1. Flutterby17

    Flutterby17 Registered User

    Apr 23, 2017
    20
    My dad seems to be in the last few days of his life. I've seen him in so many different states over the last two weeks, I'm almost as exhausted as he is. Admitted to hospital with sepsis last week, he almost died on Wednesday. I wish he had. He was comfortable, and it would have been so quick. Treated with antibiotics and fluids, he became agitated, delirious, hysterical and violent. Only to be told after 5 days that he wasn't improving and would be fast track discharged.
    I've seen him sleepy and comfortable, unrousable, chayne stocking, screaming, lashing out and more angry than I have ever seen before. Today today he is fading, his skin is cool and mottled, he's getting more drowsy and I can see him fading. Macmillan Nurse referral has been done today, I assume it won't be auctioned over the weekend and I'm not sure he'll be here on Monday.
    I promised I would do my best for him and this doesn't feel like it.
     
  2. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    294
    Female
    So sorry that you are facing this, take care of yourself,
     
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,466
    I am so sorry to hear this, I hope there is some care for him soon from a Macmillan nurse. Do you have a hospice near? One near us sends a nurse out I believe, they may give advice.
    Take of yourself. AliceA
     
  4. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    184
    Male
    #4 Pete1, Sep 20, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
    Really sorry to hear this @Flutterby17, I appreciate the torment that you are going through - it is simply awful to experience and as you say emotionally and physically exhausting. Take care of yourself - take it one day at a time.
     
  5. Mojosho

    Mojosho Registered User

    Sep 13, 2019
    31
    I'm so sorry that you are going through so much anxiety and pain. I am in a similar position but though the g.p.says my husband is dying she doesn't know what will end his life as he has multiple illnesses including the dementia. I have heart failure and I'm on my knees! I'm nearly 80 and keep calling for help and while the web sites are brilliant with information I need some hands on care. I have contacted everyone suggested but they are all to busy so I have to join the queue! My husband will be dead before they get round to seeing him. How can they assess for palliative care if they never see him.? I phoned the g.p. today. She was busy so I left a message but no call back! Like you I feel I'm letting my husband down but I'm trying so hard. I'm so grateful for the attendance allowance as it pays for a family member to help me some days but when my husband collapses I'm on my own! Sorry to rant but I really needed it! I hope your situation improves.
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
    Last days can be raw and emotional. Im sorry that your dad had that happen and I hope he settles. I also hope the Macmillan nurses are contacted quickly so that your dad can be made comfortable.
    (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
     
  7. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    383
    Female
    Don't put yourself down, you haven't broken your promise, you are still doing your best for him because you're with him, by his side and he's not alone.
    Your words speak volumes to the rest of us and show what a caring daughter you really are, it's just that you're tired and understandably upset. Take time to be with your dad over the next few days, whisper your words of love, he will hear them and bring comfort and I wish you both peace.
     
  8. Mouse2014

    Mouse2014 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    42
    You’re there for him... when he is most vulnerable... you can do no more than that...

    Lots of love to you at this difficult time.. HUgs
     
  9. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,667
    I’m lying down next to Dad, holding his hand as he wavers, the GP has been & we discussed what was important. Dads comfort. So pain patches are on prescription & I hope my cuddling him is of some comfort.
    So my heart & head understands as I sit/ lie here with my darling Dad.

    X
     
  10. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.
    All we can ever do is be there..
     
  11. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,667
    Thank you
    Really appreciate being able to be part of this community, it’s peaceful here with classic fm on next door.
    Have just done a Torvil & Dean imitation to Bolero for the gentleman next door. Lovely to hear someone laughing!

    So weirdly Dad has just opened his eyes & again I’ve had another little diamond of a moment. It’s like a reverse sundowning!! given him his tablets after he gritted his teeth at me........ now he’s got a gardening magazine in his hands; I wonder if we will get past the front page??? No eyes closed again with magazine firmly in his grip!!!
    Bless
     
  12. Mouse2014

    Mouse2014 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    42
    It’s moments like that , that you will treasure in the months to come.. I remember watching David Attenborough with Mum before she became unconscious and a poor dung beetle rolling down a hill brought a smile to her face.. I saw that episode last week and thought about Mum,, you’ll always remember Ravels Bolero playing.,

    You’re doing well, you’re there as hard as it is.. hang in there, loads of love and hugs xxx
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,667
    Thank you
    Hoping to sort out respite care for Mum today near me so she can visit Dad, poor mum has no idea & I need to gently break the news of UTI & Dad not being well. Also juggling work ( I’m self employed!!) my own health issues & now my daughter has to have blood tests !
    Hey if it was bingo that would be almost a full house!
    Slept for about 2 hours last night, feel sick at the thought of it all.
    Big girl pants on!!

    Ready for the day ............ I think !!!!
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,735
    Kent
    You are doing your best for your dad. There`s nothing more you can do so it is your best.

    Take care.
     
  15. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,667
    All you can do is hold your Dad, be there when you can for him. My Dad loves me lying down next to him & cuddling him, holding his hand. Classic fm on in the background. Dads pain relief is sorted & peaceful & dignified are my hopes. To feel loved & hear a voice you know is of great comfort, Ive sat with so many family members now through these stages; life lessons I can now put to use for Dad.
    The best you can do for your Dad now involves love & your time.

    My love & thoughts are with you, keep posting please, we don’t walk these paths alone.
     
  16. Princess RF

    Princess RF Registered User

    Dec 14, 2017
    12
    You are indeed doing your best - sadly, the system isn't helping you to let your dad pass peacefully. But YOU are doing all you can.
     
  17. Princess RF

    Princess RF Registered User

    Dec 14, 2017
    12
    You are a heroine.
     
  18. Mojosho

    Mojosho Registered User

    Sep 13, 2019
    31
    I've just read my post from a month ago and realized what a bad state I was in. I got to the point where I had to show how desperate I was. And now? The g.p. is coming regularly, also a personal assistant to help my OH ( paid for) community nurse. What a difference! The nausea is much better and I'm sleeping a little more. My OH is going through the whole spectrum of behaviours from sundowning, shadowing to hosting. But why do you have to get into such a state before the help comes?
     

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