Feel alone today

[elwoodlpool]

Well my Mum has been taken into Mosley Hill Hospital in Liverpool. She had a few nurses out last week to see her and turned violent. Which is not like Mum at all i got in last night from work and as its my Birthday i felt really emotional. i keep finding myself looking at pictures at my mum and getting really upset. When does this pain go away ????. I suffer really bad with depression but im sure i dont get down about my mum because of that. Im 28 today and its pathetic, I put a picture of a Birthday cake she made me a few years ago next to a picture of her i keep by my bed. So when i woke up i would see it am i going mad ?????????




Elwood

 

[Lynne]

Hi Mark

I've just back-tracked over your previous postings to get more of an idea of your family situation, and I certainly don't think you're going mad!
I think pretty well all of us feel knocked off-balance with being presented with this awful disease, and the pain of knowing that there is no cure, just medications which will (we hope) slow down the effects of it. Whether we live with the 'patient', or we live at a distance and someone else does the immediate 'caring', we feel we should be able to do something more about it. It's natural, because we love them. You've probably seen references here to "the guilt monster" who haunts us, however well Mum (or whoever) is cared for. You always feel you could or should be able to make it better, however illogical that feeling is.

We all react differently to the stress. Some operate the stiff-upper-lip mode, some are in denial that anything's wrong, some cope brilliantly all the time (except when they nip out to the garage, shut the door & have a good howl). The rest of us get things right some of the time, mess up at other times, and generally feel pretty miserable a lot of the time. If you have a pre-disposition to depression (as I have, & probably several other contributors here) having Alzheimer's in the family isn't going to improve it for you. If one was not clinically depressed before this situation arose, now is probably the time when you would be likely to start learning how it feels! This is something you can get control of, by going to your doctor & explaining the situation and how it is affecting you, and asking for help with it. It's related to the situation with your Mum, but it's your medical problem and you have to deal with it if you hope to be able to play a part in your Mum's care, whether that's to be at home or in a Nursing Home of some sort.

Relative to the Birthday thing, family occasions are painful. Soon it will be Christmas, which is my personal idea of hell anyway. Everything's supposed to be so perfect and full of goodwill etc., and it NEVER measures up to the ideal, even if there is no complication of illness to contend with. Anniversaries, holidays - we have to get used to the idea that they may never be the same again, and try to support other family members who will be feeling the same.

I'm sorry Mark, this is really tough on you, and on your step-Dad & sister. If you are only 28, I would guess that your Mum is quite young (i.e. under 65) to be suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

Best wishes, keep posting if it helps to get some of the distress out.

 

[elwoodlpool]

Thank you

Thanks Lynn for the kind support it is a horrible disease and its i think one of them things you think will never happen to you. But if fact i can happen to anyone.
You know its amazing last night i played with my band in a theatre in front of 600 people and on stage im a different person. But when we had a break and i was sat alone in my dressing room all the memories of my mum came flooding back all the happy times and after that it was like someone had dropped me from a plane as reality came back. And yes my mum is 55 im gonna call the hospital today to see how she is. Once again thank you im glad i found this web site its been a great help.


Mark

 

[Skye]

Hi Mark

Sorry you're feeling so low. As Lynne says, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas are the worst times. It's my birthday on Monday, and the family are coming this evening to take me out to dinner. I really don't want to go. This is the first year my husband John hasn't been able to buy me a present or card (with assistance), and he feels as badly as I do about it. Like you, Lynne, I'm dreading Christmas.

Mark, it's Ok to feel down, in fact it's normal for us, but if you are suffering from clinical depression, you really need to see your GP. You owe it to yourself as well as your mum.

Take care, and keep posting.

Hazel

 

[BeckyJan]

I hope you are feeling a little better now and that your Mum is doing ok in hospital. You are in Derbyshire too so I have some affinity with you - our daughter is almost 28 and I hope she would be as caring as you in the same circumstances. (Her Dad has Alzheimers and she is ok but just coming out of a denial stage).

I am glad you find some relief whilst playing in your band in front of an audience - make the most of those moments.

Happy Birthday - try to enjoy and remember that your own family need you - I would want our daughter to give their own families priority whatever happens to us.

If you are truly depressed then you should see a GP - last year I was offered 1. hypnotherapy, 2. pills and 3. suggestion of joining a relaxation/meditation class. I did not do any but sometimes wish I had or could.

Take care and best wishes Beckyjan

 

[Whiskas]

Hi Mark
Sorry you are feeling so down. I know exactly how you are feeling as I've been battling with depression for about 4 1/2 years. It was caused by lots of things but Mum and Dad coming to live with me 5 1/2 years ago (both turned out to have dementia, though Dad died last year) was the last straw. My GP has been brilliant, very supportive. He sent me for counsellling and again she was brilliant it was the best thing I could have done. To off load everything to some one who isn't going to be upset or hurt by what you say as family and friends might be is a great relief and it is one of the reasons that I'm still here battling. Plus the supprt from my local AS branch has made the difference too.
You have to think of yourself as if you get too ill you wont be able to help your Mum or play in your band!
Take care of yourself
Whiskas