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Falsely accused of financial abuse

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Mary9, Oct 18, 2015.

  1. Mary9

    Mary9 Registered User

    Dec 12, 2013
    44
    Help, my sister who I have nothing to do with, has rang social services to say Mom needs safeguarding, it is being investigated at the moment and I am at my wits end.

    I hold a joint bank account with Mom and have done for nearly 12yrs this was done when she was of absolute sound of mind. Sisters did not know this until recently and they think they can have the money. The only thing ss will tell me re concerns it that Moms room isn't homely, which is a lie and ss agree with that, I have tried to complain/appeal at my name being dragged through the mud but they tell me I can't until a decision has been made, I also pay the top up fee, I am desperate for
    help and no seems to want to know, any advise please.
     
  2. Mary9

    Mary9 Registered User

    Dec 12, 2013
    44
    Many thanks piph,

    Yes as you say I keep receipts for everything and all can be accounted for. There are no changes to be made to her room as everything is fine, as agreed by SS, it is just pure spite, I just feel it is very wrong that you cannot defend yourself when being falsely accused of something!

    Thanks again, hope all is ok for you.
     
  3. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Hi there.

    It must be so difficult when someone tries to undermine you.

    I have no experience of this situation, but wanted to post to shown my support.

    My only advice would be that knowing you've done nothing wrong, and you have accounts, your sister has no evidence to prove otherwise. SS have to investigate any complaint, but that doesn't mean they believe her.

    Your mum set up the account with you when she was able to, so you have nothing to deny. Try to just allow the process to continue, hard I'm sure.

    Maybe your sister is using her own standard to judge you by!

    I hope all goes well. Keep posting. J x
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I really feel for you. A number of years ago i had to sit through an investigation following a malicious phone call from a family member (it involved a child not an adult) and I can only say that I understand how frightened you are BUT SS are very good at working out when something has been done maliciously and it really is just a case of keeping your cool, presenting your case clearly and explaining why you think that call was made. They deal with LOADS of malicious calls and every one of them relates back to incidents of greed or perceived 'unfairness' and yours looks pretty clear cut from what you have said in your post. Your email was very clear and easy to understand but it must be very stressful for you.

    Your name won't be dragged through the mud at all. The whole investigation is likely to be brief and is completely confidential and only the people you want to know about it will know so don't worry about that. If your mum is happy and comfy and it sounds very much as though she is, and you have already had the SW say there are no grounds for the 'homely' room. Just make sure that you write yourself a couple of little lists - one about the bank account and the other about the things that you for your mum ie top up fees. They won't let you appeal or complain before a decision has been made but that is just process, it is no reflection on you or on what has gone on, it is simply ticking boxes.

    It isn't easy to sit back and let it happen but it is all you can do at the moment and you can get lots of support on here. I'm so sorry you are going through this, i really understand your stress - i always resort to a bit of deep breathing to relax and help me sleep but it doesn't always work!!!
    Take care
     
  5. Mary9

    Mary9 Registered User

    Dec 12, 2013
    44
    Jan s and fizzie,

    Thank you both for your reply and kind words it has put a tear in my eye, just that support.

    It is hard but hanging in there, many thanks again
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    you are very welcome. you are doing a grand job and your mum is so lucky you are looking after her and protecting her so well. I'm sure there is a reason why you don't have contact with your sister and when this is over you will be able to return to that happy state!! They have to investigate every phone call and it sounds very spiteful.

    Take care of yourself and try to have a restful night x
     
  7. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Hi Mary, I am pleased to be able to support you. I do understand how stressful such a situation is, and it is very easy for me to say just try to sit back and let it happen. That isn't easy, and it's natural for us all to want to defend ourselves.

    You have nothing to defend. Your sister by making these accusations is making herself look unreliable.

    As Fizzie says, your mum is lucky to have someone like you to care for her. Keep going girl! :)
     
  8. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    51
    Yorkshire
    My advice; Stop paying the top up fee.

    I read your blog Mary9, and I bet you feel no one is listening to you but everyone is to your sisters.
    Can I tell you what experience I am going through at the moment, and you may see similarities.

    For 7 years my late sister in law received full time care, whether it was through respite stays or then a permanent placement was found in a home.
    Until my hubby was awarded deputy-ship by C.O.P, he had to keep taking his sister out of the nursing home down to the bank to withdraw funds which were immediately paid towards her care fees, and personal expensive's.

