Hello All,
An update about my lovely Dad, he is still in hospital after his fall out of the window.
He has been left with life changing injuries, not to mention the escalation of his dementia which the consultant has confirmed not only due to the head and spine injuries but the shock of the fall to his system, he will never be the same and is much less mobile and frail. He is eating very little and has lost over two stone since being in hospital. He has declined so much, going from being fully mobile, eating really well before he went in to respite all them weeks ago on the 23rd December.
I wanted to post as I am finding things really hard, as hard as I try, I cannot seem to find any acceptance, I still feel incredibly guilty about putting him in respite in the first place.
It feel that his cognition and dementia symptoms have declined at a hundred miles an hour since. He is now on 1:1, sometimes 2:1 with security being called as he has been very agitated and aggressive and trying to escape from hospital.
When we go and visit he cries and pleads for us to take him home, this makes visits so stressful, I feel anxious before I go in and even worse when I leave him. I wish I could stay and comfort him longer but he becomes unsettled and just wants to go home. Lets face it, we know hospital is not the right setting for PWD. He has been in there since 9th January.
He has been assessed by two care homes who have declined him as on paper he looks very challenging to manage, I don't understand how this has happened to my lovely Dad, I can't help thinking that he is going to die in hospital.
I know I have asked this question before but something inside me is screaming 'take him home!' I am heartbroken and don't want this nightmare to get any worse.
I am still off work for another month and was going to ask the consultant if I could take him home for a couple of days, this may or may not give him peace and could even make things worse, am I just thinking about my self. I just don't want to regret not doing my best for him. Help please, I feel as if I am losing my mind. I know I sound dramatic but this is just how I feel.
I cannot stop thinking that the bad care at the respite care home has lead Dad and us to this point, sorry for the rant but no matter who I speak to and where I turn I still feel, helpless, guilty and desperate.