Dear Cliff,
I'm very sorry Dee's situation is such that you have to think about whether to let her have a feeding tube.
I must stress that I do not know what the official rules are or were, I can only tell you what the situation was in our case with my aunt (in Wales).
She had a massive brain haemorrhage after several more minor strokes and subsequent VD, was paralysed down the right side of her body, doubly incontinent and incapable of speech or swallowing. She was in hospital for four months before she died. She had a naso-gastric tube inserted after it was agreed that a normal drip was insufficient. When it became clear, after a real rollercoaster of emotions, that she would not die immediately after the haemorrhage but would require long-term feeding, the decision was put to my uncle and cousin whether or not to fit her with a PEG. They decided yes, give it a go.
Cliff, again, I do not know what the official or legal situation is, but I do know consent was asked of my uncle as next of kin before any kind of procedure was carried out.
Can I also say that while the PEG did not really improve her quality of life (i.e. she never recovered from the brain damage) and she died about 7 weeks after it had been fitted, the procedure itself was without complications and the feeding also did not cause her any complications. She did not die because of having a PEG fitted. But she didn't regain quality of life either. It simply meant she did not die sooner from the condition she had
Such a hard decision, it broke my uncle's heart...
In my grandparents' cases (also in Wales), our consent was also asked as next of kin when they deteriorated significantly. The issue was not only food and drink, there were other medical problems as well which caused a sudden deterioration, and we did the same as Hazel has done for John and her mother...we declined any kind of artificial feeding, just opted for pain relief and making them comfortable in their final days. And we didn't have grandad moved to hospital either. He stayed in his nursing home, tenderly looked after by wonderful staff and those of us who managed to be there.
Thinking of you Cliff, and of Dee too.
Tina x