Falling Apart

[debby13]

Falling apart

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Hi all

I am new to this posting having been searching for some outlet where I could talk get advice and probably have a emotional download...hopefully from reading this all I have found it.

My Dad is 74 and during the last 3 years has been misdiagnosed with many things, which started with depression his own GP put him on anti-depressants and really from that point on things went from bad to worse. Eventually he got so anxious, agressive and overwhelming difficult he had a spell in the priory (a complete waste of time). He then went into a hospital in Epsom West Park and basically looked about 10 years old than he was, couldnt move his mouth or lips and they thought he had had a stroke. He then had MRI scans and various other test, they then thought he had dementia but all the while he was on super strong antidepressants, plus lithium and various others all of which turned him into a zombie. I had twins and he barely noticed and then on one overwhelmingly sad day got out a book and wrote their names down in it because he couldnt remember. It makes me cry just thinking about it. He then came out of hospital and back home to normality....only it wasnt. Poor Mum has become the full time carer and literally does everything for him. She is ill herself and gets more and more exhausted. Whilst we have done lots of things last year ie they are now in much smaller place which is more manageable, Dad goes to a Day centre once a week and Mum has someone to come and sit with him once a week it never seems enough. The latest round of test with a DAT scan show he only has mild dementia and the neurologist thinks the reason he is in such poor health is because of all the drugs. So he is now being reduced on much of it and then last week went back to his anxious self, pacing the room and eventually ended up in hospital. We managed to get him respite for 3 weeks from today and I have just come off the phone with my mum who is crying at the other end saying "he didnt have a blanket and he looked so lost". I want to break down and cry myself for my Dad Ive lost but I cant because I want to be strong for her. Its all so hard.

Sorry

 

[Mameeskye]

Hi Debby

((((Hugs)))

You have come to the right place for lots of advice and support.

My Mum started with personality changes then depression then after about 4 years we finally got a diagnosis of vascular dementia which often appears to start (I have now found out) with a depression type illness.

Firstly, do not be afraid of crying. It gets rid of a lot of nasty stress chemicals which will be fizzing round your system. I also have twins and by the age of two they were used to me being in tears as I would come off yet another phone call with or about my Mum when she had either been horrible or I was told of yet another horrible event.

Others may be able to help you more with knowledge about drugs. I know that in my Mum's nursing home that they try to use as little as possible and try and manage behaviours as much as possible as many of the drugs can have a sedating effects and due to the action of the illness on the brain they can never be 100% sure of how the drugs will act.

Your Mum at the moment will probably be sad, as losing a partner even to respite will make her feel awful. Hopefully you will be able to persuade her to spend some time with you and your children. This is where they can be of great benefit helping you through.

As she recovers some strength you will want to consider your father's care and, perhaps while he is in respite is the time to either fight for a better at home care package or to consider longer term NH care. Speaking to GP, Social Work and CPN (if you have one) may help you with this. As your Mum is the prime carer she must feel able to cope.

Knowing what it is like with young twins with the best will in the world you will not be able to give as much as I am sure that you want to give. it isn't possible and try not to feel guilty about it. My HV advised me early on (her one useful piece of advice) that children have to be cared for. They have to be the priority as they are the future. But you will along the way find a balance point that you feel happy with and it may take some time for you to find.

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

It isn't easy

Mameeskye

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Debby, welcome to TP.

My husband is just one year older than your father. His first obvious symptom was depression and it took a long time to find medication that didn`t have harmful side effects. He has been on his current anti-depressants for a while and I can only say the depression is controlled, but still obvious. I wouldn`t like to hazard a guess about any side effects he may be having.

The trouble is, so much is trial and error. What suits one person can be damaging to another. So many people are campaigning for access to the Alzheimer drugs, but although my husband was offered them on diagnosis, they had dramatic and frightening side effects and he had to stop taking them.

