my mother in law (in her late 80's) has recently been diagnosed. My father in law died recently and she immediately asked us to move in with her. As my husband is her only living offspring we felt that it was the only thing to do and we had discussed this eventuality. As she has always been difficult we knew we were in for a rough ride! We were totally unprepared for what followed. At first we put it down to the shock of bereavement and made allowances. We both work full time, (my husband is also a shift worker) but he was on sick leave for a month which was just as well as it meant he could be with her during the difficult days following dads death. Dad was a wonderful man and they had been together for almost 70 years, the last 30, day & night with only a couple of short hospital stays to keep them apart. Mum had his constant attention and for a quiet life put up with a lot from her. After he died she tried to control us in every aspect of life. She wanted instant obedience and was rude & aggressive if we did not comply. She followed us about, wanted our attention at all times to the extent we did not even watch TV for a month. She did not want us to bring anything of our own into the house and made comments about using anything of hers. We tried to buy provisions and she was annoyed that they took up her fridge and cupboard space, then made comments about the amount of sugar, butter, tea etc we had used, we bought our own and she was offended if we used ours and not hers. She wanted to sell the house and move into a smaller property and asked my husband to bring in the estate agents. When he had done so she said she did not want to move. She accused us of all sorts and eventually decided that we needed to be in our own home. When she accused my husband of 'using her money' to pay for our things I put my foot down. I told her that she had made the decision and that we would be going home in two days time. I still do not know if that is what she wanted or if it was a threat to try and make us toe her line. After we moved out we were bombarded with telephone calls starting just after 6.30am, she expects us to be here to anser her calls and seems unable to comprehend that we are both working. She is still accusing us and others of stealing and 'taking without her permission'. She gives things to people and then accuses them of stealing, anything she can't find she thinks someone has stolen it. My husband takes most of the verbal abuse but my daughter she hates with a passion and has accused her of all sorts. She is now frightened to visit for fear of further accusations. She has accused most of the neighbours of misdeeds from stealing her water, to pumping water from their garden to hers, killing her plants, putting their rubbish in her bin etc. She hears noises in the night, goes to bed at 4.30pm and just told us that she has terrible dreams every night. When she has had an 'episode' of accusations and verbal abuse, she tells us she wants to go to live with the other family members. They have told her she can. This always unsettles her and then we are constantly asked when they are coming to visit and told that they will look after her. This is very upsetting for my husband who feels completely rejected by his own mother. Having read the threads I have found her behaviour repeated time and again. My problem is accepting her illness when she can be perfectly normal, her house is spotless and her personal hygiene sencond to none. Other family members live some hours away and apart from a couple of visits in the last few months only speak to her briefly on the phone. They seem to think it is all down to the shock of dads death. We are doing the very best we can for her, spending most of our spare time with her, arranging carers, taking her shopping, and everything else that she is unable to do. She complains at times that she is lonely, she sees people most days, her gardener, a friend, her carers and my husband and myself. She tells people at other times that she likes to be on her own as she can run her house as she wants. Although the doctor has confirmed she is suffering with dementia, we feel family members may be judging the situation from the phone calls. They have not seen the other side of her and are not going through the nightmare that we are going through. We find ourselves questiong the diagnosis and our own eyes and ears. TP has really helped as some of the threads could have been written by us. Even so there are times when we still doubt ourselves. I could go on and on but think I had better stop!