Hello, I'm a new member to this forum, and I really could do with just pouring out my feelings.
My much loved mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in March this year, after 2 or 3 years of increasing memory loss. My sister and I pretty much expected the AD diagnosis, as mum was just not herself, but it was still a blow to us all. Mum was prescribed Galantimine
I was a 28 year old widow with a 6 year old daughter when mum came to live with us, and it worked very well for 11 years, until the generation gap became a little too wide for everyone.
for the last 9 years Mum has lived alone in sheltered housing, my sister lives just a few streets away from her, whilst I live 15 miles away.
The day after my mum was diagnosed, I attended a job interview and was next day offered a full time job. Having been made redundant two years previously, I accepted the job offer. Mindful that mum would need more time and attention, I put it to my sister that I needed to work, and wondered if she could be 'working hours' support for mum from Monday to Friday, and I would then be 'on call' for the hours after 5pm till 9am and all weekend. (My Brother in Law works away during the week and comes home at weekends).
My sister told me that she would do as I suggested, but that she wasn't happy about it. She would not be visiting mum everyday, because mum smoked and as a recent non smoker, she did not want to be in that environment. She did not want to learn anything about Alzheimer's or be referred to as a carer. As far as she was concerned, she is a daughter who cares but is not going to be labelled a carer. She would fill in official forms, and do whatever was necessary to help mum, and that she would keep me informed of the outcome of visits with Dr's or Social Workers. She also told me that she resented the fact that my decisions and mums actions years ago (mum moving in with me, and all of us moving to the village in which she lived) had endangered the plans of a lifetime that she and her husband had been preparing to embark on. We'd been down this road 5 years previously when I'd moved out of the village to live 15 miles away, so I wasn't shocked to hear this. Just really sad that it was being dragged up again, and I tried to ignore it.
Mum quite early on experienced some really bad weeks of awful paranoia, depression, confusion, delusional, it was crazy. Whenever a third party became involved in any incident involving mum, I'd call my sister to keep her informed and up to date. However, one day my brother in law called to say that they couldn't understand why I felt the need to phone them all the time with updates on mum. I was only calling them whenever a third party had been involved, like the time mum called the ambulance for herself because she felt unwell,and they took her off to hospital. I thought she should know about something like that. I am now not allowed to call them unless it's an absolute emergency. Consequently, we've not spoken for 6 months now.
They were invited to my wedding (long before Alzheimers was diagnosed) and never replied to the invitation, my neice is expecting a baby in November and I only found out through my daughter's friend. My nephew was supposed to be escorting me down the aisle on my wedding day, but we've never heard from him either.
My sister has always been kind of 'sensitive' - we had to telephone at least 24 hours in advance if we wanted to call in to visit, and I've always put little things like that down to her just 'being her'. I accept her little 'foibles' and I do love her.
So, sorry this is so long. I just feel totally confused. Mum is on the higher dose of Gelantimine now, and has shown some interest in life again and is happier in the last few weeks. As far as I'm aware, she does not know that my sister and I have not spoken for months. it does make it difficult though, especially when mum remembers something, and asks me to confirm something about my sisters family. I'm not able to do so honestly, because they don't want me to contact them.
I've gone through the anger thing, and also questioned and examined myself to try and find out where my sister is coming from. I've obviously hurt her big time, but can't for the life of me work out how. Now, I'm just trying to move on and not let these awful things she said to me buzz around in my head too much.
Luckily my Employers are very supportive, and I just have to tell them when I need time off to take mum to see her consultant. I also visit mum every other night straight from work, and spend all day Saturday with her, and she'll sometimes agree to come for lunch on Sundays and we go get her. She's so good at the moment, that we took her to the local theatre this week, and she loved it.
I thought we were a pretty average and close family before Alzheimer's, now I don't have any extended family it seems. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
My much loved mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in March this year, after 2 or 3 years of increasing memory loss. My sister and I pretty much expected the AD diagnosis, as mum was just not herself, but it was still a blow to us all. Mum was prescribed Galantimine
I was a 28 year old widow with a 6 year old daughter when mum came to live with us, and it worked very well for 11 years, until the generation gap became a little too wide for everyone.
for the last 9 years Mum has lived alone in sheltered housing, my sister lives just a few streets away from her, whilst I live 15 miles away.
The day after my mum was diagnosed, I attended a job interview and was next day offered a full time job. Having been made redundant two years previously, I accepted the job offer. Mindful that mum would need more time and attention, I put it to my sister that I needed to work, and wondered if she could be 'working hours' support for mum from Monday to Friday, and I would then be 'on call' for the hours after 5pm till 9am and all weekend. (My Brother in Law works away during the week and comes home at weekends).
My sister told me that she would do as I suggested, but that she wasn't happy about it. She would not be visiting mum everyday, because mum smoked and as a recent non smoker, she did not want to be in that environment. She did not want to learn anything about Alzheimer's or be referred to as a carer. As far as she was concerned, she is a daughter who cares but is not going to be labelled a carer. She would fill in official forms, and do whatever was necessary to help mum, and that she would keep me informed of the outcome of visits with Dr's or Social Workers. She also told me that she resented the fact that my decisions and mums actions years ago (mum moving in with me, and all of us moving to the village in which she lived) had endangered the plans of a lifetime that she and her husband had been preparing to embark on. We'd been down this road 5 years previously when I'd moved out of the village to live 15 miles away, so I wasn't shocked to hear this. Just really sad that it was being dragged up again, and I tried to ignore it.
Mum quite early on experienced some really bad weeks of awful paranoia, depression, confusion, delusional, it was crazy. Whenever a third party became involved in any incident involving mum, I'd call my sister to keep her informed and up to date. However, one day my brother in law called to say that they couldn't understand why I felt the need to phone them all the time with updates on mum. I was only calling them whenever a third party had been involved, like the time mum called the ambulance for herself because she felt unwell,and they took her off to hospital. I thought she should know about something like that. I am now not allowed to call them unless it's an absolute emergency. Consequently, we've not spoken for 6 months now.
They were invited to my wedding (long before Alzheimers was diagnosed) and never replied to the invitation, my neice is expecting a baby in November and I only found out through my daughter's friend. My nephew was supposed to be escorting me down the aisle on my wedding day, but we've never heard from him either.
My sister has always been kind of 'sensitive' - we had to telephone at least 24 hours in advance if we wanted to call in to visit, and I've always put little things like that down to her just 'being her'. I accept her little 'foibles' and I do love her.
So, sorry this is so long. I just feel totally confused. Mum is on the higher dose of Gelantimine now, and has shown some interest in life again and is happier in the last few weeks. As far as I'm aware, she does not know that my sister and I have not spoken for months. it does make it difficult though, especially when mum remembers something, and asks me to confirm something about my sisters family. I'm not able to do so honestly, because they don't want me to contact them.
I've gone through the anger thing, and also questioned and examined myself to try and find out where my sister is coming from. I've obviously hurt her big time, but can't for the life of me work out how. Now, I'm just trying to move on and not let these awful things she said to me buzz around in my head too much.
Luckily my Employers are very supportive, and I just have to tell them when I need time off to take mum to see her consultant. I also visit mum every other night straight from work, and spend all day Saturday with her, and she'll sometimes agree to come for lunch on Sundays and we go get her. She's so good at the moment, that we took her to the local theatre this week, and she loved it.
I thought we were a pretty average and close family before Alzheimer's, now I don't have any extended family it seems. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?