I often wish I had the courage to throw all the drugs in the bin, but I can`t take that responsibility. With no medical training I haven`t a clue what would happen. I only know that many drugs are extremely effective, and I`m sure the medics do try to resolve conditions to the best of their ability.

Seeing the change in your father is obviously very distressing for you. You are also trying to be strong for your mother. You are in good company on TP. Your problems won`t go away but you will come into contact with so many who share them and know and understand what you`re going through.

Take care

Love xx

 

[debby13]

Thanks to you both for you kind words and offer of support. It really does help already and I find myself logging in regularly just to hear what others have to say. I will certainly take on board your advice and will be renewed strength attack the whole social worker/care package issue. Now Dad is in respite it makes it easier for me to help Mum get on and do these things. I just spoke with her and she was off to visit him and was hoping that he would be ok. All I could advice was not to hope for too much as I think she cant help but judge everyone's care by her own standards which are very high (hence how exhausted she now is).

I know one of the issues Mum really struggles with is getting all the repeat prescriptions etc and that she finds this v stressful....if anyone has any tips for this i would appreciate it!.

Big kisses and love to you all.

nb my twins are 2 tomorrow and we are celebrating with Mum at the weekend with lots of friends and lots of Cava!!

xxxxx

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Debbie

When you talk about repeat prescriptions are you talking about physically picking them up, or are you talking about the surgery having them ready or what?

 

[Margarita]

If your mother worried about having to organize them on a daily bases , Our chemist can have them all ready pact into doest boxes for 2 weeks , they can also deliver them to me weekly if I wanted to, ready pact into doest boxes

but I do not do that, they have [chemist] my mother repeat perception In they
computer system
I get 3 mouths of medication , every 3 mouths , when I am running out I Pop in to chemist 2 weeks before running out of medication and in 2 days they have the 3 mouths of medication ready for me . I have doest boxes and do them for 4 weeks

 

[debby13]

Hi there

I meant that she is always running out of prescriptions and finds it stressful making sure she is always ahead of the game in terms of all the drugs Dad needs. Perhaps it is simply an organisation thing rather than anything complicated I suppose I was hoping that someone might be able to offer some tips on what they do? I know that you can use boots but am not sure how it all works etc?

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, I really appreciate it.

xx

 

[cariad]

medication

Hi, my mam was getting very confused with her own medication and so was I!! The G.P arranged for a nomad tray to be delivered. At first it would come weekly (each tray has the medication clearly marked, you just pop open a capsule) The drugs for certain times of day are demarcated e.g mon a.m or tues mid morning etc. Now we have them delivered 4 weekly. The chemist sorts out all the ordering of repeat prescriptions (unless another Dr prescribes something new in which case I do it then). Hope this makes sense!

 

[jenniferpa]

When my mother was living alone with carers going in, we had the local chemist (1st Boots and then another one) pack all the meds in to monthly dosette blister packs (i.e all am meds in one blister, all pm meds in 1 blister etc). It did take some arrangeing upfront (Boots in particular needed a 3 week lead time to make up the packs (!) but that may just have been that branch - the second chemist I used could do it within a day), and I had to make sure with the surgery that all her scripts were running from the same date, if you see what I mean, AND that they had arranged to get them to the chemist but after that initial set up they simply delivered them at the end of each month. Actually apart from the long lead time it wan't too hard - I wandered into Boots one day with my mothers name, a list of her meds, and the name of the surgery and they arranged it all.

 

[Mameeskye]

When Dad was ill Mum used to phone the surgery when a repeat was needed. They dealt with it all from there and it used to appear on her doorstep from the chemist the next day.

I know that within the home they use blister packs that are dleivered by the Chemist for each resident, although as medication changes occur they have to constantly keep an eye on it.

Maybe you could phone and speak to your local GP/Chemist/Practice Nurse and find out the options available in your area.

Have a great birthday with your twins (is it BB, GG, or BG?) Lots of cake cava and chocolate...excellent recipe for a good weekend! Mine are 6 next month.
Love
Mameeskye