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Family crumbling

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
After 6 years of coping with this terrible disease and the effect it's having on her dad, my poor pregnant tired daughter shouted at her dad today and he shouted back. She's 35 and I've never seen them like this before. He loves to see her and phone her, but he can't carry on a phone conversation any more, and today he kept disappearing to the bedroom while she was here with our 18 month old grandson. He"s doing the same on the 2 days our grandson is with us. He obviously is feeling he can't cope with our lovely. Wee boy. I've lost my husband, my soul mate and my best friend. I'm not prepared to lose my grandchildren as well. If he would go to groups or amuse himself it wouldn't matter, but he won't do it. He has started using his bus pass to ride on the buses. That would be fine but he sometimes says one place when he means another, and gets lost very easily. I'm investigating tracker devices and I've ordered a medical bracelet today. These behaviours are new and uncharacteristic but devastating to my daughter and myself. He has become very stubborn and will not be reasoned with. I really feel today has been a watershed and everything we've ever known as a family has finally gone....
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,079
Devon
You must be feeling so upset Callandergirl, and in such a lonely and sad place. There have been discussions on threads previously about how hard it is to constantly adjust to new difficult situations, and the despairing feelings this can bring up.. Eventually we do come to terms with the new loss but it is heartbreaking.
It must be so difficult to see this impacting on you daughter, especially if they have been close.
I haven't been in exactly this situation and I'm sure there will be other people who can advise you better, but I hope it won't be as bad as you think and you will all be able to find some strategies to help you through.
Do you have a Support Worker or anyone you can discuss this with who may be able to offr advice and practical help? Sorry I can't be of any more help but sending you love and a big hug. Es
xxx
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
It's heartbreaking but I think your husband is now jealous of the attention you pay your grandson. HE wants to be the centre of your world. My husband developed this too and resented anyone coming to the house, phoning, etc. Looking back now I can see that it is fear that makes them so irrational. Can he go to a day centre on the days you have your grandson? You definirely need to get him a tracker device if he is travelling on his own and I know someone will be along soon withe details of how to get one. Hopefully he will be able to make his peace with your dsughter who obviously doesn't need this extra stress. Best wishes.


Sent from my GT-N5110
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello callandergirl welcome to Talking point, so many people here are going through the same as you are, it is heartbreaking, l feel for you and know what you are going through, my hubby has started to get aggressive, he has always been a very kind and gentle person, he is now on so much medication which is helping, does your hubby have any medication? if not you must see your GP
You can get a tracker device free through the Alzheimers Society, they are quite expensive to buy, if your hubby gets lost you need one.
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
I remember this phase so well Calandergirl - how distressing for you and your family, especially your daughter. It is so difficult to accept the changes as they arise but underneath the dreadful illness he is still the same man and try to remember - he can't do anything about his behaviour - he is controlled by the illness. I am thinking of you all with loving thoughts as you come to terms with the saddening changes in your lives due to dementia.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,232
England
Unfortunately someone living with dementia reaches a point where they can't be reasoned with. They no longer grasp or understand what is needed of them. It is not stubbornness, it is not understanding, just one more thing that dementia steals from them.

My husband at this stage sat and said nothing, a stranger would have thought him miserable, unfriendly or even down right rude. He was infact not able to follow a conversation so could not contribute to it, found lots of people around who he did not know ( his family) very confusing so his way of dealing with it was to remain silent.

It is difficult to understand and accept this very different person who stands in front of us, who looks no different than they did some time ago but acts like someone who is hell bent on causing upset.

Try to put it behind you, I am sure that you have not lost everything, it might be different but deep inside your husband loves his daughter and grandchildren and of course you, he has just lost the ability to show it, again the fault of the disease, nothing at all to do with his feelings. Our loved ones live in such a muddled world.

Take care.
 

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