    Finally, he was awarded to act on behalf of C.O.P by being made a deputy-ship.

    Every year he had to submit a full account file of all ingoings, outgoings, bank accounts closed...the lot.

    Over the years visits to S.i.L on birthday and christmas nephews declined. And for the last two years of her life, her 3 nephews (beneficiaries to her will, along with my hubby) didn't even submit a birthday card never mind a visit.

    Finally, she was blessed with peace from her decline in dementia, last year.

    The final week of her life my hubby and I took it in turns to go and sit with her for a few hours each day. I would brush her hair do her nails, little things that had a contact to which she would show some reaction.
    After her passing, then came the greed.
    My hubby has not had time at all in the past year to grieve for his sister.
    As I stated earlier, my hubby was accountable to C.O.P. Also, my S.i.L fully funded herself all those years at an average cost of £400 a week.
    Now the other 3 beneficiaries feel they are owed something more than just the proceeds from the sale of the house.
    So, my hubby and I have been accused of theft from the estate.
    The intimidation from those 3 sons (and partners) got so bad, a solicitors letter was sent to the 2nd (my hubby being the other executor) executor of the will (hubby eldest son) to stop the allegations, and to approach the C.O.P for confirmation of my hubby's duties.

    I would like to add that C.O.P have stated that if they found no just cause to question my hubby's role then that should be the end of the matter.
    Now over a year later, and after a few months of peace and quiet, it has come to our attention that my hubby is being investigated by the police.
    They have been checking to see if we have made any recent large purchases, which we haven't. We have even contacted the police to offer our bank statements to show we have done no wrong and not hiding anything.

    Well, Mary like us you have nothing to hide and the paper trail will lead the investigators in the right direction. Let them do their investigation. In the meantime, and I know she is your mum, but she will receive care regardless where the fund comes from.
    I would say; Stop paying any money to top up her fees. Let the Adult Services assess your mums financial needs and assets for costs to be met there, this will also allow her some spendy money for little things to keep her happy. And you can then always give her gifts of treats and toiletries for special occasions or on visits.

    When all the investigations are over with, and you are cleared of any wrong doing.
    If there is a point your mum requires a deputyship or similar, and there is also a will involved with family beneficiaries, My advice would be let someone else take on those roles and be made accountable.

    I recently made a will and after my hubby, the executor is the solicitor.
    What many beneficiaries seem to forget is, while the person is alive the assets are actually theirs to do with as they wish, what's left is then for the benefciary...after debts been paid.

    There will be a good outcome, unfortunately it will just take time to get to that point.

    As for us, we have nooooo idea who has made accusations to the police to have our finances investigated, the police won't provide that information or possibly ever will.:rolleyes:
     
  9. Mary9

    Mary9 Registered User

    Dec 12, 2013
    44
    Hi kim62,

    Gosh sorry to hear what you are going through I can sympathise, and yes it does feel as no one is listening to me. I have done absolutely nothing wrong but that is a fear I have of the police getting involved, it hasn't come to that yet, but not holding my breath. It just feels as though people who know, will think I am cheating my Mom, and I never have or would do that, that is why she wanted a joint account with me as she didn't trust the others, those were her words.

    It is so frustrating I don't know how to stop them harassing me, I had to buy a new phone so as I could block there numbers, because of the texts and calls I was getting.

    Take care and I hope all ends well x
     
  10. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    51
    Yorkshire
    Update

    Mary, if the police do become involved, and it is a possibility they will. They will want all documents in relation to your mum. They will then invite you to the station for a formal recorded interview, no matter how friendly this may appear you need to have a criminal yes criminal lawyer in attendance with you. If the police then wish to have you bailed, this is to allow them time to gather documented evidence. Why do I know all this, because this is what my 70 year old hubby with I'll health is now having to face. Stand firm let any investigation be carried out, provide as much documentation to speed up the investigation and bring the matter to a close. If however you are being harassed by accusers you have the right to report to police,or pay a solicitor to send a letter. When the investigation is over and they find in your favour, ask the police to confirm in writing your cleared, then request that you feel you are owed a written apology by your accusers.Doubt you will get the last but at least it could go on record.
    Best wishes and stand your ground.
     
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