1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Hi so sorry for this but I am so fedup we never go out and if I don't get out this house I will go mad ,all Peter want to do is sit a round I have done everything I can to get him out but he don't want to know it's doing my head in right now I hate the children they don't help ,he won't stay with anyone so I can go out ,I am sorry but I am sick of being nice all the time when all I want to do is shout at him ,he won't get dressed i think I am going mad .sorry for the rant but I have to tell someone who understands what it's like x Christmas xxx
     
  2. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    1,071
    Moved to Leicester
    is he totally resistant to befriender or a sitter, someone who can pretend to be your friend to start with and, once he's used to them, who can offer to stay while you 'pop to the shops' or something? What happens if you're ill or have to go into hospital? I'm sorry I don't know your circumstances so apologise if you've tried everything, being incarcerated has to be the hardest thing, you have my heartfelt sympathy.

    Hugs
     
  3. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Hi Christmas, what I am going to say isn't going to help, OH is older than me and has parkinson's which is slowly going to dementia. Yes I know what it is like not to go out. I am able to nip to the shops, (at the momnet) but frightened he falls or has another heart attack. I have to be careful also to be back when I say...eg going out for couple of hours be bacK 11.30. I have times down to fine art.
     
  4. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    I have try that and he just goes mad when I say I am going it just not going to work it's just good I can write on here will try again with him x
     
  5. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    #5 Pickles53, Jul 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2015
    Your OH doesn't realise this but if you end up with carer's breakdown because of this dreadful stress things will be much worse for him too.

    Is it time to ask for him to go into respite care for a couple of weeks? You could always blame it on the doctor who says he/you need a complete rest.

    He may well be angry, but I personally don't believe that just because a person has dementia they have to have their own way all the time. If he goes into respite you will know that he is safe and the professionals will be used to difficult behaviour.
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    I put OH into respite, making it my fault ( well, I did have Carers breakdown) and the gp had said I needed complete break.
    That way he could blame me and gp but it was going to go ahead.
    That was a year ago, he's now in care home full time, barely able to walk or talk, way past my capabilities of caring for him.
     
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,028
    Yorkshire
    Christmas please do think on what Pickles53 and Spamar have said - you will be no good to man nor beast if you break down and you sound close to it - for both your sakes get some help; at this point your needs override your husband's refusals - at the very least go to your own GP and offload exactly how things are and how you feel so s/he can support YOU
     
  8. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Thank you all for your help I am going to the doctors next week I will have a word with him ,I know I need to do something I feel so down, but I feel awful that I feel like this when it not his fault bless him I just need some space from him for 1 day would be nice x
     
  9. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    182
    BRIDGEND
    Dad

    Sorry but you Children if gown up .( NEED) TO STAND UP AND BE COUNTED AT THIS TIME .NEED TO TELL THEM TO PULL THERE WIGTH HAS WELL. SORRY YOU WILL NEED THE TIME FOR YOU SELF . JUST TO HAVE A BIT OF LIFE
     

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