1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    So difficult today to find the right card for dad.
    Standing next to a lady who tells me she's buying two the same, 'so there's no arguments', obviously there for her two children for their dad, 'sorted she said'.
    I must have looked through most of them, why hasn't anyone come up with any one's that are not envisioning dad's with feet up watching telly or cleaning cars and gardening. But i got the best one I've seen for years for me anyway, it's a dad walking along a sunny beach holding a child's hand. and it says, Thanks for the memories. So thanks dad, Happy fathers day. x :)
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done, janjan, I think you've found the perfect card.:)

    Love,
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Jan, that's lovely.

    Can I borrow your card ? and send it with love to Lionel.
    Sure as hell his children will not even acknowledge him, yet again.

    Sorry if I sound bitter, I just cannot come to terms with their behaviour.

    I think of my dad often, and he died nearly 40 years ago.

    Hope you have a pleasant time with your dad.
     
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Janjan,
    It sounds like the perfect card for your Dad.
    Like Connie, Peter's natural children do not bother but at least his 4 step-children do.
    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  5. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Dear Janjan
    Good choice:)
    Love Barb & Ron
     
  6. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Janjan
    Your card sounds lovely. I had a similar problem finding a card for my dad. In the end I've chosen the biggest one! I have made sure that the children have got a 'grandpa' card each for him. I have also found a cute teddy wearing a tank top that says 'I love You daddy'. The problem we have is similar to Connie and Lionel's. My sisters dont bother with Dad. So I've made the decision to go'over the top' with cards and Teddies at every possible opportunity. I suppose its compensating for others and it might not be very subtle, but I'm past caring what others think.
    take care
    hendy
     
  7. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    It reminded me of an old black and white tattered old photo of me and dad on the beach walking towards the sea. Dad gave up trying to learn my bro to swim, he was frightened of the water.
    Family times of mom dad and bro as a child with no cares,its nice to remember the good times.
     
  8. Chrissyan

    Chrissyan Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    570
    N E England
    janjan that sounds the perfect card. I can see it now it now. :) We live yards away from the beach (pity about the NE weather mind!) My Dad spent a great deal of time with my son when he was little, especially on the beach. I would have definitely bought that one.

    My Dad still retains a good sense of humour so I usually go for a jokey style but didn't see anything appropriate this year. Mine is quite boring it has an artists type pic of a full pint glass next to a bottle of beer with a plate of blue cheese & half an apple. 'Wishing you an extra special day it says inside'.

    Might try & spend more time looking for a better one tomorrow as who knows if he will still be able to understand & appreciate a card this time next year.
     
  9. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Connie, you can borrow my card any time hun.
    Hendy, Sounds lovely, great way too celebrate.
    Never thought i would get to buy a card for dad this year, because he was so ill, we thought we would lose him. So i was so pleased to find it.
     
  10. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    janjan...I would probably buy that card just for the picture, it sounds so beautiful.

    Connie, I understand how you feel ...sort of..my brother chose to stay distant and this week has been tough. He looked like he was taking it ok until last night. I feel for what you feel, but pity anyone who acts that way. They will have fun living with themselves later on..



    HUGS'

    Nancy
     
  11. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    General comment. But aren't commercial cards too stereotyped? I even have problems with an anniversary card for my husband. We spend all year arguing, most of it apart in the house, we rub along okay, have got used to that, but the only card I can find tells him what a wonderful person I think he is. Well, I don't. He will do. Same with mum, they are all telling her how much she has helped me, how loving she has been, how I could always turn to her for advice. Well none of it is true. I just want one that says "Happy Mothers Day" or "Happy birthday mum".

    Manufacturers take note.

    Love to all

    Margaret
     
  12. andrear

    andrear Registered User

    Feb 13, 2008
    402
    Yorkshire
    HI Connie

    Its their loss in the end Connie. And you are a far better person than they are so don't make any appologies for sounding bitter or indeed for feeling bitter.

    Lov e Andrea
     
  13. Christinec

    Christinec Registered User

    Aug 8, 2007
    214
    So glad you found the perfect card but like Margaret W I find the card thing soul destroying. Perhaps I need to learn to bypass my sense of reality when choosing one because some of the verses certainly do not apply.

    Anyway I am pleased to know others also find this difficult - I always feel I am the only person in the shop who is struggling. Thanks to TP yet again for helping just a little.
     
  14. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    I have had to accept that Mum can no longer read (failing eyesight, still has the mental ability) so I choose cards for her based on the clarity & attractiveness of the front - usually flowers, or cats/kittens.

    Easier to buy for a lady rather than for a man though - always has been!
     

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  15. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    Hi,

    It sounds like a lovely card.

    The boys have each made one for their daddy so it saves me having to try and find the right ones. And hopefully it helps John to realise that he is still a very important part in their lives.

    Both cards are covered with kisses.

    Jackie
     
  16. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear All
    Its great when we can find cards that are approprate. Unfortunately, these times are always a sad reminder of the situaitons we find ourselves in. I get the children to draw pictures for grandpa as well. I've decided that none of the verses in any kind of card fit our situation, so what I do is simple - I ignore the messages completely! I just go for colours and designs etc The only time i didn't was when I found a card that basically said that (jokingly) doctors didn't know what they were doing, I quite liked the sarcasm factor, but of course it was lost on Dad. I find the whole business of taking in 'Get Well' cards rather sad as well - but take them in anyway!
    take care
    hendy
     
  17. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Hi everyone,
    I've found this whole Father's Day thing really hard - the first since Dad has been in his CH and been so bad. I know how people who have lost loved ones feel when these days come round - awful. I didn't know what to do - none of the cards I looked at were right - so in the end I got a blank card and wrote "To Dad, thinking of you on Father's Day" in it - which is 100% the truth really.
     
  18. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    After starting this thread, its made me realise how complex all our lives are and how we all deal differently with problems on emotions we have with loved one's with AZ.
    And has Margaret as said the manufactures have certainly missed out.
    It is nice to know we are not on our own having difficulty trying to find the right one for the occasion, but it shows how we all manage to find the right one for how we feel our loved one's can understand our feelings at that time.
     

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