Family dynamics

[LynneMcV]

It's been a relatively peaceful day today but not completely without incident

My husband did very well generally. We managed the supermarket shopping without any confusion at the checkout and loaded up the car before stopping off on the way home to fetch the papers.

Once back in the warm my husband was content to read the papers and watch sport on the telly while I got on and did the normal Saturday bits and pieces.

All very relaxed and enjoyable. Then this evening it became evident that my husband had forgotten quite what place he played in the family - and even if we were a family.

There was no anxiety with it, he just couldn't quite place how he fitted in. He was relaxed and happy as he asked questions and I explained who I was, who his children were, how we had come to be living where we live now.

I wasn't even the slightest bit upset as I did the explaining. I was just happy that he looked accepting of the situation and content with the responses.

It isn't the first time he has momentarily forgotten who I am, I suppose the difference is that in the past, on the couple of occasions when it has happened, it has been when he has been ill and suffering a UTI - not like today when he was well in himself and coping very well.

I mentioned it to my son when we were washing up this evening and he told me that a few days ago, when he'd been out for a walk with his father, he had asked him part-way through if he was his 'friend'.

My son had simply said yes, not realising that this was a sign of not being recognised as a son - but more a case of thinking 'yes of course we are friends, why wouldn't we be?' However, by putting that incident together with what happened earlier today, it seems like we are at the point where my husband's understanding of his place in the family dynamics is becoming weakened - though only in fleeting moments.

I don't feel upset, nor does my son. All the while my husband is happy and feeling secure I don't really mind if he knows I'm his wife or not.

To be honest I feel I am more of a mother to him than a wife anyway - and above all that we are firm friends. I am content with that, I just hope he always recognises me as someone who loves him and who he is safe with

 

[nae sporran]

What a sensible post Lynne. I can't quite bring myself to say I am like a protective parent to my OH, but I know what you mean because sometimes it feels like the dynamic is changing and she needs my prescence in that reassuring way her mother used to provide.

I hope your husband can always feel like that with you and with your son. Just as I hope that whatever happens my OH and I will always be together and happy whatever this disease throws at us.

 

[Kjn]

I completely understand . Dad still calls mum by her name , but if I call her mum it confuses.
Not sure he knows who I am or brothers etc, but think he feels he knows us as being important. Seems to know our dog though lol...or because he had dogs as a child, who knows . Going with the flow. It's hard x

 

[Gwyneth]

I fully empathise with your post Lynne and take heart from the positive way you seem to have accepted this blip today, though I guess you have experienced other days in the past when you have felt anxious, afraid, saddened, infuriated, angry.....I could go on! I certainly have and in a way perhaps have still not fully accepted the situation and almost expect my husband to shake it off. We have had a bit of a volatile week with bouts of more angry and impatient outbursts aimed at me but today has been calmer and he has been helpful as I am wallpaper stripping in the dining room. But I have noticed today whenever he has made tea or coffee he asks whether I take sugar or not and I have never in all our married life. Then when I said clearly no, I still got sugar in my coffee!! A little notch downwards! But like you, a read of the paper, doing sudokos as usual and watching sport on TV and the rugby, now listening to music, all very calm. But no real challenge or responsibility is now shown. And yes, I feel like a mother hen!!