.My thoughts if we can't find a suitable place is to get my Mother a Solicitor and get her protected by them - sounds extreme but I'm a retired GP and know the system and even then we get no help
This sort of scenario actually comes up quite often on here and sadly, if you are self-funding you are often left to your own devices. There is no point in trying to get the home to keep your mum. They cant meet her needs and it will be far better to find somewhere else.
Not all care homes are the same - some only want people with the easy, early stages of dementia and some are willing to take very challenging behaviour. Look for homes that will accept challenging behaviour - probably an EMI or dedicated dementia unit. Ask her present home what her behaviour is like and what the issues are, then when you look at the care homes you can be up front and candid about the problems and ask the manager how they would deal with it - woolly answers will probably mean that they dont have much experience. Also ask them what behaviour they would not accept as this will give you an idea of whether she might be given notice again.
The care home will assess her themselves before accepting her, so she doesnt actually need an assessment by Social Services.
Not all care homes are the same - some only want people with the easy, early stages of dementia and some are willing to take very challenging behaviour. Look for homes that will accept challenging behaviour - probably an EMI or dedicated dementia unit. Ask her present home what her behaviour is like and what the issues are, then when you look at the care homes you can be up front and candid about the problems and ask the manager how they would deal with it - woolly answers will probably mean that they dont have much experience. Also ask them what behaviour they would not accept as this will give you an idea of whether she might be given notice again.
The care home will assess her themselves before accepting her, so she doesnt actually need an assessment by Social Services.
As Canary says each care home will have have their own limit on what they will accept, and clearly this CH is not right for your mother, but you should be able to find one which can meet her needs. I had no help finding my mother's CH, I found it by reading the reviews on carehome.co.uk and then phoning and visiting. My mother had not seen the psychiatric consultant for over two years by the time she went into a care home, she just had visits from the CPN. The manager of the next care home will assess your mother to check they can meet her needs, but for more help I agree with the suggestion of contacting an independent social worker.
My mother-in-law was self funding and we had no help in finding a care home for her. In fact, she never had any input from social services, so my husband and I did our own research with the CQC website and visited several homes . My mother-in-law was in hospital at the time and the home came out to assess her. Some forum members have used an independent social worker to assist with assessments .
hi @Marymars
I'm really not sure what a solicitor would be able to achieve … if the home cannot provide the level of care your mum now needs, they are duty bound to let you know
Admiral Nurses may well be able to offer some help, if there isn't one locally, they have a helpline
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
when it was mooted that my dad needed nursing care, so a move, informally chatting with the staff gave me some ideas of which nursing homes to approach, as staff often are aware of the specialisms of other homes
I'm really not sure what a solicitor would be able to achieve … if the home cannot provide the level of care your mum now needs, they are duty bound to let you know
Admiral Nurses may well be able to offer some help, if there isn't one locally, they have a helpline
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
when it was mooted that my dad needed nursing care, so a move, informally chatting with the staff gave me some ideas of which nursing homes to approach, as staff often are aware of the specialisms of other homes
