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Families!What should I do?


Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
Bexley in Kent nr London
This last 12 months has been very stressful. I have worried about Mark, concerned he might be deteriorating, worried about work which is suffering during this financial downturn, worried about staff issues and so on. Even the dog ran off two weeks ago and it took me 2 hours to track her down, whilst sheer panic began to take over :eek:

But the one thing which has most disturbed me is the lack of His family contact. They were never the closest family but by any standard this behaviour is reprehensible. We have not been told where one daughter has moved to, been invited to see the new baby born 5 months ago (my Partner's Grandchild) thanked for the Christmas presents or telephoned just to see how we are. For nearly 18 months we have heard nothing and gleaned some public snippetts only from Facebook!!!

My Partner gets upset and is frustrated at the lack of contact but he is not able to facilitate it due to his Dementia. I love him and am angry at the cold and heartless view they take toward their father. What should I do? I feel that if I intervene I shall be regarded as the interfering Step Father, but if I don't they will effectively not acknowledge he even exists any longer. :mad:

I don't think I can trust their Mother to state my Partner's case. She is very defensive about them and I think indulgent of their raw and naked selfishness.

Any advice most welcome. Thanks for reading
Last edited:

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
It's a hard one. Is it possible for you to send a regular email, say every couple of weeks or so, just keeping in touch and updating them? I would close each and every email saying that Mark would love to hear from them, just a card or a call even. Be as non-judgemental as you can and encourage any sort of contact. Pleasant nagging can work.

What about asking them for a drink or a meal, if not at home, in a public place? Ask for a photo of his grandchild too.

I hope something works - it can be so heartbreaking when people refuse to get in touch.


Registered User
Jul 1, 2009

I'm so sorry to hear about the lack of interest and support for your partner. I have read similar stories over and over on this forum and it makes my heart ache.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, as our family, though very small, stuck together like glue during mum's journey. It was only my sister and I left, after dad died 2 years ago, but we didn't feel we needed anyone else. Mum's friends seemed too afraid to stay in touch directly, though her oldest friend would write, and we would read her letters to mum in the nursing home. Her old neighbours didn't visit, and I wonder if it was a relief that she was no longer at the house. They were elderly themselves and with my sister and I being far from mum, they must have felt a responsibility, so I don't blame them for that. It just made me sad that after a lifetime of giving to others, mum only had her daughters in the last 18 months of her life.

Still, like you, we did everything we could to spare her any hurt.

I wish I could say something to make things easier for you and Mark, but if it helps I am sending much support and understanding in this journey you are both on together. Despite the lack on his family's part, he is very lucky to have you, xxx


Registered User
May 13, 2010
It must be hard for you to sit by! Time goes by so fast and with a baby you forget about everythingelse as you are so sleep deprived I agree with the first reply (cant remember the name now ironically) and say about love to hear from you but it must be very frustrating with the lasck of response I would encourage my partner to speak to them as hopefully the sound of his voice will get through to them x