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Fathers story

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
my father has been diagnosed with dementia ( no specifics ) along with MND and suffered with pneumonia . He was recently recieving palliative care and all of a sudden he stabilised and now things have changed to longer term care either at home or awaiting funding for a care home . Long story short is everything happened over weeks . Very fast decline . We were about to finalise an LPA before he was rushed to hospital . It never got done and since being in hospital his mental state rapidly declined . Our doctor surgery refused to certificate for him and ended up getting a neighbour to vouch for him . It’s still not complete and now he is either home or at a care home it’s unlikely we will get LPA now. I’m actually not concerned too much as we aren’t looking to sell the house as mum is fine and will continue to live there but we want to get rid of his car. Even for pittance . Just get rid . How can we do that without LPA ? Thanks all
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,434
N Ireland
Hello @Rich82 and welcome to the forum

That's a very technical question in view of the lacK of LPA but the membership have great collective expertise and experience so you may get advice tomorrow.

If you don't get a reply and want to talk it through with anyone the experts on the help line can be good, details as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday
9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm


Live on-line advice is also available in the UK and you can see the details of that if you follow this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline/live-online-advice
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
Hello @Rich82 and welcome to the forum

That's a very technical question in view of the lacK of LPA but the membership have great collective expertise and experience so you may get advice tomorrow.

If you don't get a reply and want to talk it through with anyone the experts on the help line can be good, details as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday
9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm


Live on-line advice is also available in the UK and you can see the details of that if you follow this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline/live-online-advice
Thankyou . I have sooo many questions and concerns I really do . :/
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,008
Our doctor surgery refused to certificate for him and ended up getting a neighbour to vouch for him . It’s still not complete and now he is either home or at a care home it’s unlikely we will get LPA now.
GP's seem reluctant to get involved with capacity assessments and LPA's. Mental capacity can fluctuate, and whether someone is living at home or in a care home is not relevant to the LPA process. If the neighbour has signed the form to vouch that they were satisfied that your father understood the LPA and what he was signing - at that time - then that will be sufficient.

With regards to selling the car for a pittance, I'm not sure that that would fall within the scope of the financial LPA. Different if you were using his money to buy a new car. If your Mum is fine can't she agree to the sale? The proceeds will presumably go into their joint account?
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
Oh she’d definitely agree to the sale . It’s a minimal stress issue we just want resolved that’s all and just wondered where we stood legally . Will contact dvla . He hasn’t even had his licence revoked yet officially . It’s like he is in limbo . One moment we’re told he could pass any day and now any month . Head is spinning with questions
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,008
If the DVLA hasn't made a decision yet regarding his licence maybe hold off selling the car until then? Is the issue that your father wants to drive but the family don't feel that it is safe for him to do so? If so, could you move the car elsewhere so that it doesn't act as a visible reminder, or take his keys away, or say that it has gone for repairs?
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
If the DVLA hasn't made a decision yet regarding his licence maybe hold off selling the car until then? Is the issue that your father wants to drive but the family don't feel that it is safe for him to do so? If so, could you move the car elsewhere so that it doesn't act as a visible reminder, or take his keys away, or say that it has gone for repairs?
He’s definitely not fit. He can’t even go to the toilet himself or walk the street . No way I’d let him have the car keys. I think my brother is going to take and use it in the meantime .
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
Dads had a down turn today , out of consciousness , unresponsive and started cheyyne stokes breathing . He hasn’t long at time of posting . Not sure how I’m handling it . Hence posting here . Writing it down is me coping . He’s peaceful and pain free , comfortable .
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
Just wanted to say thankyou to those that replied in this post . My father passed away this morning . He had a peaceful night sleep before waking this morning agitated and slowly falling asleep again. He had an extremely agitated day yesterday . More active than he had been for a couple days . He looked barely on the same plane of reality to us and couldn’t talk. Just constantly muttered the same word or sound constantly trying to climb out of bed . I believe he recognised me as when I put my head on his chest he patted me on the head and at one point he stared directly at me and smiled . But he wasn’t him , he seemed panicked and distressed . We tried many things to settle him which included different drugs like morphine , and muscle relaxants. What seemed to work best was a drug to reduce hallucinations. But we were assured he eventually settled into a peaceful sleep sliver night . We’d been without food for 48 hours and needed to rest at home. However sadly we received the call to come in and he was already gone. I made my mum promise to not feel guilty for leaving him. She needed sleep and food badly . We all said good bye to him around 9:30 am and made our way home . I’m sorry if my level of detail may sound distressing but I’ve read other posts and agree that this is something we should share . Everyone’s experience will differ but the important thing is he isn’t in pain any longer and getting the rest he deserves . Love my dad .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,162
South coast
Im so sorry to hear your news, please accept my condolences.

I think it is quite common for people to wait until their family has gone before they pass away. They seem to have some sort of control over their final moments. When my mum died I had stayed with her for 3 days, sleeping on the floor, but eventually I had to go and check up on OH, and she passed away with 10 mins of me leaving.
 

Rich82

New member
Feb 24, 2020
8
Thankyou all . I know we can all make our own interpretations of what things mean . Was he struggling ? Was he in pain ? Was he scared and did he know we were there ? I like to think he was aware we were there from him holding our hands and the way he smiled at me and patted me on the head . Just with his eyes rolled back in his head it’s hard to understand he was aware of anything. I’m told hearing is the last sense to fail . And of course I interpret it the best way for my mums sake. But inside , the way he was acting the night before makes me wonder if he was panicking for help. I hate I think that but I do.
Whatever he was feeling , he’s at rest now and with his family around. Just never forget to tell your family you love them incase you lose the chance . We had warning , others may not .

Thankyou to everyone here even if my input was short . It makes the difference to me to be able to write this down.