I believe that my 60 year old father has significant congnitive decline. I am 29 years old and run a construction business with my mother and father. As time progresses his condition is getting worse. He becomes easily confused, loses focus of a conversation and “talks in circles.” He butchers every name for every customer. His “nicknames” also change from time to time. I have been dealing with forgetfulness / aggressive changes in thought on ideas for the business for 2 1/2 years. He has been getting progressively getting worse and making mistakes that cost thousands of dollars. An example, he ordered a customers material twice (each order cost almost $7,000.00). Last month he ordered completely wrong product for another job ($9,000 worth) I tried talking to my mother about his issues and she is in complete denial. We sub for a big box store and he gets taken advantage of with these jobs too. He buys extra material needed for jobs they short is on and doesn’t back charge for it. 100’s turn to tens of thousands of dollars over a years time. He has been in this industry over 40 years. Pride is toxic to them right now because in the past they have been very successful at the same business. However, times have changed and they aren’t adapting. He is in full control of this business and his conflictive decline is hurting our business and could potentially ruin us if it continues. This business provides not only for myself but my daughter, my sister, brother in-law, their two daughters. I am also the youngest child so i would get no respect if I tried starting this conversation with him. I just know it. I am joining this forum to hopefully get advice and create the courage to stand up and get him help before it’s too late. I am not as interested in figuring out how he got this way as I am needing solutions to get this ball rolling. He deserves the help. I don’t know where to start.
Father with declining cognitive function running our family business.
- Thread starter Tjr89
- Start date
Hello @Tjr89, welcome to TP. I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.
I’m guessing you are based in N America and things may be different there. In the UK the First Port of call is usually the GP(doctor) as a diagnosis is important. Many treatable conditions cause dementia like symptoms so it’s important to have things like blood tests to check for these before dementia is assumed.
We do have members in the USA and Canada so if you are in that area you may get replies from someone who will know your local system. In any case, I’m including a link to a Society Factsheet about diagnosis in the hope that the general information in it will be of some use to you. I’m also enclosing a link to a useful thread on communication as it may help you to talk to your father, and a link to another Factsheet that outlines MCI
You may find that your father is reluctant to talk about the issue because of his relatively young age. For what it’s worth, my wife first showed signs of dementia around the same age and after a couple of years of tests was first diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment(MCI) then a year later Dementia, all before she reached 64 so it is possible that issues can develop at a young age.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/966
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/996
I’m guessing you are based in N America and things may be different there. In the UK the First Port of call is usually the GP(doctor) as a diagnosis is important. Many treatable conditions cause dementia like symptoms so it’s important to have things like blood tests to check for these before dementia is assumed.
We do have members in the USA and Canada so if you are in that area you may get replies from someone who will know your local system. In any case, I’m including a link to a Society Factsheet about diagnosis in the hope that the general information in it will be of some use to you. I’m also enclosing a link to a useful thread on communication as it may help you to talk to your father, and a link to another Factsheet that outlines MCI
You may find that your father is reluctant to talk about the issue because of his relatively young age. For what it’s worth, my wife first showed signs of dementia around the same age and after a couple of years of tests was first diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment(MCI) then a year later Dementia, all before she reached 64 so it is possible that issues can develop at a young age.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/966
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/996
You need to get your sister on board. Your dad must be worried about these mistakes, Is there a way you can suggest introducing a new system where someone counter checks every order until you get a diagnosis and power of attorney? You might need to approach it as a business strategy and avoid the issue of dementia with him just to give you all short term stress relief?
I think diagnosis and the business are separate battles.
I agree with Norfolk Cherry about trying to get your sister on side.
The next bit depends on how the business is set up and run, and what I say will be from a uk angle as I am aware that these things are different in the us.
In the uk a business this size would be a limited co, have accountants to prepare accounts and tax returns, the accountants might be amenable to talking this through with you, but only if they understand dementia, we tend to spot clients with dementia in the phone calls due to the confusion, so when family members broach issues we will work with them where we can see it is in the best interests of the person, as we have often been involved in a family business for decades. So if you have accountants it might be worth approaching them.
It also might be possible to bring in a new ordering system which requires 2 named people to approve orders - so then someone else could check your father's orders? Again this is something your accountant might be able to advise on.
Theses suggestions might not work, but if you and your sister are working together they might as accountants are likely to have seen this happen many times before.
I agree with Norfolk Cherry about trying to get your sister on side.
The next bit depends on how the business is set up and run, and what I say will be from a uk angle as I am aware that these things are different in the us.
In the uk a business this size would be a limited co, have accountants to prepare accounts and tax returns, the accountants might be amenable to talking this through with you, but only if they understand dementia, we tend to spot clients with dementia in the phone calls due to the confusion, so when family members broach issues we will work with them where we can see it is in the best interests of the person, as we have often been involved in a family business for decades. So if you have accountants it might be worth approaching them.
It also might be possible to bring in a new ordering system which requires 2 named people to approve orders - so then someone else could check your father's orders? Again this is something your accountant might be able to advise on.
Theses suggestions might not work, but if you and your sister are working together they might as accountants are likely to have seen this happen many times before.
@Tjr89 Welcome to TP. I understand your dilemna. My powerful husband was much younger (49) when the full force of his Alzheimers prevented him from conducting good business, he was a corporate executive, and responsiblie for many employees and a huge budget of many hundread millions. Your father was a strong and successful businessman who has been making decisions his whole adult life, unchallenged, and this presents a difficult situation.
The suggestions from other TP members appear to be quite good. Setting up a system of crosschecking to prevent duplicate orders, perhaps all orders should require a double signature, informing your suppliers that invoices will not be paid without a double approval for any orders, is perhaps a good plan.
It appears to be the early stages of the disease for your father. Is there anyone your father would listen too? Perhaps he has a loving relationship with a sibling of his own, a personal man friend, or pastor, priest or doctor who might help your family.
Often the person afflicted is not aware of the changes to themselves or they are in denial regarding what is happening , to protect themselves. I found over the years the self awareness regarding the disease is further diminished.
Do you have a history of the disease in your family to which you could point out to a professional? And where is your mother in all of this? Does he listen to her?
We were financially ruined by this disease....I hope this will not happen to you and your family. If as you say you believe that your father has this disease the earlier you can get him a solid diagnosis the better.
The suggestions from other TP members appear to be quite good. Setting up a system of crosschecking to prevent duplicate orders, perhaps all orders should require a double signature, informing your suppliers that invoices will not be paid without a double approval for any orders, is perhaps a good plan.
It appears to be the early stages of the disease for your father. Is there anyone your father would listen too? Perhaps he has a loving relationship with a sibling of his own, a personal man friend, or pastor, priest or doctor who might help your family.
Often the person afflicted is not aware of the changes to themselves or they are in denial regarding what is happening , to protect themselves. I found over the years the self awareness regarding the disease is further diminished.
Do you have a history of the disease in your family to which you could point out to a professional? And where is your mother in all of this? Does he listen to her?
We were financially ruined by this disease....I hope this will not happen to you and your family. If as you say you believe that your father has this disease the earlier you can get him a solid diagnosis the better.
