Eyes like vol-au-vents.....

[alex]

Well said girls.............personally..........i'm a great believer in children are a blessing, i would have had 10 kids if i was given a choice!

I believe its the parents and their upbringing that make the child............i am so, so, so against violence to children..........my son has never been smacked in his life and i'm thankful that he is now a very caring, sensible, responsible grown man with his own family.............and i've always believed you have to earn respect from children by talking to them, giving unconditional love and helping them to sort their problems out........i'm not saying i'm a perfect parent or that everyone should believe in the same things..........but i know, without a shadow of doubt that i have total respect from my son............maybe i'm just lucky, but i like to think that we expect to get out of a relationship what we put into it and i think that applies to most relationships (although when it comes to men........maybe not eh? )..................i think i might be going off on one here so i'll shut up!

Love Alex x

 

[Margarita]

I have four children 3 girls and a boy all so unique individuals, I invested all my love and affection in them and treated them with the same respect I would expect to treated, also they friends. Now my children are all young adult each with they own mind and each giving me back the unconditional love respect I always give them. That is why may be its called unconditional love with children, because they understand how much I love my mother and respect her and trust me to never put them in danger with any family Adult .

And now can’t understand how this topic has change to , violence against children lol http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/uncrc/ http://www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/Fa...sArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=4003313&chk=rTWa3M

Tender face children do have rights http://www.direct.gov.uk/YoungPeople/YoungPeopleArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=10040835&chk=e9yUtX The United Nations created the Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) to ensure that all people under the age of 18 have a set of rights and freedoms to protect them

 

[alex]

Hi Margarita

I agree that children do have rights.............i don't think the law goes far enough to protect children...........but the problem is, that sometimes children are too young to understand the law which is suppose to protect them...........thats why its the parents responsibility to protect the child, unfortunately in some cases its the child protecting the parent.............its very difficult for a child to use the law against a parent .........or any adult come to that!

Love Alex x

 

[Margarita]

They always sadly seem to be a loop hole Alex

 

[alex]

Unfortunately for them.............your right maggie.

Love Alex x

 

[Lila13]

Of course children have rights and need to be protected, but too many of them seem to have been brought up to expect to get everything they want without any responsibilities and without the incentive to work and save. There is no pleasure in giving to those who take presents for granted and think they have a right to moan when the expected present doesn't appear.

Obviously I'm not talking about "all of them", but it is a ghastly thought that our old age, whether complicated by dementia or not, may depend on such.

Lila

 

[alex]

Again Lila..............its how a child is brought up...........i think thats down to the parents.

Love Alex x

 

[jenniferpa]

Obviously I'm not talking about "all of them", but it is a ghastly thought that our old age, whether complicated by dementia or not, may depend on such.

Lila

No, but you sound as if you're talking about most of them, and I honestly think that's unfair. It doesn't matter whether you're old or young - some people are givers and some people are takers, and that hasn't changed in the course of human history. It has been said that people mellow with age, as if they were a fine wine, but it has been my experience that people are more like cheese - if they stank when they were young, they're not going to improve with age. I'm not entirely sure either that it's down to parenting - some people who post on these boards seem to have have had parents who, to put it mildly, have been less than perfect in their dealings with their children before dementia hit, yet those very "children" are the the ones who are now giving and giving.

Jennifer

 

[Grannie G]

Can I give you all a bit of insight to the origin of this discussion.

When I was born, during the war, my parents were struggling, like everyone else, to earn a living and make ends meet. We had very few material possessions, but neither did anyone else.

During my childhood, we were fed, clothed and always had a roof over our heads. But there was no love in our house. There was no warmth, no attention and we were `latch key kids` from a very early age.

That`s Ok, to a point. Our parents were working hard to make a living and the hours were long.

What bugs me is the time they had for friends, entertainment, and holidays [without us] .

Our father ruled the house . When he said `jump` we jumped. We were TOLD what to do and what not to do. There was never any discussion.

When I was old enough to know, I vowed I would make sure my children had all I had lacked. This had nothing to do with material possessions. I just wanted them to be brought up in a way I would have wished for myself.

In my own marriage, our son was an equal. He had a voice. His opinion was valued. He was given time. He must have appreciated his upbringing, because he has adopted the same values to his own children.

I did not respect my parents. I feared my father and I really don`t know how I felt about my mother. Our son respects us, consults us and values our opinions.

When my grandmother grew old, my mother had no time for her, and expected, and got, me to do the honours. For my grandmother, it was a pleasure, because she had always been there for me.

When my mother developed Alz/Dementia, she wanted from me, what she had never given TO me. And to a certain extent, she got it.

That is where I`m coming from.

Why did my parents have children if they couldn`t be bothered with them. It was a thoroughly selfish act.

