Father has more signs of dementia yet will not go doctors

[DJK2]

Hi guys,

I posted on here nearly a year ago now worried about my father, I noticed he started becoming very forgetful such as not remembering where he parked his car or forgetting names frequently. However over the past few months his memory does not seem as bad and his behaviours are not strange for example he will remember names after a few minutes and track his steps and find his keys. So I came to the conclusion he’s just getting older (nearly 60 now) but unfortunately lately my worries are now back. He has started to talk in his sleep according to my mum and just this week started to kick and punch which has never happened before and after doing a lot of reading this is a very strong indicator for a neurological disease yet he says he is just dreaming and it’s a sign of stress which he also claims to be under at work. I can’t physically make him go the doctors and his memory doesn’t seem to be worrying, What should I do?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @DJK2 the situation must be very worrying for you and your mum. You mention that your dad has started to punch and kick - does he do this to you and/or your mum? You mentioned in your previous thread that your dad's behaviour changed at the start of the covid situation/lockdown and he has said that he is under a lot of stress at work so it may not be dementia. Although you and your mum can't make him go to the GP your mum could write a letter to the doctor explaining his behaviour changes and the GP could then invite your dad in, or conduct a telephone consultation, under the pretext of something like a routine 'well man' check up. I'm concerned about your mention of punching and kicking and the potential risk to your and your mum so I'd recommend that you please call the Dementia Connect support line as the advisors will have experience of this type of situation and be able to offer you advice and support. They are open during the weekend:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementiaconnect

 

[DJK2]

Hi @Louise7,

Yes this has also been of a worry of mine. As it has just started happening it is only a rare punch and a slight kick a night, just the other night my dad punched my mum in the back and she said it was a good job her back was turned to him as she would of been going in work with a black eye so I will definitely look into this thank you. In turns of writing a letter to a gp I have thought about this but even then I think my dad will be really annoyed this has been done behind his back but I do think this needs to be done.
Thanks for you reply it’s been a great help.

 

[Louise7]

@DJK2 It is not acceptable for your mum to be subject to violence from your dad, whether a punch is 'rare' or a kick is 'slight' or not, and action needs to be taken urgently to keep your mum safe. Please ring the helpline number so that they can provide you and your mum with details of the help and support available to the family .

 

[canary]

Do you mean that he is kicking and punching in his sleep and that is why he says he is just dreaming? If so, this sounds like an REM sleep disorder that may, or may not, be linked to some form of dementia. My OH has Periodic Limb Movement Disorder and I have found that I have to sleep in a separate bed.

I would definitely write a letter to the GP explaining the problem so that it is on his records.

 

[angelict]

If your Mum is getting worn down with it could you go to the gp with her as another option although the concern is your Dad gp may do a home visit or telephone consultation instead.

 

[DJK2]

@DJK2 It is not acceptable for your mum to be subject to violence from your dad, whether a punch is 'rare' or a kick is 'slight' or not, and action needs to be taken urgently to keep your mum safe. Please ring the helpline number so that they can provide you and your mum with details of the help and support available to the family .

I understand your concern and I appreciate it. I will definitely ring the helpline today but I have just told my mum to consider sleeping in a different bed as I’m sure that’s all that I will be told to do at the moment. As this is the dementia talking point I thought to concentrate on my father’s symptoms on this website. Thanks again for your concern.

 

[DJK2]

Do you mean that he is kicking and punching in his sleep and that is why he says he is just dreaming? If so, this sounds like an REM sleep disorder that may, or may not, be linked to some form of dementia. My OH has Periodic Limb Movement Disorder and I have found that I have to sleep in a separate bed.

I would definitely write a letter to the GP explaining the problem so that it is on his records.

Hi,
When he wakes he can normally recall the dream which has caused these movements. REM sleep disorder is definitely what is frequently appearing when I search his symptoms. what is the different between periodic limb movement disorder and REM sleep disorder?
Today I will speak to my mum and definitely tell her to write a letter to our gp and go from there. Thanks for your reply.

 

[canary]

what is the different between periodic limb movement disorder and REM sleep disorder?

They are both sleep disorders, but REM sleep disorder is where you are acting out your dreams during the REM cycle of sleep, but PLMD happens throughout the night and isnt associated with any particular type of sleep. Its a repetitive cluster of jerky movements of the limb (usually the lower limbs and feet) that repeat every 20 -40 seconds. In OHs case it is indeed the legs and feet that jerk in a cluster of quick movements that shake the whole bed. Then they stop and 20 seconds later (I found myself counting the seconds!) there is another identical cluster of movements and it goes on for literally hours. I cannot sleep in the same bed as OH.

 

[Melles Belles]

REM sleep disorder can be a symptom of Lewy Body Dementia

 

[Old Flopsy]

Oh gosh canary That's exactly what I used to do- counting the seconds-no chance of getting to sleep. Then I bought a new bed for the spare room and he decided it was ideal for him and moved in- now I sleep peacefully on my own-hurrah!