Family

[KJE]

The lady that I care for has a lovely family, and her two daughters and extremely supportive and visit regularly, which is great. She has early stage Alzheimers, and still remembers all her family and loves chatting to them and seeing them, although only in pairs or small groups, family get togethers are very overwhelming for her. On a couple of occasions, her daughters have arranged for one of the grandchildren to come to visit on their own (they are all adults, with the youngest being 20), however, she seems to find this very stressful, and will try to discourage it, or if the visit takes place, claim she is not feeling well, and retire to her room until its time for them to leave. If they come with one of the daughters, she is fine with that. The grandchildren and the daughters obviously find this upsetting, and I'm wondering if she avoids this due to having a feeling that as her grandchildren, she needs to entertain them (she was very proactive with them when they were younger - always keeping them busy).

Anybody experienced this, and any suggestions?

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @KJE, welcome to the forum.

I think two things may be going on here. The first is that there is overstimulation with visitors and that can put people with dementia under pressure as it adds to the stress of trying to cope with life. Any extra stimulus, such a lights, noise etc can cause this reaction.

The second thing may be that the grandchildren may not be recognised now that they are older so their presence alone may make the person fearful. When they are with their parents they may return to context.

I'm sure you are having a good look around the forum and here's a link to the AS Publications list where you may find many interesting documents on all aspects of dementia https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

 

[KJE]

Hello @KJE, welcome to the forum.

I think two things may be going on here. The first is that there is overstimulation with visitors and that can put people with dementia under pressure as it adds to the stress of trying to cope with life. Any extra stimulus, such a lights, noise etc can cause this reaction.

The second thing may be that the grandchildren may not be recognised now that they are older so their presence alone may make the person fearful. When they are with their parents they may return to context.

I'm sure you are having a good look around the forum and here's a link to the AS Publications list where you may find many interesting documents on all aspects of dementia

Thanks very much - I was aware about the overstimulation side of it, this definitely happens with her. However, had not thought about the relationship context - that makes a lot of sense, and will help me to explain this to the daughters and grandchildren, and hopefully help them to see things from her point of view.

 

[karaokePete]

Indeed, how a person with dementia may see themselves or others can sometimes cause distress to all concerned.

One of the earliest symptoms of Alzheimer's is memory loss, or rather the inability to make new memories. Early brain pathology in Alzheimer's can involve the Hippocampus where new experiences are processed into short term memory. People think that the problem is a failure to recall things, but the reality is that new memories just cannot be formed, if you follow me. The person doesn't forget, they cannot form a memory.

This can result in the failure to recognise close relations, or even their own reflection. The reason being that a long term memory of the person is all that exists in the damaged brain. This is why a daughter or son can be mistaken for a husband or wife - the children look like the spouse did long ago. Older people aren't recognised - even down to reflections as there is no knowledge of the older person in the memory.

It's a complicated disease.

 

[Witzend]

I agree, it may be the case that she no,longer recognises them. Or maybe she is vaguely aware that she ought to, but can't remember who they are, so feels awkward and unable to cope.

My adult daughter once went alone to visit my mother in her care home, on her birthday. She went armed with flowers and chocolates - 'Happy Birthday, Granny!"
The response was a grumpy, 'I'm not your granny!'

Luckily daughter was sufficiently clued up about dementia to not take it personally.

 

[Dawnbreaker]

I think it is highly likely that when the grandchildren visit alone, she is not sure who they are, but when they visit with a parent she can put them in context. With MIL we found that the further back her relationship with a person went, the more likely she would still recognise them. So she often had no idea who I was - daughter in law of 40 years - but still recognised her son whom she had known for 60.