I strongly believe too many people have children today, without thought, in their own image, as trophies, or to achieve a desire, ie. just because they want them.
How many children are left to look after themselves from a very early age.

In the same vein, how many old people do we see struggling by themselves, alone and lonely? How many are an integral part of their extended family?

This is Society today, as I see it and I find it sadly lacking.

Well I`ve had my say. Thank you for allowing me to. I hope I haven`t been whingeing, because I feel I`ve been telling it like it is [for me, at least].

 

[Grannie G]

Jennifer,,,,,,I love your comparison of people with cheese. What a gem.

 

[jenniferpa]

I do so agree, Sylvia. The only thing I'd take issue with is the word "today". People have always had chidlren for the "wrong reasons". I suppose the difference in the present is that, in theory, there is the choice not to have that child. Unfortunately, the biological imperative gets in the way of rational thought sometimes (which is probably just as well for the survival of the species)

 

[Tender Face]

When my mother developed Alz/Dementia, she wanted from me, what she had never given TO me.

Grannie G, once again I am nodding my head at EVERYTHING you have to say ....

Did you ever feel with your mother, as I do, that in giving what you never got you are actually eradicating the stigma of being a 'trophy' child and finally proving you actually 'mean' something to them? (Rhetorical question).

Thank you for your honesty ... it is certainly helping me put some issues into perspective...

Deep philosophical stuff, soz, Karen, x

 

[Grannie G]

No Karen, I honestly don`t think I ever really meant, to my parents, what I believe I should have.

In giving to my mother what I never got, I believe I was breaking the cycle. I never considered being a `trophy` child a stigma in respect of myself, I considered it a stigma on my parents. I had done nothing wrong.

Love Sylvia x

 

[Tender Face]

In giving to my mother what I never got, I believe I was breaking the cycle. I never considered being a `trophy` child a stigma in respect of myself, I considered it a stigma on my parents. I had done nothing wrong.

Grannie G, Sylvia ....... my own words fail me ... yours will stay with me.....

Can't thank you enough.....

Love, Karen, x

 

[abby]

Wow this is ' deep ' and thought provoking....

I also totally agree with Grannie G.............

eradicating the stigma of being a 'trophy' child and finally proving you actually 'mean' something to them?

Do we actualy 'mean ' something ? Or because of the generation we are talking about.....do they see it as our duty? Obviously a stage comes that they won't know...but prior to that........

Is there any chance they see the 'error of their parenting years ' ? Or because it was almost the norm then, they see this stage in their life, with this new generation caring for them the new ' norm?

During the black war years life was very hard and demands were great but love is free ....isn't it?

Abby

 

[Tender Face]

but love is free ....isn't it? Abby

Free - but always unconditional.....???

K, x

 

[abby]

Tender Face

Free - but always unconditional.....???

Well this could be a double sided coin I guess, by whoever answers the question....maybe I should of said ' Despite the black war years, love, being free, could / should still of been given ' In any threatening times children needed love and safety and reasurance form their parents / mother

My love, for my children and Dad is unconditional......in their own right....despite this love hurting sometimes....and frustrating, heartbreaking and leaves me climbing the walls in total despair and desperation...it's still unconditional.....

Then there is the priority ladder, I do believe, teach / taught and practise respect to our elders, family or otherwise. Lets face it, whatever has happened, we are here because of them. And they most likely had a far more difficult time in rearing us than nowadays......BUT I also have respect and responsibility for my children....the future generation.....who have a right to a well adjusted upbringing to adulthood.

So what am I saying ? ( Sometimes I wish I knew )....ok.........

I love, unconditionally my Dad and my children...I am desperatly trying to give both what they need while not letting either affect the others constitution.....

God this is a really hard reply.....I love them both, dad infruiates me to the point I am screaming...but he is my Dad......BUT AD, while obviously a feature in my childrens life.....should not affect them, their future more than is acceptable.....

Sad thing is...my children's growing up doesn't affect Dad, but his AD does affect them......and I need to protect them to...

Oh I give up......can't explain it.....

Abby

 

[Tender Face]

Oh I give up......can't explain it.....Abby

Can I just say, so admire your guts for even trying... me I just ask questions ..... haven't a hope in hell at times at finding the answers for myself....

Much love (unconditional to you of course! ), Karen, x

 

[abby]

LOL, I think.....

And that's after a day from hell with Dad......I think I got everything... a baptisim of fire, just about every connatation ( to tired to find the dictionary ) you would believe with all the guilt and failure factors thrown in for free.....

I am only human..a mere mortal.....but despite how I try, I still feel so inadaquate sometimes......

Not a 'sympathy ' type person just saying how it is...honest....that's all

 

[mel]

Hi Abby

I still feel so inadaquate sometimes......

I'm with you there!!!

Oh to have superhuman powers and a bit of lack of emotion thrown in........i wish I were a robot

Love xx