hello
@Deb F
a warm welcome to DTP
a tricky situation for all concerned
might your father-in-law make an appointment for himself, especially as he has his own health issues, trying to insist on a face to face consultation, so he can discuss the situation and how it is affecting him
he can certainly send in a letter outlining his wife's behaviour and his concerns which the GP has to note, though they may not discuss anything with him (some do) due to patient confidentiality ... you can suggest to him that he also asks for a referral to Social Services for support
in any discussions, don't mention dementia as it sounds as though your m-i-l does grasp that something is wrong and is fearful, quite understandably .... there are other causes of dementia like symptoms eg vitamin deficiency, so maybe say you've heard all over 75s are advised to get that checked before winter, along with a flu jab ... might get past her defences ... though harder if she doesn't agres to leave the house
her husband is almost doing the best thing in not arguing with his wife ... no reasoning or explaining is likely to change her mind over any issue, she believes even knows, she's right, so better to not engage, change the subject or retreat, and distract with something she enjoys eg a favourite TV programme or food treat ... anything that will not build up her resistance and will keep her as settled as possible
suggestions on this thread may help
The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
he, and you, can contact their Local Authority Adult Services (details on theor website) and ask for an assessment of care needs for them both ... they are entitled to this ... hopefully a care package will then be suggested ... though it still depends on one or both accepting support ... neither have to have a dementia diagnosis, the assessment is based on the care they need for whatever reason
will your f-i-l take into account that getting support in place now will take some strain from him so he's able to care for his wife for longer at home ... if he is ill or hospitalised, he can't support his wife
if they have income and savings, you can organise home care visits yourself ... or maybe look into a cleaner and meals on wheels to begin to help them
this is about paying for care
Dementia care isn't free, and you may need to pay for some of the care you or someone you know needs. We help you understand the different ways to pay for care, and the amount you might be expected to pay.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
and the support directory
Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
do look into arranging LPAs too,for both of them, tell them you are doing them for yourselves so they don't feel 'picked out' .... they will ease things for your husband, in the future
How to make a lasting power of attorney (LPA): starting an application online, choosing an attorney, certifying a copy, changing an LPA.
www.gov.uk