Not sure how much advice people will be able to give since this is a very specific situation, but I guess I'm making this post to vent more than anything else.
My grandfather has Alzheimer's, diagnosed late last year. He lives with my grandmother around a 10 minute walk from where I live with my parents, although obviously we can't see them in person at the moment because of COVID. My grandmother does all of his caring (his short-term memory is bad and his behaviour is beginning to become more unusual- occasionally accusing my grandmother of things etc.) I am obviously fairly far down the "ladder" of potential carers- my mum and her sister are currently sorting POA- but I am very aware of the situation, especially because we live so close but also because I am very close with my grandmother.
The issue I have is that the family dynamics between all these people are incredibly strained. My mum doesn't get on with her mum or her sister, and my aunt doesn't get on with my mum or grandmother either. I have found that my mum is very critical of basically every decision that my grandmother makes in relation to both my grandfather's care and the support she seeks for herself. I know that my grandmother is struggling but is "soldiering on", and I have had conversations with her where she talks about why she's made certain decisions etc.- I am completely satisfied that she is doing everything she can for my grandad. My mum just can't see it that way. In normal circumstances I see much more of my grandparents than my mother does, and as such I see more of the dynamic between them. If I ever saw anything that I thought worth mentioning to my mum- a deterioration, or a genuinely questionable decision by my nan- I would dread bringing it up with my mum because it would "confirm" everything she believes about her mum's ability to make decisions.
Sorry for the rant- does anyone else have experience dealing with a relative with dementia in a dysfunctional family?
My grandfather has Alzheimer's, diagnosed late last year. He lives with my grandmother around a 10 minute walk from where I live with my parents, although obviously we can't see them in person at the moment because of COVID. My grandmother does all of his caring (his short-term memory is bad and his behaviour is beginning to become more unusual- occasionally accusing my grandmother of things etc.) I am obviously fairly far down the "ladder" of potential carers- my mum and her sister are currently sorting POA- but I am very aware of the situation, especially because we live so close but also because I am very close with my grandmother.
The issue I have is that the family dynamics between all these people are incredibly strained. My mum doesn't get on with her mum or her sister, and my aunt doesn't get on with my mum or grandmother either. I have found that my mum is very critical of basically every decision that my grandmother makes in relation to both my grandfather's care and the support she seeks for herself. I know that my grandmother is struggling but is "soldiering on", and I have had conversations with her where she talks about why she's made certain decisions etc.- I am completely satisfied that she is doing everything she can for my grandad. My mum just can't see it that way. In normal circumstances I see much more of my grandparents than my mother does, and as such I see more of the dynamic between them. If I ever saw anything that I thought worth mentioning to my mum- a deterioration, or a genuinely questionable decision by my nan- I would dread bringing it up with my mum because it would "confirm" everything she believes about her mum's ability to make decisions.
Sorry for the rant- does anyone else have experience dealing with a relative with dementia in a dysfunctional family?