My Mum has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and my Dad is her carer. My brothers and I do what we can to help, but we all have children and jobs and, in my case, live a 2 hour round-trip away.
My Dad had a dreadful day with my Mum today. He started before 9am clearing up as she has become doubly incontinent again. Whilst he was talking on the 'phone to the nurse to get some advice, Mum went ballistic and screamed at him for telling people her business and ended up punching him and screaming.
To make a bad day worse, Dad started to experience chest pains and had to be rushed into hospital by ambulance. After an ECG he was told his heart is fine (he suffers from angina) but that his pains were as a result of a hiatus hernia that had been made worse by bending and stretching to clean up, scrubbing floors and changing bed-clothes and also by stress (not surprisingly). My brother is staying with him tonight, but we are becoming increasingly worried that Dad's health is being adversely effected by looking after Mum.
What to do? Maybe some respite care in the short-term might give him a break, but it won't help in the longer term. Maybe we have to accept that he just can't cope any more? Mum has told him that she would rather live in a home than with him (this was after telling him she wanted to see him in his coffin). It is so awful to see one parent so very changed and the other run ragged trying to look after her. The nurse is coming out to see them on Friday, so I shall make sure I am there to try to express my concerns. All the focus has been on making life tolerable for Mum, but Dad's needs seem to be pushed into the background, particularly by the mental health professionals. I am beginning to worry about his physical and mental health and feel so guilty for not doing more to help them both.
Sorry for the long rant - just needed to get it out!
Sue
My Dad had a dreadful day with my Mum today. He started before 9am clearing up as she has become doubly incontinent again. Whilst he was talking on the 'phone to the nurse to get some advice, Mum went ballistic and screamed at him for telling people her business and ended up punching him and screaming.
To make a bad day worse, Dad started to experience chest pains and had to be rushed into hospital by ambulance. After an ECG he was told his heart is fine (he suffers from angina) but that his pains were as a result of a hiatus hernia that had been made worse by bending and stretching to clean up, scrubbing floors and changing bed-clothes and also by stress (not surprisingly). My brother is staying with him tonight, but we are becoming increasingly worried that Dad's health is being adversely effected by looking after Mum.
What to do? Maybe some respite care in the short-term might give him a break, but it won't help in the longer term. Maybe we have to accept that he just can't cope any more? Mum has told him that she would rather live in a home than with him (this was after telling him she wanted to see him in his coffin). It is so awful to see one parent so very changed and the other run ragged trying to look after her. The nurse is coming out to see them on Friday, so I shall make sure I am there to try to express my concerns. All the focus has been on making life tolerable for Mum, but Dad's needs seem to be pushed into the background, particularly by the mental health professionals. I am beginning to worry about his physical and mental health and feel so guilty for not doing more to help them both.
Sorry for the long rant - just needed to get it out!
Sue