Family not sharing information

RedMaggs

Registered User
Aug 6, 2014
10
0
Llanidloes
Hi there

I am new to this and wonder if anyone has had the same problem.

My mum is undergoing the early stages of diagnosis, she has had blood tests and the like and is awaiting an appointment at the memory clinic. However I have only found out this today as other family members have been dealing with this. The first visit to her GP was a month ago when she was taken by one of my sisters, I visited her in the past couple of days as it was her birthday and became very concerned about her so was making phone calls to her GP and then spoke to my sister who told me she was sorting it all out and if I wanted to know anything I had to ring her after she returned from holiday as she had a lot of things to remember and so might not think to call me.

Has anyone any ways of dealing with this - the 2 members of my family who know have locked me out before - my mums GP suggested one contact and for her to disseminate any info, as one lives closest he suggested her - I am 90 miles away, she clearly doesn't feel that I have a right to know. I don't want to fall out with my family and need a way not to but still find info out about my mum who I have always been very close to.
 

Wolfsgirl

Registered User
Oct 18, 2012
1,028
0
Nr Heathrow, Mum has AD & VD
How angry this must make you feel, the same thing happened to me with my sister so I completely understand.

What I wasn't able to do (it was never convenient for her so I hope you can though) is arrange a meeting for all siblings and agree a definite line of communication. it seems your sister has fallen at the first hurdle. Maybe you can use her impending holiday as a reason for a 'second in line' reliable communicator.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can say best not to fall out :eek::eek::eek: I wasn't on the doorstep either and my bro and sis fell out a lot, I got involved and they made it up - I deliberately stayed in the background and got info from my bro. When Mum went to the CH that eventually all stopped thankfully. My sis (still on doorstep) does not visit much but my bro is fab.

Try your best not to sound critical - it can easily come across like that when everyone is so super sensitive...:(
 

ElizabethAnn

Registered User
Jan 4, 2014
189
0
Northumberland
Hello Redmaggs and welcome to Talking Point...

I too live a long way away from Mum (330 miles) and have a sister who lives close by to her. We work it out by very good communication (absolutely key).

However, most of the hands on caring is falling to my sister, other than my visits every 4/5 weeks and to provide holiday cover.

I keep a daily diary of what happens and a "To Do" List to remind us both of all appointments etc. I also sort out all paper work (Lasting Power of Attorney, filing of all paper work, research into care homes, benefits to be claimed etc.) and make as many 'phone calls as possible to make appointments and other things that can be done by 'phone to reduce the load on my sister.

Fortunately my sister and I have a very good relationship, but even so, the worry of the situation can cause misunderstandings and I feel that it is my job as the distant party to bend over backwards to provide as much support and help as is possible from such a distance.

If you do not have a good relationship with your siblings I'd suggest a family meeting with them to clear the air and offer your support in any way that you can manage. My sister and I play to our strengths and this makes the situation more manageable for us.

I cannot understate the amount of effort that the carer has to provide often with their own families and jobs running along side it...

I hope you manage to come to a workable solution.

Elizabeth.
 

ElizabethAnn

Registered User
Jan 4, 2014
189
0
Northumberland
I also 'phone Mum every morning at 9.00 and text my sister to let her know that everything is OK - this saves her having to rush around - or alerts her if there is a problem....

Perhaps you could offer to do this ?

Elizabeth.