Fading away

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Blue26, Dec 7, 2018 at 9:34 PM.

  1. Blue26

    Blue26 New member

    Friday
    5
    Female
    Hi Folks,
    My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 16 years ago. He lost his speech very early on and has been unable to communicate for several years. He’s been in a home for more than 5 years and he is now bedridden and curled up almost in a little ball. For the last few months he’s hardly been eating and drinking and to be honest I don’t know how he keeps going. He doesn’t seem to be able to swallow much and he is just skin and bone now and yet he just goes on. I feel his pulse and it’s like a hammer on an anvil! The care he receives is fantastic and the family have agreed to allow him to fade in a dignified way.
    Does anyone have any similar experiences. How do/did you cope? Life is going on around us in a blur.
    Thank you
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,703
    Yorkshire
    hello @Blue26
    a warm welcome to TP
    gosh, that's a long time for your dad and your family
    I am not yet where you are, with my dad; other members will find what you write very familiar and given some time will respond
    I am glad your dad is receiving such good care, that must help you and your family know that you are all doing the best for him
    best wishes to all of you
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,577
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @Blue26 and welcome to Talking Point.

    My mum passed away from Alzheimers last year and at the end I dont know how she managed to survive as long as she did. It seems to be quite common with dementia for the body to cling onto life if only by a thread. I am assuming that the family has signed a Do Not Resuscitate form and have talked to the doctor about him not going into hospital for any treatment, but to keep him comfortable and pain-free

    There is no knowing how long this limbo, this twilight zone will last, but it will end
    (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
     
  4. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    7,889
    leicester
    Hello @Blue26 and welcome to TP I hope we can help you at this difficult time.
    I can’t relate to your current situation as my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly.
    I am so glad you have good care for your Dad that is so important and the fact that the family is in agreement as to his future care.
    I’m sure that it is all a blur but I suppose that is what protects us.
    Now you have found us I hope you will keep posting.
     
  5. Blue26

    Blue26 New member

    Friday
    5
    Female
     
  6. Blue26

    Blue26 New member

    Friday
    5
    Female
  7. Blue26

    Blue26 New member

    Friday
    5
    Female
     
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,425
    Merseyside
    It’s so incredibly difficult to watch someone we love fade away. I wish you strength.
     
  9. Blue26

    Blue26 New member

    Friday
    5
    Female
    Thank you for your kind words.
    We have a DNR in place but it took a while to get across to the staff that checking his SATs was not necessary or indeed transferring him to hospital! The GPs who visit have also taken some persuading not to keep giving him antibiotics- I had to point out that this was not in his interests, likely to contribute to resistance and would just upset his tummy. But anyway, we are waiting. Just waiting. I don’t think he’s in pain as he seems peaceful. He has no sores and is shaved daily which is so nice. I just wish I could do something.
    Thank you again
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,577
    Female
    South coast
    The waiting is the worst bit IMO and you never know how long it will go on for.
    It feels like time just..... stops.
    Try and get out and do ordinary things. The home will know the signs once he gets to end of life.
     

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