1. shirlwlm

    shirlwlm Registered User

    Oct 27, 2007
    Hi all, this is my first post on TP so bear with me but I can definatley relate to dealing with things on your own.My mum has AD and I have been left to deal with and fight for everything regarding mum although I have a brother 11 years older than me and he lives minutes away and I live 35 miles away. My dad was my mums main carer until he had another heart attack and then a social worker was sent to speak to us about mums care at the time I was staying with mum. My mum has always been a very strong character(a bit bossy) and very stubborn so when the social worker suggested mum have respite for a little while she was having none of it, social worker said mum had to go voluntarily, I rang my brother who said he couldnt help he was going on holiday! I didnt know what to do at 1.00 in the morning myself and my daughter who was only 13 at the time were tired ( mum is a walker and doesnt sit down much) I rang the duty social worker who stayed on and off the phone for hours with me and I will always be grateful for that because I thought I was going out of my mind. He arranged for a doctor and care team to come out in the morning to see mum which they did, well to cut a long story short mum was sectioned, this was one of the worst moments of my life, I felt guilty and had to face mum going away and dad having a bit of rest(he was 88 and it was the pressure of coping with mum 24/7 that was taking its toll on him) where was my brother ? nowhere to be seen he didnt even ring me to see if things were ok! Nearly three years on Im still doing everything even though mum is now in a home EMI,socia;l worker meetings,home meetings ,paperwork its endless loving mum is the strength that keeps me going although it takes its toll, Iwill keep o n fighting for her without my brother.Im sorry I seem to have carried on but to anyone out there you are not on your own and just keep doing your best it makes you stonger beleive it or not.Shirl x
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Shirl, welcome to TP.

    If you read some posts, you will find there are so many families where one menber takes the lions share of caring. I suppose they are the ones who are strong and have principles.

    Sectioning isn`t the shame it was thought to be years ago. Your mother was sectioned for her own health and safety and because she refused to accept necessary help.

    You have done your best for your mother and now you have found TP. I hope you will find the support you need here.

    Take care and keep posting.

    Love xx
  3. shirlwlm

    shirlwlm Registered User

    Oct 27, 2007
    Hi Sylvia,
    Thanks for your kind post its nice just to know you are not on your own, I must admit until I found TP I didnt have anyone to talk to or even listen and share experiences with,
    love Shirl x
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Shirl, I`ve moved your posts to the Support section as I think you will get a better response here.

    I don`t think you`ll have any trouble finding someone here to talk to and to share experiences with. We are all good listeners too. :)

    Love xx
  5. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Shirl,thanks for thos words.its nice to know there is always someone out there who share yourplight.i had a call tonight from my sister telling me that she had spoke to mum today and mum was annoyed i hadn;t been round.ME being the single mum with 3 kids,one with chicken pox,another with a bad cold,the eldest has pmt and i have an ear and throat infection!to be honest i put the phone down.maybe its time the others played a part in mum and dads care.my care is for me and the kids at the moment,i can't leave the house it's that bad.love and a big hug elainex
  6. lizzie2596

    lizzie2596 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2007
    Hi Elaine

    You are an absolute star and those of us who share this kind of burden salute you. I hope you don't let your brother and sister lay any kind of guilt trip on you as they are the ones who should be ashamed.

    I have come to the conclusion that some people are unable to face up to difficult situations and even more difficult decisions at times like this. My eldest brother is one of them - full of good intentions and saying all he right things but unable to bring himself to visit Mum after 3 months in the care home.

    I can only hope that he doesn't live to regret it - although when things are difficult to bear I sometimes hope that he will. At least my conscience will be clear and so should yours be.

    Take care

    Liz x
  7. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    They do say if you want something doing, ask a busy person, so I think most of us on this site are busy people, with lots of personal and close-family problems, and somehow we find the time to fit in the rest.

    I am glad I do not have children to worry over (already been through that, one with Bulimia and now under control), but I still have the full-time job (maybe time to give it up), and my own health problems, and no relatives at all so it is all down to me. I do feel for those of you with siblings who don't appear to pull their weight. Having got none, I can say that if I had your siblings I would smack them!

    Seriously though, it often does fall to the supposed "strong" member of the family, and somehow, despite the burden, that member does a brilliant job.

    So all you people out their fighting on your own, good luck, and post on here before it gets too much.

    I wonder if the government is remotely aware of what we all do voluntarily?


    Best wishes

  8. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Shirl,
    I hope your dad is doing better. I was in a similar situation caring for mum and dad. I can identify with the sadness you are feeling concerning your mum.

    There are so many situations with families that are not unlike your own. I have one sister who lives in the UK and she is very poorly, unable to travel. My brother lives interstate and is quite happy to leave everything to me.

    It must be so hard for you not getting any support from your brother, especially when he lives so near. Never mind Shirl, at least your parents are blessed to have you helping them. All any of us can do is our best and I'm sure we will all be stronger and much wiser by this experience. Caring Thoughts Taffy.

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