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Family members jealous of time spent caring for mum with advanced dementia

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Son gets funny if I go to care home visiting when he wants me to look after grandchildren
You are entitled to care for whoever you choose @Kingsbridge and you have no obligation to care for either.

It makes me cross when expectations are selfish. You are your own person and your grandchildren are the responsibility of their parents no matter how much you love them. If your mother has dementia you may only have her for a short time and there`s nothing wrong with making the most of your time with her if that is what you wish.


Registered User
Dec 8, 2019
Thank u for your understanding I normally visit mum on Sunday morning but found it difficult to go Sunday morning as mum is sometimes still in bed so visit is shorter so text family member to say I wouldn't be in but I got frozen out no questions how mum is just no reply from text no reply from phone call all I get from everyone is enjoy the break your having what break I say to myself just a different set of worry


Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
High Peak
Sheesh. Your son needs to get a grip and stop being so **** selfish. He should be supporting you, not the opposite. His kids are his responsibility, not yours.

But I feel for you - it's horrible when family members add to the problem rather than helping :(


Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
Oh that’s so unfair on you. I’ll bet you’re already torn in two visiting your mum and juggling childcare! I bet you wish you could do more for your mum and at the same time wish you could help look after grandkids more. Having a grandparent available to look after a child is such a privilege. My husband and I have a parent each, my dad has mixed dementia and needs to be in a home now, my MIL looks after our 18 month old virtually full time. Every waking moment I can’t believe how lucky I am that, I have a MIL so readily available and happy to have my little boy. But if she said to me she can’t have him because she wants to do her nails/get her hair done, sit on her bum and do nothing, I think that’s her right. At the end of the day, my son is my responsibility, If I have to take him to my dads appointments, take him to view care homes etc, I’m going just have to manage. As for your son, I am sympathetic, It’s flipping hard looking after children in this modern world, we don’t have the support network that my parents generation had, family And friends never live nearby and we all work so many hours. I can get why your son might feel disappointed that you can’t look after his kids, but he shouldn’t expect it and should reflect on how lucky he is if you are ever available to look after them.