I have been caring for Mum since February. My brother does not help with the care, says he cannot face it (fair enough) but we have an explosive relationship. He endlessly criticises everything I do and is focussed entirely on putting Mum directly into a care home. No doubt I come across as over defensive to him but, to me it always feels like being under attack.
He is convinced that the family agreed that no family member would burden care themselves. In all honesty our family was never close and we didn't talk so I genuinely have no recollection of this.
He regularly demands I ask for respite so he can get Mum's house ready for selling.
My brother and I can't even come to an agreement on applying for Lasting Power Of Attorney. Brother wants control of all money, to pick witnesses, choose the certificate provider with me doing nothing independently including buying food. Fair enough (he's a control freak. Hard to expect compromise) but I am finding his back seat sniping the most stressful aspect of caring for Mum.
He endlessly demands that i request more care help so I can visit him for 'meetings' where he will usually hector me for doing everything wrong and demand we put Mum into care. This does my head no good at all and I prefer to do everything in writing (he prefers 'meetings').This situation seems unsolvable unless I give in to all demands. I just feel endlessly bullied and it is wearing me down.
I dread his scant visits. The last one was the weekend where he launched into an angry as usual seemingly out of nowhere) tirade of past times I could not be trusted (in his eyes). It ended with a screaming match in the garden (I took it there because his outburst was happening directly in front of Mum). There seems to be a long running 'this family never cared about me' underlying his long running resentment of me. Talking always quickly descends to shouts and demands and endlessly going over past grievances. How can we become attorneys to a lasting power if attorney when we're like this? It's a living nightmare (or feels that way to me).
It feels like because my brother cannot help with care then none of us should. I feel this is an extension of what has always felt like a life of sibling jealousy in which I was always viewed (in his eyes) as the favoured one.
He is convinced that the family agreed that no family member would burden care themselves. In all honesty our family was never close and we didn't talk so I genuinely have no recollection of this.
He regularly demands I ask for respite so he can get Mum's house ready for selling.
My brother and I can't even come to an agreement on applying for Lasting Power Of Attorney. Brother wants control of all money, to pick witnesses, choose the certificate provider with me doing nothing independently including buying food. Fair enough (he's a control freak. Hard to expect compromise) but I am finding his back seat sniping the most stressful aspect of caring for Mum.
He endlessly demands that i request more care help so I can visit him for 'meetings' where he will usually hector me for doing everything wrong and demand we put Mum into care. This does my head no good at all and I prefer to do everything in writing (he prefers 'meetings').This situation seems unsolvable unless I give in to all demands. I just feel endlessly bullied and it is wearing me down.
I dread his scant visits. The last one was the weekend where he launched into an angry as usual seemingly out of nowhere) tirade of past times I could not be trusted (in his eyes). It ended with a screaming match in the garden (I took it there because his outburst was happening directly in front of Mum). There seems to be a long running 'this family never cared about me' underlying his long running resentment of me. Talking always quickly descends to shouts and demands and endlessly going over past grievances. How can we become attorneys to a lasting power if attorney when we're like this? It's a living nightmare (or feels that way to me).
It feels like because my brother cannot help with care then none of us should. I feel this is an extension of what has always felt like a life of sibling jealousy in which I was always viewed (in his eyes) as the favoured one.