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father refuse to go to memory clinic

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by heleb82, Sep 13, 2015.

  1. heleb82

    heleb82 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2015
    11
    Hi.

    My dad attended the memory clinic two and a half months ago. He was very distressed as he thought that they were trying to "catch him out", and he felt really stupid. having seen his scan and failing the test they were going to diagnois him there and then with mild alzimers and vascular dementia. However they said that due to the fact he had a large op last year they would give it another 3 months and assess him again. Consequently he has received an appointment in a few weeks time and is reufusing point blank to attend. We, as a family have seen a deterioration in him since his last assessment . What are the consequenses of him not attending etc?? we really don't know what to do??

    Thanks in advance
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,228
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    The main drawback of not keeping the appointment will be that he he won't to given any medication that may slow his symptoms IF there is any suitable.
    My dad got a home visit from the clinic Dr so could you ring, explain the situation & ask if they do home visits?
     
  3. heleb82

    heleb82 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2015
    11
    That would be a good option. Thanks
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,228
    Merseyside
    You're welcome.
    Do you have power of attorney set up yet? If not, now will be a good time to get it sorted.
     
  5. heleb82

    heleb82 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2015
    11
    Yes, myself and my two sisters have got LPA
     
  6. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,252
    My mum didn't even get as far as the scan as her first memory clinic appointment was also her last. She simply refused to cooperate after that.

    With lots of input from me about my mum's behaviours, the information gathered during the first appointment and, I guess, her medical history, the consultant still diagnosed Alzheimer's. That in itself made little difference, however, as my mum point blank denied that there was anything wrong and although medication was available to her, she wouldn't take it. She also wouldn't accept carers. Any help I gave her had to be covert (as in sneaking rotten food out of her fridge etc).

    But at least she was in 'the system' and this gave me access to a very good SW and CPN, so although I was effectively dealing with mum alone, the professionals were there, keeping an eye on the situation, offering advice and being supportive of me.

    This probably doesn't help you much, but I think it's worth having a realistic idea what lies ahead. I genuinely believed that once my mum was seen by her GP and consultant, and they could see for themselves just how poorly she was, they'd all spring into action and sort everything out... But no, if the person is judged to have capacity then they and the family (unless they completely withdraw from caring) are often left to it, so if your dad wants no more involvement and they feel he's well enough to make that decision then that's how it will probably stay for a while.

    It might be worth trying what Cat is suggesting, or it might be worth leaving it for a while. There's a chance he'll forget this period and might be persuaded to attend more appointments at a later date.

    One thing I'd say though, is that discussing anything with my mum was a waste of time as she really wasn't in a fit state to logic her way through what was happening, and simply couldn't remember all the things that were happening that needed to be considered. And she couldn't remember up coming appointments anyway, so the best way to try and get anything done was to just get on with it on the day. Had I known that then, I would've simply taken her for the scan and I'm pretty sure she would've cooperated once there. She would've gone into 'social mode' and cooperated with the medics.

    Not that the scan would've made much of a difference anyway...

    So, my advice is try various ways of dealing with your dad, and consider telling him fibs if that's what will be best for him in the long run (I told my mum we were going for a flu jab when we first went to see her GP), but choose your battles.
     
  7. heleb82

    heleb82 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2015
    11
    Thanks for all your comments. Will keep you upgated
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My husband attended his first one a few years ago and felt the same as your dad. The problem was he wouldn't see anyone at all. However last month we had a home visit " mental health nurse called in just passing with time to spare at the end of his day ". Went well and OH was happy to see him " nice of him to call in , what a nice man " . Result I would say .
     
  9. heleb82

    heleb82 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2015
    11
    medication

    HI All.
    We have noticed that my dad has not been taking his menemtatine. could someone please advise a good medication prompter?
    Thanks
     

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